Demons In My Head

This sucks. I'm getting very down again, and it's seemingly due to the usual suspects. My job, my financial situation, my house and the fact that I feel trapped in it, my general state of lethargy...on and on. All week long I was just tired. Tired enough that I wanted to sleep every moment that I could. Why? I go into work everyday after a day off, hating my life; for feeling like I wasted my time away, I get a horrible, sinking feeling every night I have off, knowing that I have to go back to work the next day for another five days of asshole guests, a retard for a manager, a dead-end job, boredom, a minimal salary, etc. Pretty sad that I've not even been at my job for two whole months, and I already despise it. Not just "oh, it's a job, I'll suck it up because it's not that bad," but more like "I fucking HATE wasting my life, facing the goddamned computer screen, acting like I'm working and busy even though I'm not. Then I begin to think: Is this what most people say, after years and years of being at the same job? That they just sucked it up to make a paycheck? That they wasted their entire fucking lives doing something they hated? I don't want to end up like that! I've started thinking about going to the DR to get a RX to help with this sinking feeling in my soul? All I seem to ever want to do is cower in a corner w/ my knees to my chest, in a dark room...or sleep. I can't live like this, dreading everyday, hating my life, feeling guilty, destroying myself because I have no self-esteem, slowly dying everyday at a job (any job) that I hate. Honestly, all this shit in my head makes me physically sick sometimes. I feel like the only way to feel better, is to vomit. Why can't I be like everyone else, and just push this shit down in order to do what is necessary to be "happy," or at the very least...numb enough to not care anymore?