"It's amazing how if people tell you something often enough,
you believe it yourself."
But I have come to realise that there is no dignity
in trying to put on this false front that I am strong,
that there is nothing out of the ordinary of this thing I call my life.
For once, I am not going to stand stubborn and shout out,
"This is ME! Accept it!"
For there is nothing good to accept about ME now as I have become.
Am I pleased and proud of my so-called achievements?
I am not, contrary to what is said or done.
I can't help it if I have a cynical outlook on life.
Can you fault me if I said that because of
the things I have experienced in my wee 23 years of existence,
I have seen things that one should only read or watch about?
I have picked myself up so many times and glue me back together again,
that I resolutely and adamantly refuse to do it again.
I go through every day, wishing my life was someone else's
and that I didn't have to make decisions that are so painful,
you would even not wish them upon your worst enemy.
I tell myself each night before I sleep
that everything good is only temporary.
That such is my life and it will always be so.
I hold no illusions of a life of roses
where not a single dark cloud will blur my sunshine.
So if you see if from where I stand,
can you fault me for not giving due dilligence
to things that should have some respect and honour attached to it?
Things like friendship, loyalty, the gift of having hope.
If I could have you believe that it is not intentional,
would you buy my story?
Or is it a written conclusion that I'm a bad person?
Honestly, I may be slightly screwy,
but I would not give up on me
and say I am a thorough bad apple.
For the better part of it,
at least I still know what remorse is
and that amends needs to be made.
For I cannot go by life this way anymore.
It's become far more serious than I had stopped to think.
It's no longer about me that getting hurt in the process.
But the people around me as well.
Nobody will ever be able to tell
why some people's lives are intertwined the way they are.
I am sorry that your pathway crossed with mine.
It was never my intent to bring hurt, confusion nor pain.
But that to some extent, I have managed to achieve
all the things I set out not to do.
If I had just one wish,
I would wish to go back and un-do it all.
If I had a penny to give,
it would for you to not give up hope on me...
even as a friend.
you believe it yourself."
But I have come to realise that there is no dignity
in trying to put on this false front that I am strong,
that there is nothing out of the ordinary of this thing I call my life.
For once, I am not going to stand stubborn and shout out,
"This is ME! Accept it!"
For there is nothing good to accept about ME now as I have become.
Am I pleased and proud of my so-called achievements?
I am not, contrary to what is said or done.
I can't help it if I have a cynical outlook on life.
Can you fault me if I said that because of
the things I have experienced in my wee 23 years of existence,
I have seen things that one should only read or watch about?
I have picked myself up so many times and glue me back together again,
that I resolutely and adamantly refuse to do it again.
I go through every day, wishing my life was someone else's
and that I didn't have to make decisions that are so painful,
you would even not wish them upon your worst enemy.
I tell myself each night before I sleep
that everything good is only temporary.
That such is my life and it will always be so.
I hold no illusions of a life of roses
where not a single dark cloud will blur my sunshine.
So if you see if from where I stand,
can you fault me for not giving due dilligence
to things that should have some respect and honour attached to it?
Things like friendship, loyalty, the gift of having hope.
If I could have you believe that it is not intentional,
would you buy my story?
Or is it a written conclusion that I'm a bad person?
Honestly, I may be slightly screwy,
but I would not give up on me
and say I am a thorough bad apple.
For the better part of it,
at least I still know what remorse is
and that amends needs to be made.
For I cannot go by life this way anymore.
It's become far more serious than I had stopped to think.
It's no longer about me that getting hurt in the process.
But the people around me as well.
Nobody will ever be able to tell
why some people's lives are intertwined the way they are.
I am sorry that your pathway crossed with mine.
It was never my intent to bring hurt, confusion nor pain.
But that to some extent, I have managed to achieve
all the things I set out not to do.
If I had just one wish,
I would wish to go back and un-do it all.
If I had a penny to give,
it would for you to not give up hope on me...
even as a friend.
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