So if life has taught me anything
its that tomorrow is a new day.
If it ever gets so bad that
I just can't take it anymore...
all I have to do is go to sleep.
And tomorrow, when I wake up,
the sun will still be rising in the east,
and I will have a million chances
to get things right.
I do a lot for myself now
that I never used to.
Simple things, no big deal, really.
Like taking time out just for myself,
taking little walks, or just taking time to write
I have been writing for awhile now but
Writing is my binge and purge.
Words and words and words and words....
and then at the end, the release.
The beautiful euphoria of being emptied.
But it's hard, sometimes, to write,
when I feel like it's not worth
anything to anyone but myself.
It's hard to conjure up the energy
to talk about the things
that hurt me the most,
When I know no one cares
to hear or to read about it.
I know that there is a reason
that I am so damaged.
I used to think that there must be
something amazing in store for me,
something so wonderful that only I could do,
some skill that only I could master... anymore,
I'm wondering if it has all just been
a grandiose way to make the people
who pretend to love me
feel like they are rescuing
something horrible and turning
it into something great.
I closed my eyes and
found myself dreaming about vertigo
I felt myself craving for that moment,
when you're falling, and you're just not sure
if you're going to land okay or not....
but you're hopeful. God you're hopeful.
And you believe, truly, that even if you don't land well,
the experience of this fall will be worth it...
because it is so close to flying.
so close. so.... close.
And then I woke up and realized
that I am at that moment when you realize
that you are not going to land well.
So you scramble, looking for
something to hold on to,
looking for a way to minimize damage,
trying to rationalize something
that is not rational.
You do your best to prepare
for the inevitable impact...
even though you know
that it always goes better
if you just.... let go.
Just let go. Fall. Crash.
its that tomorrow is a new day.
If it ever gets so bad that
I just can't take it anymore...
all I have to do is go to sleep.
And tomorrow, when I wake up,
the sun will still be rising in the east,
and I will have a million chances
to get things right.
I do a lot for myself now
that I never used to.
Simple things, no big deal, really.
Like taking time out just for myself,
taking little walks, or just taking time to write
I have been writing for awhile now but
Writing is my binge and purge.
Words and words and words and words....
and then at the end, the release.
The beautiful euphoria of being emptied.
But it's hard, sometimes, to write,
when I feel like it's not worth
anything to anyone but myself.
It's hard to conjure up the energy
to talk about the things
that hurt me the most,
When I know no one cares
to hear or to read about it.
I know that there is a reason
that I am so damaged.
I used to think that there must be
something amazing in store for me,
something so wonderful that only I could do,
some skill that only I could master... anymore,
I'm wondering if it has all just been
a grandiose way to make the people
who pretend to love me
feel like they are rescuing
something horrible and turning
it into something great.
I closed my eyes and
found myself dreaming about vertigo
I felt myself craving for that moment,
when you're falling, and you're just not sure
if you're going to land okay or not....
but you're hopeful. God you're hopeful.
And you believe, truly, that even if you don't land well,
the experience of this fall will be worth it...
because it is so close to flying.
so close. so.... close.
And then I woke up and realized
that I am at that moment when you realize
that you are not going to land well.
So you scramble, looking for
something to hold on to,
looking for a way to minimize damage,
trying to rationalize something
that is not rational.
You do your best to prepare
for the inevitable impact...
even though you know
that it always goes better
if you just.... let go.
Just let go. Fall. Crash.
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