The Real World for Me

I have lived in entire deceit,
covering the face everyone sees.
I have lied too long and too often
that I can no longer tell
when I speak the truth.
I seem to think I know myself
but really I do not.
I seem to think I know everything
in this life when I am barely sure
of my own face.
I seem to think I have felt
everything in this world
when I am skeptic of my name
and of my friends.
There is only one thing
I could be certain of---
and that is that I have loved.
But what happened to that love,
I am lost. The answers to my questions
I could only leave to God.
This world offers me no assurance,
neither of lasting happiness.
It seems that happiness----
She is so aloof and always want to fly.
Se could never keep her wings rested for a while.
She needs to move from one soul to another.
And she rarely comes back to the same person...especially to me.

I have loved, but all those are just faint memories
I have trouble remembering now.
I try having faith, but even that is weak.
There is no hope for people like me....
I am too difficult to love. I only beg for a miracle.

I do not want to feel this way.
I do not want to be alone forever.
It gnaws my insides and leaves me empty.
I cannot cry anymore, I am all dried up.
No rain could save me and no fire could warm me.

My soul often leaves my body,
in search for another one like it.
And when it returns, I cry for it. ---
He found none like him.

Why cannot I be loved like so many people?
Am I really that hard to love?
Why have You made me this way?
---just to be alone?
Please, I don't want to be alone?
All I ask is to be loved.