Nothing At All

If I give in to my emotions and let it go,
I might not get it back.

I'd rather almost vomit, than cry.
It's easier to deal with, easier to explain.

A. Why are you throwing up? The concerned ask.
I'm sick to my stomach.

B. Why are you crying?
Because of everything.
There's nothing that bad happening.
The concerned laugh it off as if I'm overreacting.

Yeah, you're right, I'd say. I'm fine. That's what you want to hear. Nothing bad at all. But see, I had my heart broken, by people I loved more than anything. My life is falling apart and no one seems to care. Sometimes, I hyperventilate for no reason, and not the normal way - backwards. I can't breathe; I'm not breathing. My best friends are either too busy or too wrapped up in their own stuff to listen - better yet, to get it. I haven't slept more than two hours a night for a week. No, nothing bad at all. I just feel like a failure. I'm putting the F in life. I might rather die than to deal. Yeah, nothing is wrong. Nothing at all.

Except with you, for not noticing that I am on a slow burning rope. And I don't think anyone is coming with a fucking bucket of water. I'm too drained to get one. Again, I will fail.

Fail at even trying to save myself.