coming to realize the degree
to which you have gained
the trust of another human being
is a bittersweet experience.
it would be my hope that no one
ever really needed to store
such emotions within themselves
that only a select few souls
in the world would ever bear witness to them,
but having felt such emotions myself
i have learned that they are part of life-
a necessary evil. fear being one
of the most traumatic of these emotions,
seeing it overtake someone you love...
it makes me want to sacrifice all i have
just to halt their pain.
it makes me despise fear
and the effect it has on us all.
granted, it cannot be helped.
however, the greatest strength
and empowerment seems to lay
in overcoming these fears and fighting thru.
as of late, many things in my life
have driven fear into my very core,
but i doubt anyone has been any the wiser,
with the exception of my lone confidant.
sometimes i analyze these feelings
and wonder what it is that allows me
to block them out when i need to function.
but then, do any of us really know
what it is that keeps us going
but for a desire to live?
life is so fragile, so precious.
in an instant it can leave us,
and yet we often lazy the days away
sleeping in late or watching tv,
living in fear of risk, in fear of living
and loving at full throttle,
terrified of broken bones and broken hearts.
i feel the need today to make a resolution-
to live and love without regret,
to seek out the things in life
i have yet to experience,
to love recklessly.
today i had an epiphany-
it occurred to me that no matter what we do,
love hurts. it hurts to hold back,
and it hurts to have love taken away
when you havent held back.
so why be shy and live half way?
i may as well pour everything i have
into life and love and at least know
i gave it everything i had, rather than
hold back saying at least i wont get hurt,
because it HURTS to hold back!!
i may never have grandkids,
may never have my own kids,
may never marry,
may never go to college,
may never wake up tomorrow morning-
how can anyone know what fate has in store?
so we ought to live life to the point of overflow everyday-
i never want to hold back again-
not a smile, a giggle, a tear,
my emotions are my own,
and im not ashamed.
what i have to offer is what i have,
and i am proud.
who i am is who i have made myself,
and i dont regret any of it.