Some examples of why
the human race has probably
evolved as far as possible...

These are actual
instruction labels
on consumer goods...

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time
I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner!
No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion:
Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:
(printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's
cough medicine:
Do not drive car
or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce
the construction accidents
if we just kept those
5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten
lost in the translation...
let's hope people heed the instruction)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid
big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop
chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment
does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right,
destroy a universal childhood belief.)