i hate hate the fact that joey sent me a text message, that got me thinking and then made me sad, and then sent him one back, and said thanks for that, now I'm sad... and then he asked why, and so I emailed him a long email, about why I am sad, and the fact that I don't think I have ever been this depressed before in my life. Being depressed sucks.. its damn irritating and i hate it. And I hate the fact that he sounded concerned, cause i didn't want to talk about it... i hate to say what i really feel and all cause im afraid it will hurt the other party real bad. so i just take it all out on myself...so no one gets hurt but me. But I sent him the email anyways, and I told him not to think it's cause he is not here, I understand why he is not here, and I am ok with it... we both grew up, and he moved away, and got married, and has a kid... and I know why him and I are not as close as we used to be... so I don't want him to think that is the reason I am sad... It's just my lack of friendships, that have any depth to them. I have alot of friends at work, but they don't know the real me... there are only 3 people who come close, and even they don't know everything about me. I don't know... I just hate not having any real friends anymore... My worst fear is being alone, and that is what I am feeling now days.....