I sit here today,
reading a coworker's blog
and I realize something...
I have been, but without real reason.
I have spent my life
being here just because.
No goal, no drive, no work.
I just am for the sake of being.
I work in a job which I do not love
nor hate knowing I am capable of so much more.
I don't go to school but want to.
I wait till the last second for everything.
I get home from work
and I read forums and watch T.V.
What is my life? I need more. I want more.
But where do I start? Do I start in the beginning?
If so, what is that?
I've fallen into a comfortability
that is hard to shake off.
As much as I want to,
tomorrow I'll forget
my aspiritations,
my dreams,
my needs,
my wants,
my me...
and I'll fall again
into the drone that I have become.
I NEED change.
I need a harsh slap in the face to wake me up.
Shake my foundation without taring me apart.
I need to remember.
I fear my memory.
It is never what it should be.
And lately I find myself forgetting
simple words and grammar.
Maybe it's because I don't use them.
I don't speak. I don't grow. I just stay.
And I ask God to help me.
To give me a drive. A passion.
An unshakable strength and want.