A Great Escape

Closing my eyes, brings me to a happier place and a happier time. 
just like laying in my bed in the middle of the day writing poems,
and listening to music doing the things I love to do.
Slowly I drift away... leaves sway, the air blows slightly towards my window. 
Am I awake or half-asleep.. or maybe I was shifted into another dimension 
into a place where possibilities are endless and I can dream 
about anything for as long as I want.

Who am I to believe?
Who am I to hope?

That's not the way it goes for what I am is just a dreamer.


With smiles greeting me as I walk forward, waving with welcoming arms.
please take me as I am for I am not broken. Take me as a friend 
and I will keep you in my heart. I began to realize 
that these were mere illusions of the mind, 
or maybe its your own mind that tells you what is happening..

I cry...

For why does all forms of happiness seem to be a distant dream?
don't I deserve to wake up feeling good about myself and about
the things around me? is it unfair?

I am not perfect, I never said I was.
This I ask a simple question,
tell me are you?

.......... That's what I thought.

I wish people would learn to appreciate more about the things we do for them.. 
the efforts we put up for that simple joy it brings us 
when we see them smile knowing that we had brought 
something in their lives.. something that is given and not bought
the joy it brings knowing they appreciated everything.
hoping that it would wake them up one day 
and realize how they neglected us most of the time...
how they turned their backs you as if you didn't matter,
and may they realize how much they offended your being
and see the pride-swallowing siege you go through 
only for the purpose of making them understand.. 
so that for at least once in your life they may see the good side of you.

I care for the people close to my heart,
even though most of the time I don't get the same caring back.
I guess that's my fate.. that's how it is going to be for the rest of my life.

Its like what happens in the movies where someone
would give a lot of effort for someone or something
that they hold so dear.. but life is not a fairytale that
ends with a happy ending.. At times, in reality it's the
other way around because people won't always value
what you do for them.. Only when you're gone will they
know how much you really mean to them..

Only when you're gone
will they realize that they did in fact cared but never showed it
only when you're gone will they tell themselves that
you actually made a difference somewhere, somehow in their lives
and finally see what a fool they had been for not realizing how
much you cared for they we're too busy looking for your
flaws, loop holes which consumed and blinded them
from seeing that you only want the best for that person
and how most of the time... they gone to believe 
that you're whole existence was nothing
but a big cliché based on text book definitions..

I tell you this, those are the people who chose to close their hearts.
people get scared.. of getting too close, I wish you could only see me
through the eyes of the people who cares for me the most. My Family.

Little things.. just little things..

Embrace me.. make me feel that you care.
Say hi and say goodnight.
Greet me when my birthday comes
Appreciate the things I do and think less of my flaws
Don't judge me just by a single mistake
Look at me with a smiling face
Don't kick me when I fall down
Understand me.
Look for me when I'm gone.
Lift me up when I seem lost
Help me when I am weak
Tell me you're sorry if you had hurt me
Hurt me only if you really want to
Be nice to me if you think I deserve it
Say thank you for it makes it all worthwhile
Please listen to what I have to say
Don't ignore me when I reach out for your hand
Don't mislead me, and don't show me make believe
Don't hate me just because others do
Leave me only when you want to, and not because they tell you to.
Accept me and love me for who I am
I am not perfect but I stand before you as a true person
Treat me as a person, for I have feelings too.

I don't understand why others think of me as a different individual,
am I not human like you? Just because I express myself in a different
way doesn't mean I am not like you. We all are different.. And why
do other people say that I'm too hard to understand, Maybe it's because
you didn't listen close enough, for you were only hearing what I say,
not listening. Or maybe you didn't want to go that far,
maybe that's all you can give.. that's all you want to.. because you did
not want to go the extra mile. You didn't give me that much of a chance


All my efforts were a loss..
I tried everything, the best way I can..
but I guess people couldn't understand someone
that they do not wish to get to know.. get inside..
many years of knowing me doesn't quite tell
you my entire story..

you think you know me..
you have no idea.

For how could you learn to understand someone if
you don't believe in that person in the first place.

This isn't about pleading, this isn't about depression
this isn't about calling for attention


This is about a Great Escape.
where my thoughts play.. where my thoughts count


maybe you weren't listening.
you were simply Judging.


I want to believe.. I want to know... I want to learn. I want to live.


Its hard to trust yourself, your own judgment for most of the time
your mind doesn't go along your heart.
at times when you know things will hurt in the end
you still choose to follow your heart, just for that simple
moments of joy you want to conceive even though the price
is more hurting than that few moments of bliss


You tell yourself that it just happens because its out of your hands..
and maybe out of their hands too..


And you know that it doesn't mean anything, still you want to believe
even though you know that it doesn't.. you convince yourself that it
might mean something, but it doesn't.


Love is full of happiness, full of laughter..
loving and being loved back is a blessing
but loving and not being loved back is a torment.


It burns.. it kills..
and you don't know how much longer
you can stand.. how much longer can you hold on.. hang on..
but even though it breaks you, takes you away..
you still struggle.. you crawl... trying to get back up and
not lose the fight


But what are you fighting for? is it worth it?
if what you are fighting for is pure.. then by all means.. don't give up


The sad part is.. who told you to fight anyways? who told you to hold on?
who told you that there is hope in the end of a dark tunnel?


And who told you that the person or thing you are fighting for wants you to fight.


They don't.. sadly they don't.


And you just made a big fool out of yourself.


You tell yourself that its more than you can take.. you tell yourself that
its time to let go.. its time to look the other way.


But what is there to look at? when you know that what makes you happy is on the
other way.. the way that you said you cant go through any longer.


The truth is, nobody said that there's an easy way.


The hardest path is always the path that makes us happy.


what makes me happy.




Then I woke up, in my bed with a teardrop in my eye..
it was just a dream.. yes I think it was just a dream.


I've been living in a dream all along. a dream where we could almost
share.. where we could almost live happily ever after


You and Me.


A dream where you love me, the same way I love you..
a dream where I know you can be mine and I am all yours.


But like I said it was just a dream for nothing that feels so
good could be a reality.


Warm hugs.. holding you right here with me. believing
that it could be something more than just my imagination.


but I know I was merely fantasizing.. wishing.


And as for you... you don't remember anything for you
weren't really there. What good is a hug if you know that
the person didn't know it ever took place?


Like I said.. you know its going to hurt but you still believe..
you want to believe...






And the biggest fool of them all is yourself