I'm Drowning.... Help!

It's thanksgiving morning, and I feel I have nothing to be thankful for. My self-medicating, led me to question what I am doing with my life, while laying on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet tonight. This shit is getting bad, and I don't know what to do. I feel so lost and alone right now, I feel like I've let people down, and most importantly, I feel like I've let myself down. This is me being 100% honest, I need help.... I'm drowning, and I can't stop it. I don't know what to do... and I'm so scared. I don't know who to turn to, because I feel like I've cried wolf too many times, and no one is going to come to my aid now that I really need it..... I can't even continue this post, because tears are overwhelming me right now... Maybe I'll write more later, who knows