So Helen, I told you I've been thinking alot about something here the past few days, but I have not told you what that thing is... at first it started out as you are going to move, and I could always move with you, transfer to a walmart down there... get an apartment down the road from you, so we could still be close to each other, but at the same time I know that you are not leaving for good, and you will be back, and it would be better if I stay here, and get moved in to the house, so when you come back we can live together. I know things are all going to work, but I am a little worried at the same time... or maybe I'm just scared. That's all. Maybe I'm just afraid of ... the future, maybe? This summer? Next month? Tomorrow? Maybe I'm scared that this beautiful, perfect, seeming forever thing is not so perfect, and will not last forever.No, not maybe. I'm scared. I'm scared as hell. It's not that I doubt what I have. It's not that all; there's no reason to doubt it, because it is still beautiful, and it is still as perfect as I think it can be.
I used to be able to see us together forever. I could close my eyes and quite easily see us living together, happiley together Justice being my "son", and calling me dad and nothing bad ever happening to us But that one sentence makes it clear: I am much too idealistic And I dream a little to much. I want this perfect life though I know well that it does not exist. I guess I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. Nonetheless, I'm scared. I'm scared of being disappointed; I'm scared of disappointing you I'm scared of being hurt; I'm scared of hurting you. I'm scared of having the most wonderful thing in the world and losing it because I was scared. It's not that my love has dwindled. Oh no, not in the least. I am still very much in love.
You are still very much the most beautiful thing I've ever been lucky enough to touch. I still hear your voice and think of how beautiful it is; I still feel perfect when you wrap your arms around me, and I still love the way our hands fit together. I still giggle when I kiss you, and you get all discombobulated. And I'm still in love. But I don't want to just be in love. I know it's a lot to have in the first place, but I want more. I want tomorrow. I want next week. I want the rest of my life, and I want to know that I'll have it. I want to wake up next to you and not find that to be out of the ordinary. and I never want to grow tired of being with you. I want us to be Romeo and Juliet without the token double suicide and rival families. At night, I want to go home, and I want you to go home, and I want "home" to be one place. But in the next few days, or weeks, you are moving and I know its for the best, and I know you'll come back I just don't want to be alone. And I could have 6 billion people all my best friends, and I'd still be alone if you weren't there. And it scares me that that's a possibility. That soon that will be reality
even though I know its not forever I'm scared. One person who means more to me than anything, anything, in the world, and I could lose that. Of course I'm scared
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Im scared to and my promise to you is i will be home (home is with you) soon. My goal is to get there get things all setup so when I return ill be completely on my feet so we can both catch each other when one of us falls. I will be back I could never stay away I love you so much and I am already looking forward to when I move back here. You and Justice are my life and even when we are apart i know our love will still continue to grow as it will the rest of our lives the distance wont change that and ill be looking forward to the day I come back. Ill miss how our hands fit perfect together, the kisses on the cheek, forehead, and hand, and the feeling I get when you kiss me :-D and i know one thing thats going to help me get thru the move until I am with you again is remembering everything we do together .. and waiting to do everything again once we get back. I know we are both scared right now, but I know we'll both be back in each others arms soon. And every second that passes while we're gone ill be thinking about you and will be missing you and again I cant wait until I am able to move back here in your arms. I LOVE YOU and even though times are hard right now nothing could change my feelings for you. I would wait a 1000 years for you if I had to .. actually no wait Id wait an eternity for you.
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