An old poem, and a new outlook

So I was going though an old book I used to write in
and found this poem, and decided to put it on here.

There was a point in my life in which i was really happy.
We used to be together and now i feel as if im losing my best friend,
the one i was able to tell anything to. We had both good and bad times,
but i never imagined we would separate. All i feel in my heart is emptiness.
Such a weird emotion it is. Now it's all ending.
All i wish now is to be loved by someone who is also wonderful.
I must wake from this sad dream and try to achieve a real life.
Another thing i have been wondering about is these dreams that i keep having,
what do they mean and why do they physically hurt me.
Hopefully soon i will find out and maybe even write about it.

And a few weeks after I wrote that I wrote this

I was once told that love helps in everything.
But now all the precious things are slipping away,
so I have learned that there are times
when love cant help.
No matter what happens
giving up should never be an option.
Giving up is the last thing that
should ever be done because
you will lose everything.
You can give up any time,
but once its gone it never comes back.
The memories all of it, gone forever.
I have come to a realization
about happiness that is that
people just don’t realize
what’s really making them happy.
Maybe that’s how everything is,
the happiness is really close by
and we're just not seeing it.
Hope is another thing that
must always be kept.
Sometimes I feel like
there are things that I can’t do,
but I must not let the people
that care for me the most down.
I must be strong no matter
what the situation, for I too
give hope to many people.
Somehow I have managed
to keep many of feelings inside of me,
not because I wish
to keep things to myself but,
because I feel as if I can’t trust anyone.
Deep inside this people that care for me
should know what my emotions are like
and why I try to escape from reality,
one day maybe i will have the courage
to let them know what I think,
till that day I must live on
with everything just kept inside of me.
Certain people might not consider one important,
because if i was that important
she would have held on tightly.
Everything happens for a reason
as they say "you get what you deserve".
My guess is that I am getting what I deserve myself.
I know that happiness comes to those that deserve it;
I know I no longer deserve to be happy
I feel this great sadness all around me,
trying to consume me but I cant do anything to stop,
and it will not stop. I just hope that those that
cared for me will be happy
I also hope they don’t let go of that
important person in their lives,
because they will regret it forever.

Well some of this makes more since now than it did
I have let many people leave my life
some I wanted to go....
and some I just didn't want to fight for
but now I know that I should have tried
to hold on to those ones
but its to late now,
Melissa and I are forever just
Internet pen pals
and Joey and I....
well... I don't know what
him and I are anymore
there are other people whom
have come and gone also...
some I miss alot,
and some I rarley think of
but in Melissa, and Joey's cases
I was replaced by someone
who could give them more than I ever could
who could be there for them like I could not
and as much as it pains me to say this
I know it's for the best
but at least I have found someone
that loves me and is wonderful
and I cherish the time we spend together
even now when its only
a phone call or an email
I know that she loves me
and she knows I love her
and I'll be damend
if I lose her, or let her walk away
without me fighting to hold on
this is something I wanted to do in the past
but thought it would do no good
and maybe i was right
but like i said, its to late now for me and them
but this time with Helen it will be differant
I hope so at least