"You mean we actually all are one"

Regardless of how close
we hope to be,
we are so very far apart,
and when it comes down to it,
we are all just on our own.
I believe there will come a time
where nothing I say or do will matter.
I will not be able to
excuse my behaviors
in offering that they
were only done in retaliation
to each individual circumstance.
There will be no one by my side
who's got my back,
despite how greatly
I'd wish them there.
It will not matter
how greatly I suffered,
how much I've cried,
how badly it hurt,
there will be no justification
for what I've done.
Running away will not be
an option this time--
no hiding head in hands
begging for forgiveness.
I will once and for all have to face
my wrongs and explain myself.
And it is my greatest fear
that I will not have the words.