Ok, so I am going to admit, the past week or so, I have been depressed.
and people keep asking me whats wrong, and frankly, I don't know...
I mean, my life isn't that bad, but there are just alot of things starting to get to me
I feel like I don't have any friends anymore, I mean I know alot of great people at work
but.... me and them don't have the things that me and my "friends" had...
I know I was told time and again, that I would lose my "School Friends"
I was told it's part of growing up, but I didn't want to believe it... I mean
with everything we went through, I thought we could make it past high school
but I am starting to learn that I was wrong, I don't talk to any of them anymore
and my new friends... well like I said they are great and all, but...
there is just something missing from them, that my old friends shared
I guess... its that they didn't grow up with me, and don't really know me...
Then there is the fact that I am broke, and I am so sick of being broke
I have been broke the majority of my life, and you would think I would be used to it
but now being out on my own, it hits harder than it did before...
I feel like I can't afford to take care of myself.... I can't seem to make ends meet
and I am getting so sick of work, I am so burnt out. I dread getting up every morning
knowing that I have to go there for 8 hours a day, and so I cut my hours
and that is making my money situation even worse.... and then I come home
which I also dread, cause I know when I get here, I am going to be alone...
and there is not much more that I hate then being alone....
it's getting to the point where I don't even want to get out of bed anymore
I have nothing to live for, and the one person that gives my life a little bit of meaning
lives like 500 miles away, and has no plans of coming back here anytime soon
and then I think of moving down there to be with her, and then that just makes me see
how depressed I really am, cause I have nothing to worry about when it comes to moving
no one will truly miss me, I mean no one sees me now as it is....
which makes me even more depressed... cause I have become invisible in my own life
I don't know... I've dug myself into a pit, that I can't get out of alone...
and there is no one here that can help or seems to want to help me out.
I just feel so lost, and trapped, and there is nothing I can do that makes things better
I guess I am done whining about my life, its not like anyone cares anyways
and if they do, the won't care enough to do anything about it....
they all think I am a lost cause, who knows maybe I am....