outbursts

I'm calling out to someone
anyone that won't judge me,
someone that will accept the fact
that I'm prone to fits of weakness
both mentally and physically.
Fuck America, Fuck Bush
Fuck rednecks and war.
Nothing is more American
than censorship.
Everyone is made to feel
inferior by someone may they be
stronger, faster, smarter, more popular.
Everyone searching for something better
rarely realize that they've left
something or someone great behind,
and most don't realize until it's too late
it was the biggest mistake of there lives.
I am an abandoned, no good, nicotine addict,
mentally and emotionally abused,
independent, loner, selfish, insecure,
love sick, depressed, self medicated,
semiretarded child with a bad case of suicidal tendencies.
Even though I write without hesitation I can only write,
for speaking my sorrows and insecurities
is a quick way to lose respect and, god forbid
a chance for companionship. Everything I've ever wanted
LOVE ACCEPTANCE FRIENDSHIP, I've gained,
lost and rediscovered all these things. Yet, I'm still empty ,
melancholy has come over me like an ocean wave
and I'm drowning in a sea of sorrow.
I'm poor and ragged and in serious need of care and support.
My emotional pain and mental suffering falls upon
the deaf ears of an uncaring family,
friends who won't listen,
and a girl that moved away.
I pray that things were different,
that I was cold and uncaring.
No longer a human being with pain and sorrow,
but a machine that has blocked out everything,
no more emotions, everything is broken down in to calculated steps
everything is done without pleasure or feeling.
I want to make everything fade to black
and make the world stop spinning.
I wanna go to sleep forever.
I hate myself and want to DIE!