So today has been a long eventful day, i don't even know where to begin, well first and foremost, I got my car fixed, and it actually works now. So that is just great. I am so happy to be back in my car, where I spent so much time the past few years, with friends, and the first memories of me and Helen are in that car also, the car is full of memories. I'll skip the middle of the day and go to the end, tonight after I did everything else, I went to Melissa's to get my book I let her borrow, and a poem book she found that I made who knows when, sometime since I lived here though, cause I remember making it in my room before me and mom switched rooms, but its been since I moved here in March of 05, anyways, I wasn't planning on staying long since Melissa and I have not hung out or talked much for that matter in forever, but I stayed for almost an hour, and it was fun, just like old times... anyways, back to the middle of the day that I skipped, I went to see grandma, about moving and stuff, and we went and looked at the house, even though I know what it looks like cause I have been there many times, but anyways, it needs a fridge and a dryer, and some furniture, but it has a washer, 2 beds, 2 couches, and a kitchen table and stuff, and some other odd and end furniture that is stuffed in one room... then I was taking grandma home and she decided that we should go see my dad, which we did, and it was an odd visit like all visits with him, I never see him hardly and when I do, I feel that there is too much catching up to do, that its not even worth trying, but in the end of the visit we talked about mom for a while, and he started crying and told me that he loves me, and he loves her, and not a day goes by that he dosn't think about us, and how he wished we'd come home, and he knows he made a lot of mistakes in the past, and I told him I am coming home, cause I now know its where I belong and I forgive him, but to much time has passed to even try to catch up on all we have missed out on from each others lifes... and then i remember how depressed I used to be, and I don't know if I should move back there now, even though I want to so much, cause I feel so disconeccted from that whole side of my family, and I really don't know what to do... It is hard to live like this. Each day is a struggle, the vagaries of life presenting alternating degrees of insurmountability. When will it all end? When will the simple pleasure of enjoying the sun's rays and the shine of the moon, become more than excercises in conquering the demons of the past? Demons, that threaten to haunt my future?