Now I see the time we had before
Is just a passing moment
That we can't share anymore.
I am one of those people, who, while on one hand is able to mix well with people – be the ultimate Social butterfly, but on the other hand, a complete recluse when it comes to what’s going on in my head.
And I've learned that
Written words are not the same
As when you take the time to say it
And let the clouds release the rain.
It takes hell of a lot for me to come out right and speak my mind on matters concerning me. I realize that now, and I also realize that when I do, it is usually when I am at my lowest. When nothing can hurt me any further, than I am already hurting.
And I say one thing each day
Before I lay me down
I thank god for his friendship
Although he's not around
I am also one of those people, not built to be alone. Some people can hack it, find things to occupy their time with. I am unfortunately, not one of such souls. Try as I may to isolate myself in a vacuum, I am slowly collapsing underneath the weight of this self-imposed exile.
And I can't overcome
His memory in my mind
It's a bridge I'll never cross
Until the end of time
And it is for this reason that I have been silent for the last 48 hours or so, besides the last post to this blog. And it is for this reason that I went and sat by myself for a good hour or so in the middle of the field last night, where the I couldn't be found and cried over this barrier that I have built about myself.
As I sit here now, tired as hell, I think I have to sit for a long while on my next day off and ponder what is it that I want for myself. What I want to do in the next year, where I want to live.
And I wish my dreams alone
Would bring back my old friends
Yesterday's just something
I can't mend
For I cannot keep going back and forth in this manner. One fine day soon, if I completely lose it, I’m gonna have no qualms at all about leaving here and never coming back. And that’s gonna hurt so many people who do not deserve to be hurt, least of all by me.
I told my one of my best friends last night, at her insistence.. that I was so very tired. That life was not fair. That why was it some people didn’t have to strive very hard and got everything that they wanted. Yet, no matter how hard I try, I never seem to get what I want.
It was not fair of me to unload it all on her. And as she blinked back tears of sadness for me, she said brokenly that she knew how I was struggling with life but that I should hold on cause God will smile on me one day soon.
And I've broke down for my lost "brother"
and I've died for my mama, too.
I wish I could tell my best friends everything. But even skimming the surface already brought on so much hurt for one of them. I guess I’ll just have to keep it all in then. Cause if they can’t handle the pain of me, no one else would be able to either.
Now my tears fall down for you
For you
Lyrics are from
"Tears Fall Down"
by Hootie & The Blowfish
Is just a passing moment
That we can't share anymore.
I am one of those people, who, while on one hand is able to mix well with people – be the ultimate Social butterfly, but on the other hand, a complete recluse when it comes to what’s going on in my head.
And I've learned that
Written words are not the same
As when you take the time to say it
And let the clouds release the rain.
It takes hell of a lot for me to come out right and speak my mind on matters concerning me. I realize that now, and I also realize that when I do, it is usually when I am at my lowest. When nothing can hurt me any further, than I am already hurting.
And I say one thing each day
Before I lay me down
I thank god for his friendship
Although he's not around
I am also one of those people, not built to be alone. Some people can hack it, find things to occupy their time with. I am unfortunately, not one of such souls. Try as I may to isolate myself in a vacuum, I am slowly collapsing underneath the weight of this self-imposed exile.
And I can't overcome
His memory in my mind
It's a bridge I'll never cross
Until the end of time
And it is for this reason that I have been silent for the last 48 hours or so, besides the last post to this blog. And it is for this reason that I went and sat by myself for a good hour or so in the middle of the field last night, where the I couldn't be found and cried over this barrier that I have built about myself.
As I sit here now, tired as hell, I think I have to sit for a long while on my next day off and ponder what is it that I want for myself. What I want to do in the next year, where I want to live.
And I wish my dreams alone
Would bring back my old friends
Yesterday's just something
I can't mend
For I cannot keep going back and forth in this manner. One fine day soon, if I completely lose it, I’m gonna have no qualms at all about leaving here and never coming back. And that’s gonna hurt so many people who do not deserve to be hurt, least of all by me.
I told my one of my best friends last night, at her insistence.. that I was so very tired. That life was not fair. That why was it some people didn’t have to strive very hard and got everything that they wanted. Yet, no matter how hard I try, I never seem to get what I want.
It was not fair of me to unload it all on her. And as she blinked back tears of sadness for me, she said brokenly that she knew how I was struggling with life but that I should hold on cause God will smile on me one day soon.
And I've broke down for my lost "brother"
and I've died for my mama, too.
I wish I could tell my best friends everything. But even skimming the surface already brought on so much hurt for one of them. I guess I’ll just have to keep it all in then. Cause if they can’t handle the pain of me, no one else would be able to either.
Now my tears fall down for you
For you
Lyrics are from
"Tears Fall Down"
by Hootie & The Blowfish
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