Stressed Out Rant

So I woke up today
not feeling like myself....
Reminscent of times past,
I dont like my thoughts,
the stress that goes along with them,
and the way that it's making me feel.
Seriously, fuck.

So have you ever had
the unsurpassable feeling
that you're letting
yourself get walked on...
And no matter what
you tell yourself,
or what you do,
you can't shake the feeling?
I do. I'm not sure
what to make of it...
and it fuckin sucks.

So here's what I do.....
like I always do....
Smile. Be nice.
Pretend nothing's wrong.
Maybe nothing IS wrong....
Be polite. Try not to lose my temper.
Listen to music that grounds me.
DONT do anything dumb.
Go to work.
Go through the motions...
Do what I'm told.
Don't ask for what I need.
Do it by myself... cause'
thats the only way
any of this shit's
gonna be solved
without anyone getting worried.
Keep my mind of of things....
Omg, FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
Yes. That's right, I said FUCK.
(note to self.... dont fuckin punch the wall.)

Long day.... Bed at 6a.m.
up at 8 a.m.
Work until 11 p.m....
I dont mind the long day...
or the fact that
after work is going to fuckin suck....
What I mind is that for the first time
in the longest time.... I'm crying...
And now I have to pretend to smile again.

Pretending is what killed me last time.