but you know what? It's ok. It's my blog,
and I have the right to be pissed every once in a while.***
The hardest thing in life at times
is knowing which bridges to cross,
and which bridges to burn…
So burn baby, burn.
Right now in life, I act as if that I'm ok…
But I'm not.
I'm bewildered, upset,
and more unsure now than ever before…
and I don't enjoy feeling this way.
I've never been out-and-out open
with my feelings and thoughts.
Instead I keep them bottled up
and make the world think
that everything is going just fine…
that I'll be ok no matter what hits me.
But I'm not and why should I
continue pretending to be?
I'm tired of putting on a mask
every time I turn around.
The people who said they were there for me….
are for the most part not.
Well, with the exception of a small number…
In fact, those few who "claimed"
I can come to them with anything,
really mean that I can come to them with anything…
BUT they don't want to hear about it,
they don't want to discuss it,
and it's not "their problem"…
And in a way they are right.
It's NOT their freaking problem…
But as a "friend" you would think
they would care enough
to make it their problem.
I guess that goes to show us
what REAL friends we have,
and which ones are nothing more
than "fair weathered friends"…
I guarantee that they don't treat
anyone else with as little respect
as they have treated me as of late,
because if they did…
everyone in their lives
would have walked away without looking back.
They haven't given a lick about my emotions,
instead feeling as though
they had the right to bash, belittle,
trash, look down upon,
and treat me literally like sheeeet.
You know what though…
Over the years I've grown
and I realize now more than ever before
that I'm stronger than that.
I'm better than that…
I don't deserve this, and quite frankly,
I'm NOT going to put up with these
"bullshit" friendships any longer.
During my life, I've ALWAYS made it a point
to be there for my "friends" that need me.
Whether they be true friends
or "fair weathered" ones…
I've been there for them no matter what.
When they needed someone to talk to
at 2am in the morning, I was there…
even when I had to be up in three hours for work.
When they were late with rent
due to something going on, I was there…
even if it meant that I myself had to go without.
When someone died, I was there…
even if it meant taking time off work.
When they laughed, when they cried,
when they won, when they lost,
when they succeeded, and even when they failed…
I was always there for them.
It didn't matter to me
if they were "real" friends or not…
All that mattered is that they needed me
or wanted me to be there for them… and I was.
No longer am I going to sit on the sidelines,
waiting to be noticed…
Waiting for someone to "pretend" they care,
and only because they have something
to benefit from the "pretending".
Screw that.
I have REAL friends in my life
who need more attention
than they have been getting lately.
Why? Because I've been dealing with these
"half-assed" friends who are only around
for nothing more than their own gain/benefit.
It's not ok for the games of seesaw
to be played with my head.
It hurts too much, and hits entirely too hard.
Though it hurts like hell knowing
I won't be around if and when you need me,
I won't play this part anymore.
The words that weren't said
(and the piss poor choices of words that were)
along with the things that weren't done
(or in one fucking morons case, the things that were)
are exactly what has opened my eyes and set me free.
So now I've said all that I
desired, wanted, and needed to say.
If anyone doesn't like the fact
that I have a brain,
the courage to stand on my feet,
and the power to fight back against
things that were done/said
(or as earlier pointed out,
the things that weren't said or weren't done)…
You can kiss my arse
and know I'll be praying for you,
even as I'm walking away.
The above is just the nice way
(aka sugar coating)
of saying what I really want to say…
Which is "fuck you assholes".
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