the trick is to keep breathing...

the trick is to keep breathing...

i'm spending more and more time
not writing what comes into my head.
all the weird and the dark
and the crazy madness
that i don't want to share with anyone.
not you and to a certain extent -
not even with myself.
like all the bad dreams you don't want
to believe you had or were ever capable of having.

i'm not crazy. i'm not crazy. i'm not crazy. i'm not.
and i don't have to keep telling myself that right?
is it better when you stop asking
or is it better that you still ask?
is it worse to be worried about these things all the time
than it is to rush through wild thoughts without reflection?

i keep feeling the need to pull back.
to not go as far as i do.
to be critical of the random excentricities of thought.
to remember that normal people,
whoever they are, don't do that.
don't go into the places that scare themselves.
don't dwell there and poke around and look for trouble.

normal people don't feel themselves
pressed against the face of now.
the rush of personal history crushing them
up against the present moment.
the overwhelming force of it
all spreading them impossibly thin.

normal people don't chill at the thought
of opening up like a door and having
something else step through
and out into their lives.
into the space they occupied.
however breifly. however badly.
something clear of purpose and place,
perfect and righteous and free of all
the tethers and chains that hold
me down here in the dark.

something i don't think i will like very much.

i guess normal people don't have to
worry about becoming normal.