so it may be awhile before my next post... being that I am moving and all tomorro... well later today, and I don't know if I am taking the computer or leaving it with mom, and if i take it i don't know when i'll have access to the internet again... so anyways, not that i have any regular readers, and if i do, non that comment, or tag, so I don't guess anyone will notice that I don't update.. but alas, i thought I would say, that if its sometime before the next post, this is why... ok i am rambeling now, so i'ma gonna end this.. take care, till we meet again

so it may be awhile before my next post... being that I am moving and all tomorro... well later today, and I don't know if I am taking the computer or leaving it with mom, and if i take it i don't know when i'll have access to the internet again... so anyways, not that i have any regular readers, and if i do, non that comment, or tag, so I don't guess anyone will notice that I don't update.. but alas, i thought I would say, that if its sometime before the next post, this is why... ok i am rambeling now, so i'ma gonna end this.. take care, till we meet again

so it may be awhile before my next post... being that I am moving and all tomorro... well later today, and I don't know if I am taking the computer or leaving it with mom, and if i take it i don't know when i'll have access to the internet again... so anyways, not that i have any regular readers, and if i do, non that comment, or tag, so I don't guess anyone will notice that I don't update.. but alas, i thought I would say, that if its sometime before the next post, this is why... ok i am rambeling now, so i'ma gonna end this.. take care, till we meet again

coming to realize the degree
to which you have gained
the trust of another human being
is a bittersweet experience.
it would be my hope that no one
ever really needed to store
such emotions within themselves
that only a select few souls
in the world would ever bear witness to them,
but having felt such emotions myself
i have learned that they are part of life-
a necessary evil. fear being one
of the most traumatic of these emotions,
seeing it overtake someone you love...
it makes me want to sacrifice all i have
just to halt their pain.
it makes me despise fear
and the effect it has on us all.
granted, it cannot be helped.
however, the greatest strength
and empowerment seems to lay
in overcoming these fears and fighting thru.
as of late, many things in my life
have driven fear into my very core,
but i doubt anyone has been any the wiser,
with the exception of my lone confidant.
sometimes i analyze these feelings
and wonder what it is that allows me
to block them out when i need to function.
but then, do any of us really know
what it is that keeps us going
but for a desire to live?
life is so fragile, so precious.
in an instant it can leave us,
and yet we often lazy the days away
sleeping in late or watching tv,
living in fear of risk, in fear of living
and loving at full throttle,
terrified of broken bones and broken hearts.
i feel the need today to make a resolution-
to live and love without regret,
to seek out the things in life
i have yet to experience,
to love recklessly.
today i had an epiphany-
it occurred to me that no matter what we do,
love hurts. it hurts to hold back,
and it hurts to have love taken away
when you havent held back.
so why be shy and live half way?
i may as well pour everything i have
into life and love and at least know
i gave it everything i had, rather than
hold back saying at least i wont get hurt,
because it HURTS to hold back!!
i may never have grandkids,
may never have my own kids,
may never marry,
may never go to college,
may never wake up tomorrow morning-
how can anyone know what fate has in store?
so we ought to live life to the point of overflow everyday-
i never want to hold back again-
not a smile, a giggle, a tear,
my emotions are my own,
and im not ashamed.
what i have to offer is what i have,
and i am proud.
who i am is who i have made myself,
and i dont regret any of it.

coming to realize the degree
to which you have gained
the trust of another human being
is a bittersweet experience.
it would be my hope that no one
ever really needed to store
such emotions within themselves
that only a select few souls
in the world would ever bear witness to them,
but having felt such emotions myself
i have learned that they are part of life-
a necessary evil. fear being one
of the most traumatic of these emotions,
seeing it overtake someone you love...
it makes me want to sacrifice all i have
just to halt their pain.
it makes me despise fear
and the effect it has on us all.
granted, it cannot be helped.
however, the greatest strength
and empowerment seems to lay
in overcoming these fears and fighting thru.
as of late, many things in my life
have driven fear into my very core,
but i doubt anyone has been any the wiser,
with the exception of my lone confidant.
sometimes i analyze these feelings
and wonder what it is that allows me
to block them out when i need to function.
but then, do any of us really know
what it is that keeps us going
but for a desire to live?
life is so fragile, so precious.
in an instant it can leave us,
and yet we often lazy the days away
sleeping in late or watching tv,
living in fear of risk, in fear of living
and loving at full throttle,
terrified of broken bones and broken hearts.
i feel the need today to make a resolution-
to live and love without regret,
to seek out the things in life
i have yet to experience,
to love recklessly.
today i had an epiphany-
it occurred to me that no matter what we do,
love hurts. it hurts to hold back,
and it hurts to have love taken away
when you havent held back.
so why be shy and live half way?
i may as well pour everything i have
into life and love and at least know
i gave it everything i had, rather than
hold back saying at least i wont get hurt,
because it HURTS to hold back!!
i may never have grandkids,
may never have my own kids,
may never marry,
may never go to college,
may never wake up tomorrow morning-
how can anyone know what fate has in store?
so we ought to live life to the point of overflow everyday-
i never want to hold back again-
not a smile, a giggle, a tear,
my emotions are my own,
and im not ashamed.
what i have to offer is what i have,
and i am proud.
who i am is who i have made myself,
and i dont regret any of it.

coming to realize the degree
to which you have gained
the trust of another human being
is a bittersweet experience.
it would be my hope that no one
ever really needed to store
such emotions within themselves
that only a select few souls
in the world would ever bear witness to them,
but having felt such emotions myself
i have learned that they are part of life-
a necessary evil. fear being one
of the most traumatic of these emotions,
seeing it overtake someone you love...
it makes me want to sacrifice all i have
just to halt their pain.
it makes me despise fear
and the effect it has on us all.
granted, it cannot be helped.
however, the greatest strength
and empowerment seems to lay
in overcoming these fears and fighting thru.
as of late, many things in my life
have driven fear into my very core,
but i doubt anyone has been any the wiser,
with the exception of my lone confidant.
sometimes i analyze these feelings
and wonder what it is that allows me
to block them out when i need to function.
but then, do any of us really know
what it is that keeps us going
but for a desire to live?
life is so fragile, so precious.
in an instant it can leave us,
and yet we often lazy the days away
sleeping in late or watching tv,
living in fear of risk, in fear of living
and loving at full throttle,
terrified of broken bones and broken hearts.
i feel the need today to make a resolution-
to live and love without regret,
to seek out the things in life
i have yet to experience,
to love recklessly.
today i had an epiphany-
it occurred to me that no matter what we do,
love hurts. it hurts to hold back,
and it hurts to have love taken away
when you havent held back.
so why be shy and live half way?
i may as well pour everything i have
into life and love and at least know
i gave it everything i had, rather than
hold back saying at least i wont get hurt,
because it HURTS to hold back!!
i may never have grandkids,
may never have my own kids,
may never marry,
may never go to college,
may never wake up tomorrow morning-
how can anyone know what fate has in store?
so we ought to live life to the point of overflow everyday-
i never want to hold back again-
not a smile, a giggle, a tear,
my emotions are my own,
and im not ashamed.
what i have to offer is what i have,
and i am proud.
who i am is who i have made myself,
and i dont regret any of it.

odd how the mind becomes numb
at such inconvenient times...
i've been in a fog all day today..
something feels wrong.
my emotions have yet to decline,
but for one reason or another,
my head feels like its floating away.
probably low iron, according to mom,
but i took the iron pill she gave me,
and theres been no change.
only reason it really bothers me
is it makes me feel dependent
on others to steady me.
my vision randomly blurs
and my muscles begin to feel weak,
and though instinct tells me
to sit down and rest a moment,
my mind tells me if i try,
i wont make it to the ground without incident.
so, i stand, frozen and dazed,
shivery and dizzy, til the moment passes.
pisses me off. i want so much to write more,
but id just be rambling and repeating,
so ill spare the words.

odd how the mind becomes numb
at such inconvenient times...
i've been in a fog all day today..
something feels wrong.
my emotions have yet to decline,
but for one reason or another,
my head feels like its floating away.
probably low iron, according to mom,
but i took the iron pill she gave me,
and theres been no change.
only reason it really bothers me
is it makes me feel dependent
on others to steady me.
my vision randomly blurs
and my muscles begin to feel weak,
and though instinct tells me
to sit down and rest a moment,
my mind tells me if i try,
i wont make it to the ground without incident.
so, i stand, frozen and dazed,
shivery and dizzy, til the moment passes.
pisses me off. i want so much to write more,
but id just be rambling and repeating,
so ill spare the words.

odd how the mind becomes numb
at such inconvenient times...
i've been in a fog all day today..
something feels wrong.
my emotions have yet to decline,
but for one reason or another,
my head feels like its floating away.
probably low iron, according to mom,
but i took the iron pill she gave me,
and theres been no change.
only reason it really bothers me
is it makes me feel dependent
on others to steady me.
my vision randomly blurs
and my muscles begin to feel weak,
and though instinct tells me
to sit down and rest a moment,
my mind tells me if i try,
i wont make it to the ground without incident.
so, i stand, frozen and dazed,
shivery and dizzy, til the moment passes.
pisses me off. i want so much to write more,
but id just be rambling and repeating,
so ill spare the words.

two weeks from twenty

Jimmy wasn't really popular
He had a couple of friends back home
And sooner or later they're all
getting out so he had to join up alone
He was dreaming of the Ivy League
since he was only three feet tall
And get the hell out of jersey
and then he would never look back at all

And then your hear 'em say
That miles away
We lost another one
that we sent with a gun
They're gonna miss him
he was two weeks from twenty
and there's still no shame
From the man to blame

Jimmy never had a reason to stay
Cos all the factories shut down
All he had was a line for his name
So he could sign away his right to be proud
He tried to kiss her on the way out the door,
She just put her little hand on his face
I don't understand why you're leaving, she said
But I hope your gonna ask me to wait

And then your hear 'em say
That miles away
We lost another one that we sent with a gun
His lady missed him,
he was two weeks from twenty
and there's still no shame
From the man to blame

Jimmy's mother went to Capitol Hill
So she could fill her heart up with joy
Maybe shake a few hands while she's there
and tell them thank you sir for taking my boy.

And then your hear 'em say
That miles away
We lost another one that we sent with a gun
His mama missed him
he was two weeks from twenty
and there's still no shame
From the man to blame
No there's still no shame
And we're all to blame

two weeks from twenty

Jimmy wasn't really popular
He had a couple of friends back home
And sooner or later they're all
getting out so he had to join up alone
He was dreaming of the Ivy League
since he was only three feet tall
And get the hell out of jersey
and then he would never look back at all

And then your hear 'em say
That miles away
We lost another one
that we sent with a gun
They're gonna miss him
he was two weeks from twenty
and there's still no shame
From the man to blame

Jimmy never had a reason to stay
Cos all the factories shut down
All he had was a line for his name
So he could sign away his right to be proud
He tried to kiss her on the way out the door,
She just put her little hand on his face
I don't understand why you're leaving, she said
But I hope your gonna ask me to wait

And then your hear 'em say
That miles away
We lost another one that we sent with a gun
His lady missed him,
he was two weeks from twenty
and there's still no shame
From the man to blame

Jimmy's mother went to Capitol Hill
So she could fill her heart up with joy
Maybe shake a few hands while she's there
and tell them thank you sir for taking my boy.

And then your hear 'em say
That miles away
We lost another one that we sent with a gun
His mama missed him
he was two weeks from twenty
and there's still no shame
From the man to blame
No there's still no shame
And we're all to blame

two weeks from twenty

Jimmy wasn't really popular
He had a couple of friends back home
And sooner or later they're all
getting out so he had to join up alone
He was dreaming of the Ivy League
since he was only three feet tall
And get the hell out of jersey
and then he would never look back at all

And then your hear 'em say
That miles away
We lost another one
that we sent with a gun
They're gonna miss him
he was two weeks from twenty
and there's still no shame
From the man to blame

Jimmy never had a reason to stay
Cos all the factories shut down
All he had was a line for his name
So he could sign away his right to be proud
He tried to kiss her on the way out the door,
She just put her little hand on his face
I don't understand why you're leaving, she said
But I hope your gonna ask me to wait

And then your hear 'em say
That miles away
We lost another one that we sent with a gun
His lady missed him,
he was two weeks from twenty
and there's still no shame
From the man to blame

Jimmy's mother went to Capitol Hill
So she could fill her heart up with joy
Maybe shake a few hands while she's there
and tell them thank you sir for taking my boy.

And then your hear 'em say
That miles away
We lost another one that we sent with a gun
His mama missed him
he was two weeks from twenty
and there's still no shame
From the man to blame
No there's still no shame
And we're all to blame

I'll be there for you

(this is dedicated
to my friends,
all of them)


No dream dies
Its always there
Waiting to happen
There is no darkness
with no light all you need
to do is dream of the sun
all you need to do is grasp the light
and the clouds of darkness will disappear
There is always a path to take
It may be long, it may be hard,
it may be dark, but theres always a path
You may drop your flash light,
the light which leads you,
But you could always pick it up,
don't give up, Even if you trip along the way,
I'll help you up We're never apart
We'll always be under the same sky
The sky who's clouds roll by for us
the sky where the sun and the moon sets for us
We'll always be under the same moon,
under the same sun, under the same stars
Wherever you are in the world,
we'll always be together
Even if you're left broken hearted
even if your reduced to nothing
know there will always be
someone who loves you
a friend, who will be there forever
No matter what we'll be together
because dreams come true
because there is light
because we won't give up
because I will always be there

I'll be there for you

(this is dedicated
to my friends,
all of them)


No dream dies
Its always there
Waiting to happen
There is no darkness
with no light all you need
to do is dream of the sun
all you need to do is grasp the light
and the clouds of darkness will disappear
There is always a path to take
It may be long, it may be hard,
it may be dark, but theres always a path
You may drop your flash light,
the light which leads you,
But you could always pick it up,
don't give up, Even if you trip along the way,
I'll help you up We're never apart
We'll always be under the same sky
The sky who's clouds roll by for us
the sky where the sun and the moon sets for us
We'll always be under the same moon,
under the same sun, under the same stars
Wherever you are in the world,
we'll always be together
Even if you're left broken hearted
even if your reduced to nothing
know there will always be
someone who loves you
a friend, who will be there forever
No matter what we'll be together
because dreams come true
because there is light
because we won't give up
because I will always be there

I'll be there for you

(this is dedicated
to my friends,
all of them)


No dream dies
Its always there
Waiting to happen
There is no darkness
with no light all you need
to do is dream of the sun
all you need to do is grasp the light
and the clouds of darkness will disappear
There is always a path to take
It may be long, it may be hard,
it may be dark, but theres always a path
You may drop your flash light,
the light which leads you,
But you could always pick it up,
don't give up, Even if you trip along the way,
I'll help you up We're never apart
We'll always be under the same sky
The sky who's clouds roll by for us
the sky where the sun and the moon sets for us
We'll always be under the same moon,
under the same sun, under the same stars
Wherever you are in the world,
we'll always be together
Even if you're left broken hearted
even if your reduced to nothing
know there will always be
someone who loves you
a friend, who will be there forever
No matter what we'll be together
because dreams come true
because there is light
because we won't give up
because I will always be there

I'm so tired

yea so today is going to be hell, i didn't go to bed last night till almost 3, and now its almost 10am, and i am on my way to work.... i can't wait to get home, i am going straight to bed....

I'm so tired

yea so today is going to be hell, i didn't go to bed last night till almost 3, and now its almost 10am, and i am on my way to work.... i can't wait to get home, i am going straight to bed....

I'm so tired

yea so today is going to be hell, i didn't go to bed last night till almost 3, and now its almost 10am, and i am on my way to work.... i can't wait to get home, i am going straight to bed....

Helen

I know you will read this, and the email I sent didn't say much, cause I didn't know what to say, but I realized after I sent it that I left out, I wish you the best of luck on your GED, and everything else, and I know you will do great, don't let this darken your spirit on what you need to do down there. I still love you, and am still praying for you to get everything done soon, and like I said, in the email, and in the post below, my door is always open for you and Justice, and only the two of you. Until we meet again my friend, my love....

Helen

I know you will read this, and the email I sent didn't say much, cause I didn't know what to say, but I realized after I sent it that I left out, I wish you the best of luck on your GED, and everything else, and I know you will do great, don't let this darken your spirit on what you need to do down there. I still love you, and am still praying for you to get everything done soon, and like I said, in the email, and in the post below, my door is always open for you and Justice, and only the two of you. Until we meet again my friend, my love....

Helen

I know you will read this, and the email I sent didn't say much, cause I didn't know what to say, but I realized after I sent it that I left out, I wish you the best of luck on your GED, and everything else, and I know you will do great, don't let this darken your spirit on what you need to do down there. I still love you, and am still praying for you to get everything done soon, and like I said, in the email, and in the post below, my door is always open for you and Justice, and only the two of you. Until we meet again my friend, my love....

You and me I can see us dying...are we?

So, I did what I never thought I would do again, but this time, its not meant to be a permanat thing, just something that I needed to do, cause I can't deal with the long distance thing. Things were/are not the same as they were, which I guess I should have known things would change, but like I told her, I still love her, and her and Justice will always have a home here in Indiana. I hope I did the right thing, and this isn't one of those impulsive things that I will regret down the road, but who knows, only time will tell, but right now for me, its better this way, and I hope she understands, so I guess I am offically single again, and not to be taken as I am looking for anyone, cause I know the one for me, and even though her and I are not dating right now, when she comes home, I'm sure we'll pick right back up where we left off, so this is only a temporary thing.

I hope......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last time it was meant to be permant and it wasn't....
I hope things don't work the oppoiste this time
I hope its not going to be one of those
It's meant to be temporary but isn't

You and me I can see us dying...are we?

So, I did what I never thought I would do again, but this time, its not meant to be a permanat thing, just something that I needed to do, cause I can't deal with the long distance thing. Things were/are not the same as they were, which I guess I should have known things would change, but like I told her, I still love her, and her and Justice will always have a home here in Indiana. I hope I did the right thing, and this isn't one of those impulsive things that I will regret down the road, but who knows, only time will tell, but right now for me, its better this way, and I hope she understands, so I guess I am offically single again, and not to be taken as I am looking for anyone, cause I know the one for me, and even though her and I are not dating right now, when she comes home, I'm sure we'll pick right back up where we left off, so this is only a temporary thing.

I hope......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last time it was meant to be permant and it wasn't....
I hope things don't work the oppoiste this time
I hope its not going to be one of those
It's meant to be temporary but isn't

You and me I can see us dying...are we?

So, I did what I never thought I would do again, but this time, its not meant to be a permanat thing, just something that I needed to do, cause I can't deal with the long distance thing. Things were/are not the same as they were, which I guess I should have known things would change, but like I told her, I still love her, and her and Justice will always have a home here in Indiana. I hope I did the right thing, and this isn't one of those impulsive things that I will regret down the road, but who knows, only time will tell, but right now for me, its better this way, and I hope she understands, so I guess I am offically single again, and not to be taken as I am looking for anyone, cause I know the one for me, and even though her and I are not dating right now, when she comes home, I'm sure we'll pick right back up where we left off, so this is only a temporary thing.

I hope......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last time it was meant to be permant and it wasn't....
I hope things don't work the oppoiste this time
I hope its not going to be one of those
It's meant to be temporary but isn't

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining

Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining

Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining

Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts

toothpastefordinner.com

Yea So I Thought This Was Funny As Hell, I Decided To Put The Pic On Here, I Made A Post About The Site A Few Days Ago, If You Have Not Checked It Out Yet, I Suggest You Do So, Its Some Funny Stuff

toothpastefordinner.com

Yea So I Thought This Was Funny As Hell, I Decided To Put The Pic On Here, I Made A Post About The Site A Few Days Ago, If You Have Not Checked It Out Yet, I Suggest You Do So, Its Some Funny Stuff

toothpastefordinner.com

Yea So I Thought This Was Funny As Hell, I Decided To Put The Pic On Here, I Made A Post About The Site A Few Days Ago, If You Have Not Checked It Out Yet, I Suggest You Do So, Its Some Funny Stuff

So today has been a long eventful day, i don't even know where to begin, well first and foremost, I got my car fixed, and it actually works now. So that is just great. I am so happy to be back in my car, where I spent so much time the past few years, with friends, and the first memories of me and Helen are in that car also, the car is full of memories. I'll skip the middle of the day and go to the end, tonight after I did everything else, I went to Melissa's to get my book I let her borrow, and a poem book she found that I made who knows when, sometime since I lived here though, cause I remember making it in my room before me and mom switched rooms, but its been since I moved here in March of 05, anyways, I wasn't planning on staying long since Melissa and I have not hung out or talked much for that matter in forever, but I stayed for almost an hour, and it was fun, just like old times... anyways, back to the middle of the day that I skipped, I went to see grandma, about moving and stuff, and we went and looked at the house, even though I know what it looks like cause I have been there many times, but anyways, it needs a fridge and a dryer, and some furniture, but it has a washer, 2 beds, 2 couches, and a kitchen table and stuff, and some other odd and end furniture that is stuffed in one room... then I was taking grandma home and she decided that we should go see my dad, which we did, and it was an odd visit like all visits with him, I never see him hardly and when I do, I feel that there is too much catching up to do, that its not even worth trying, but in the end of the visit we talked about mom for a while, and he started crying and told me that he loves me, and he loves her, and not a day goes by that he dosn't think about us, and how he wished we'd come home, and he knows he made a lot of mistakes in the past, and I told him I am coming home, cause I now know its where I belong and I forgive him, but to much time has passed to even try to catch up on all we have missed out on from each others lifes... and then i remember how depressed I used to be, and I don't know if I should move back there now, even though I want to so much, cause I feel so disconeccted from that whole side of my family, and I really don't know what to do... It is hard to live like this. Each day is a struggle, the vagaries of life presenting alternating degrees of insurmountability. When will it all end? When will the simple pleasure of enjoying the sun's rays and the shine of the moon, become more than excercises in conquering the demons of the past? Demons, that threaten to haunt my future?

So today has been a long eventful day, i don't even know where to begin, well first and foremost, I got my car fixed, and it actually works now. So that is just great. I am so happy to be back in my car, where I spent so much time the past few years, with friends, and the first memories of me and Helen are in that car also, the car is full of memories. I'll skip the middle of the day and go to the end, tonight after I did everything else, I went to Melissa's to get my book I let her borrow, and a poem book she found that I made who knows when, sometime since I lived here though, cause I remember making it in my room before me and mom switched rooms, but its been since I moved here in March of 05, anyways, I wasn't planning on staying long since Melissa and I have not hung out or talked much for that matter in forever, but I stayed for almost an hour, and it was fun, just like old times... anyways, back to the middle of the day that I skipped, I went to see grandma, about moving and stuff, and we went and looked at the house, even though I know what it looks like cause I have been there many times, but anyways, it needs a fridge and a dryer, and some furniture, but it has a washer, 2 beds, 2 couches, and a kitchen table and stuff, and some other odd and end furniture that is stuffed in one room... then I was taking grandma home and she decided that we should go see my dad, which we did, and it was an odd visit like all visits with him, I never see him hardly and when I do, I feel that there is too much catching up to do, that its not even worth trying, but in the end of the visit we talked about mom for a while, and he started crying and told me that he loves me, and he loves her, and not a day goes by that he dosn't think about us, and how he wished we'd come home, and he knows he made a lot of mistakes in the past, and I told him I am coming home, cause I now know its where I belong and I forgive him, but to much time has passed to even try to catch up on all we have missed out on from each others lifes... and then i remember how depressed I used to be, and I don't know if I should move back there now, even though I want to so much, cause I feel so disconeccted from that whole side of my family, and I really don't know what to do... It is hard to live like this. Each day is a struggle, the vagaries of life presenting alternating degrees of insurmountability. When will it all end? When will the simple pleasure of enjoying the sun's rays and the shine of the moon, become more than excercises in conquering the demons of the past? Demons, that threaten to haunt my future?

So today has been a long eventful day, i don't even know where to begin, well first and foremost, I got my car fixed, and it actually works now. So that is just great. I am so happy to be back in my car, where I spent so much time the past few years, with friends, and the first memories of me and Helen are in that car also, the car is full of memories. I'll skip the middle of the day and go to the end, tonight after I did everything else, I went to Melissa's to get my book I let her borrow, and a poem book she found that I made who knows when, sometime since I lived here though, cause I remember making it in my room before me and mom switched rooms, but its been since I moved here in March of 05, anyways, I wasn't planning on staying long since Melissa and I have not hung out or talked much for that matter in forever, but I stayed for almost an hour, and it was fun, just like old times... anyways, back to the middle of the day that I skipped, I went to see grandma, about moving and stuff, and we went and looked at the house, even though I know what it looks like cause I have been there many times, but anyways, it needs a fridge and a dryer, and some furniture, but it has a washer, 2 beds, 2 couches, and a kitchen table and stuff, and some other odd and end furniture that is stuffed in one room... then I was taking grandma home and she decided that we should go see my dad, which we did, and it was an odd visit like all visits with him, I never see him hardly and when I do, I feel that there is too much catching up to do, that its not even worth trying, but in the end of the visit we talked about mom for a while, and he started crying and told me that he loves me, and he loves her, and not a day goes by that he dosn't think about us, and how he wished we'd come home, and he knows he made a lot of mistakes in the past, and I told him I am coming home, cause I now know its where I belong and I forgive him, but to much time has passed to even try to catch up on all we have missed out on from each others lifes... and then i remember how depressed I used to be, and I don't know if I should move back there now, even though I want to so much, cause I feel so disconeccted from that whole side of my family, and I really don't know what to do... It is hard to live like this. Each day is a struggle, the vagaries of life presenting alternating degrees of insurmountability. When will it all end? When will the simple pleasure of enjoying the sun's rays and the shine of the moon, become more than excercises in conquering the demons of the past? Demons, that threaten to haunt my future?

Before

Before

Before anything now......

Before the Internet & text messaging.

Before Sidekicks & iPods.

Before MIKE JONESSS

Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX.

Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night.

WHEN LIGHT UP SNEAKERS WERE KOOL

When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.

When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.

When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.

Way back.

Tag.

Get Over Here!!!! means something to you.

Hide-n-Go Seek at dusk.

Red Light, Green Light.

Heads Up 7 Up.

Playing Kickball & Dodgeball until your porch light came on.

Hopskotch.

Slip-n-Slides.

Tree Houses.

Hula Hoops.

Reading R.L. Stine's Goose Bumps.

The annoying Nano Pets & Furbies.

Running through the sprinklers.

Crying when Mufasa died in the Lion King.

Happy Meals where you chose a Barbie or a Hot Wheels car.

Getting the privelage to sit in the front seat of the car.

Drinking Sqeeze It "Squeeze The Fun Out Of It"

Wait.

Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons in your PJ's still wrapped up in your Garfield comforter.

Hey Arnold, Doug, Rugrats.

The original Power Rangers

Or what about:

The Secret Life of Alex Mac.

Ren & Stimpy.

Double Dare.

Rocko's Modern Life.

AAAHH!! REAL MONSTERS.

Wild & Crazy Kids.

Clarissa Explains it All.

salute your shorts(CAMP ANAWANA)

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

The original cast members of all that.

Kenan & Kel.

doug.

magic school bus.

flash forward.

pete and pete.

legends of the hidden temple.

hey dude.

dinosaurs.

pinky and the brain.

blossom.

hangin with mr.copper.

wishbone.

bill-nye the science guy.

kablamm.

Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite with Bewitched, I Dream of Jenie, The Facts of Life & I Love Lucy.

Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching The Wonder Years.

or nick jr. with face

gulah gulah island

little bear

under the unbrella tree

the busy world of richard scary

the adventures of winnie the pooh

Kool-Aid was the drink of choice.

Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school.

Class field trips.

POGS

When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.

When $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.

When you begged to go to McDonalds for dinner everyday.

When Toys R Us overuled the mall.

Go back to the time when

Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming 'do over!'

'Race issue' ment arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'Monopoly'.

It wasn't odd to have two or three 'best' friends.

Being old referred to anyone over 20.

A chance to skate as a couple at the local roller rink was like winning the lottery.

Scrapes & bruises were kissed & made better.

It was a big deal to finally be tall enought to ride the 'big people' rides at the fair.

When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.

When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.
(They still do!)

When Lisa Frank was the raddest thing ever.

When a candy bar at the grocery store was the highlight of your day.

When coupons collected all year could get you a prize in your class auction.

When the only thing you cried over was your mom being late to pick you up.

When stress was addition and subtraction.

When friendships were as complicated as who's house to sleep over and who's to TP

When shaving cream was just meant for play.

When a first kiss only lead to cooties.

When valentines day meant cards for all.

When birthdays were a class event.

When a friend moving away was the saddest day of your life. (Yeah, like me :'(....)

who would have thought youd miss the 90's so much

Post this in your bulletin only if you remember these days..

Before

Before

Before anything now......

Before the Internet & text messaging.

Before Sidekicks & iPods.

Before MIKE JONESSS

Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX.

Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night.

WHEN LIGHT UP SNEAKERS WERE KOOL

When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.

When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.

When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.

Way back.

Tag.

Get Over Here!!!! means something to you.

Hide-n-Go Seek at dusk.

Red Light, Green Light.

Heads Up 7 Up.

Playing Kickball & Dodgeball until your porch light came on.

Hopskotch.

Slip-n-Slides.

Tree Houses.

Hula Hoops.

Reading R.L. Stine's Goose Bumps.

The annoying Nano Pets & Furbies.

Running through the sprinklers.

Crying when Mufasa died in the Lion King.

Happy Meals where you chose a Barbie or a Hot Wheels car.

Getting the privelage to sit in the front seat of the car.

Drinking Sqeeze It "Squeeze The Fun Out Of It"

Wait.

Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons in your PJ's still wrapped up in your Garfield comforter.

Hey Arnold, Doug, Rugrats.

The original Power Rangers

Or what about:

The Secret Life of Alex Mac.

Ren & Stimpy.

Double Dare.

Rocko's Modern Life.

AAAHH!! REAL MONSTERS.

Wild & Crazy Kids.

Clarissa Explains it All.

salute your shorts(CAMP ANAWANA)

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

The original cast members of all that.

Kenan & Kel.

doug.

magic school bus.

flash forward.

pete and pete.

legends of the hidden temple.

hey dude.

dinosaurs.

pinky and the brain.

blossom.

hangin with mr.copper.

wishbone.

bill-nye the science guy.

kablamm.

Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite with Bewitched, I Dream of Jenie, The Facts of Life & I Love Lucy.

Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching The Wonder Years.

or nick jr. with face

gulah gulah island

little bear

under the unbrella tree

the busy world of richard scary

the adventures of winnie the pooh

Kool-Aid was the drink of choice.

Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school.

Class field trips.

POGS

When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.

When $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.

When you begged to go to McDonalds for dinner everyday.

When Toys R Us overuled the mall.

Go back to the time when

Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming 'do over!'

'Race issue' ment arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'Monopoly'.

It wasn't odd to have two or three 'best' friends.

Being old referred to anyone over 20.

A chance to skate as a couple at the local roller rink was like winning the lottery.

Scrapes & bruises were kissed & made better.

It was a big deal to finally be tall enought to ride the 'big people' rides at the fair.

When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.

When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.
(They still do!)

When Lisa Frank was the raddest thing ever.

When a candy bar at the grocery store was the highlight of your day.

When coupons collected all year could get you a prize in your class auction.

When the only thing you cried over was your mom being late to pick you up.

When stress was addition and subtraction.

When friendships were as complicated as who's house to sleep over and who's to TP

When shaving cream was just meant for play.

When a first kiss only lead to cooties.

When valentines day meant cards for all.

When birthdays were a class event.

When a friend moving away was the saddest day of your life. (Yeah, like me :'(....)

who would have thought youd miss the 90's so much

Post this in your bulletin only if you remember these days..

Before

Before

Before anything now......

Before the Internet & text messaging.

Before Sidekicks & iPods.

Before MIKE JONESSS

Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX.

Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night.

WHEN LIGHT UP SNEAKERS WERE KOOL

When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.

When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.

When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.

Way back.

Tag.

Get Over Here!!!! means something to you.

Hide-n-Go Seek at dusk.

Red Light, Green Light.

Heads Up 7 Up.

Playing Kickball & Dodgeball until your porch light came on.

Hopskotch.

Slip-n-Slides.

Tree Houses.

Hula Hoops.

Reading R.L. Stine's Goose Bumps.

The annoying Nano Pets & Furbies.

Running through the sprinklers.

Crying when Mufasa died in the Lion King.

Happy Meals where you chose a Barbie or a Hot Wheels car.

Getting the privelage to sit in the front seat of the car.

Drinking Sqeeze It "Squeeze The Fun Out Of It"

Wait.

Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons in your PJ's still wrapped up in your Garfield comforter.

Hey Arnold, Doug, Rugrats.

The original Power Rangers

Or what about:

The Secret Life of Alex Mac.

Ren & Stimpy.

Double Dare.

Rocko's Modern Life.

AAAHH!! REAL MONSTERS.

Wild & Crazy Kids.

Clarissa Explains it All.

salute your shorts(CAMP ANAWANA)

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

The original cast members of all that.

Kenan & Kel.

doug.

magic school bus.

flash forward.

pete and pete.

legends of the hidden temple.

hey dude.

dinosaurs.

pinky and the brain.

blossom.

hangin with mr.copper.

wishbone.

bill-nye the science guy.

kablamm.

Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite with Bewitched, I Dream of Jenie, The Facts of Life & I Love Lucy.

Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching The Wonder Years.

or nick jr. with face

gulah gulah island

little bear

under the unbrella tree

the busy world of richard scary

the adventures of winnie the pooh

Kool-Aid was the drink of choice.

Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school.

Class field trips.

POGS

When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.

When $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.

When you begged to go to McDonalds for dinner everyday.

When Toys R Us overuled the mall.

Go back to the time when

Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming 'do over!'

'Race issue' ment arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'Monopoly'.

It wasn't odd to have two or three 'best' friends.

Being old referred to anyone over 20.

A chance to skate as a couple at the local roller rink was like winning the lottery.

Scrapes & bruises were kissed & made better.

It was a big deal to finally be tall enought to ride the 'big people' rides at the fair.

When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.

When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.
(They still do!)

When Lisa Frank was the raddest thing ever.

When a candy bar at the grocery store was the highlight of your day.

When coupons collected all year could get you a prize in your class auction.

When the only thing you cried over was your mom being late to pick you up.

When stress was addition and subtraction.

When friendships were as complicated as who's house to sleep over and who's to TP

When shaving cream was just meant for play.

When a first kiss only lead to cooties.

When valentines day meant cards for all.

When birthdays were a class event.

When a friend moving away was the saddest day of your life. (Yeah, like me :'(....)

who would have thought youd miss the 90's so much

Post this in your bulletin only if you remember these days..

Made By Melissa

Helen

Chris

Melissa
Chris and Helen

Made By Melissa

Helen

Chris

Melissa
Chris and Helen

Made By Melissa

Helen

Chris

Melissa
Chris and Helen

Fall Away By The Fray

You swear you recall
nothing at all
That could make you
come back down
You made up your mind
to leave it all behind
Now you're forced
to fight it out

You fall away from your past
But it's following you

You left something undone,
it's now your rerun
It's the one you can't erase
You should have made it right,
so you wouldn't have to fight
To put a smile back on your face

You fall away from your past
But it's following you
You fall away

Something I've done
that I can't outrun
Maybe you should wait
maybe you should run
But there's something
you've said that can't be undone

And you fall away from your past
But It's following you

You fall away
It's following you

Fall Away By The Fray

You swear you recall
nothing at all
That could make you
come back down
You made up your mind
to leave it all behind
Now you're forced
to fight it out

You fall away from your past
But it's following you

You left something undone,
it's now your rerun
It's the one you can't erase
You should have made it right,
so you wouldn't have to fight
To put a smile back on your face

You fall away from your past
But it's following you
You fall away

Something I've done
that I can't outrun
Maybe you should wait
maybe you should run
But there's something
you've said that can't be undone

And you fall away from your past
But It's following you

You fall away
It's following you

Fall Away By The Fray

You swear you recall
nothing at all
That could make you
come back down
You made up your mind
to leave it all behind
Now you're forced
to fight it out

You fall away from your past
But it's following you

You left something undone,
it's now your rerun
It's the one you can't erase
You should have made it right,
so you wouldn't have to fight
To put a smile back on your face

You fall away from your past
But it's following you
You fall away

Something I've done
that I can't outrun
Maybe you should wait
maybe you should run
But there's something
you've said that can't be undone

And you fall away from your past
But It's following you

You fall away
It's following you

A Promise

Do you close your eyes as I do and think
Is this real, could it be true ?
When you say those two words "Good bye"
Do you sit and think and want to cry
Missing the words, the feelings, the person
That was just there the one you love,
the one for which you care
Wearing that heart out on your sleeve
Wanting to stay, not wanting to leave
Hearing the love in the words, in the voice
Closing your eyes feeling glad you made the choice
To reach out that day and touch this person
here with you now this person you now trust
So even though we each say goodbye
There is no reason to fret, no reason to cry
For we are always there for each other
As a friend and As a lover
So put your hand on your heart
Breathe in, breathe deep For we are always
Together, Forever Even in sleep
I'll always be here for you When awake or asleep
This I do promise And promise To keep

A Promise

Do you close your eyes as I do and think
Is this real, could it be true ?
When you say those two words "Good bye"
Do you sit and think and want to cry
Missing the words, the feelings, the person
That was just there the one you love,
the one for which you care
Wearing that heart out on your sleeve
Wanting to stay, not wanting to leave
Hearing the love in the words, in the voice
Closing your eyes feeling glad you made the choice
To reach out that day and touch this person
here with you now this person you now trust
So even though we each say goodbye
There is no reason to fret, no reason to cry
For we are always there for each other
As a friend and As a lover
So put your hand on your heart
Breathe in, breathe deep For we are always
Together, Forever Even in sleep
I'll always be here for you When awake or asleep
This I do promise And promise To keep

A Promise

Do you close your eyes as I do and think
Is this real, could it be true ?
When you say those two words "Good bye"
Do you sit and think and want to cry
Missing the words, the feelings, the person
That was just there the one you love,
the one for which you care
Wearing that heart out on your sleeve
Wanting to stay, not wanting to leave
Hearing the love in the words, in the voice
Closing your eyes feeling glad you made the choice
To reach out that day and touch this person
here with you now this person you now trust
So even though we each say goodbye
There is no reason to fret, no reason to cry
For we are always there for each other
As a friend and As a lover
So put your hand on your heart
Breathe in, breathe deep For we are always
Together, Forever Even in sleep
I'll always be here for you When awake or asleep
This I do promise And promise To keep

A site I found

There is a darkness inside us.
Some suppress it.
Others dwell in it.

The net is the reflection of humanity.
Explore it, and you will discover all we are...
both light and dark.
The light can be found everywhere,
but it is the dark which fascinates us.
We are drawn to it.

This site is a doorway to the dark...
if what you find passing through here disturbs you,
there is no need to return.

If you can resist...

A site I found

There is a darkness inside us.
Some suppress it.
Others dwell in it.

The net is the reflection of humanity.
Explore it, and you will discover all we are...
both light and dark.
The light can be found everywhere,
but it is the dark which fascinates us.
We are drawn to it.

This site is a doorway to the dark...
if what you find passing through here disturbs you,
there is no need to return.

If you can resist...

A site I found

There is a darkness inside us.
Some suppress it.
Others dwell in it.

The net is the reflection of humanity.
Explore it, and you will discover all we are...
both light and dark.
The light can be found everywhere,
but it is the dark which fascinates us.
We are drawn to it.

This site is a doorway to the dark...
if what you find passing through here disturbs you,
there is no need to return.

If you can resist...

Ok so I posted alot today,
not as much as in the past,
but still alot.

I also added something
to the "me" page,
so check that out
its not much...
but its still new,

well I am going to go to bed
its only almost 6am,
when I will get back
to my normal sleeping habits??

Ok so I posted alot today,
not as much as in the past,
but still alot.

I also added something
to the "me" page,
so check that out
its not much...
but its still new,

well I am going to go to bed
its only almost 6am,
when I will get back
to my normal sleeping habits??

Ok so I posted alot today,
not as much as in the past,
but still alot.

I also added something
to the "me" page,
so check that out
its not much...
but its still new,

well I am going to go to bed
its only almost 6am,
when I will get back
to my normal sleeping habits??

An old poem, and a new outlook

So I was going though an old book I used to write in
and found this poem, and decided to put it on here.

There was a point in my life in which i was really happy.
We used to be together and now i feel as if im losing my best friend,
the one i was able to tell anything to. We had both good and bad times,
but i never imagined we would separate. All i feel in my heart is emptiness.
Such a weird emotion it is. Now it's all ending.
All i wish now is to be loved by someone who is also wonderful.
I must wake from this sad dream and try to achieve a real life.
Another thing i have been wondering about is these dreams that i keep having,
what do they mean and why do they physically hurt me.
Hopefully soon i will find out and maybe even write about it.

And a few weeks after I wrote that I wrote this

I was once told that love helps in everything.
But now all the precious things are slipping away,
so I have learned that there are times
when love cant help.
No matter what happens
giving up should never be an option.
Giving up is the last thing that
should ever be done because
you will lose everything.
You can give up any time,
but once its gone it never comes back.
The memories all of it, gone forever.
I have come to a realization
about happiness that is that
people just don’t realize
what’s really making them happy.
Maybe that’s how everything is,
the happiness is really close by
and we're just not seeing it.
Hope is another thing that
must always be kept.
Sometimes I feel like
there are things that I can’t do,
but I must not let the people
that care for me the most down.
I must be strong no matter
what the situation, for I too
give hope to many people.
Somehow I have managed
to keep many of feelings inside of me,
not because I wish
to keep things to myself but,
because I feel as if I can’t trust anyone.
Deep inside this people that care for me
should know what my emotions are like
and why I try to escape from reality,
one day maybe i will have the courage
to let them know what I think,
till that day I must live on
with everything just kept inside of me.
Certain people might not consider one important,
because if i was that important
she would have held on tightly.
Everything happens for a reason
as they say "you get what you deserve".
My guess is that I am getting what I deserve myself.
I know that happiness comes to those that deserve it;
I know I no longer deserve to be happy
I feel this great sadness all around me,
trying to consume me but I cant do anything to stop,
and it will not stop. I just hope that those that
cared for me will be happy
I also hope they don’t let go of that
important person in their lives,
because they will regret it forever.

Well some of this makes more since now than it did
I have let many people leave my life
some I wanted to go....
and some I just didn't want to fight for
but now I know that I should have tried
to hold on to those ones
but its to late now,
Melissa and I are forever just
Internet pen pals
and Joey and I....
well... I don't know what
him and I are anymore
there are other people whom
have come and gone also...
some I miss alot,
and some I rarley think of
but in Melissa, and Joey's cases
I was replaced by someone
who could give them more than I ever could
who could be there for them like I could not
and as much as it pains me to say this
I know it's for the best
but at least I have found someone
that loves me and is wonderful
and I cherish the time we spend together
even now when its only
a phone call or an email
I know that she loves me
and she knows I love her
and I'll be damend
if I lose her, or let her walk away
without me fighting to hold on
this is something I wanted to do in the past
but thought it would do no good
and maybe i was right
but like i said, its to late now for me and them
but this time with Helen it will be differant
I hope so at least

An old poem, and a new outlook

So I was going though an old book I used to write in
and found this poem, and decided to put it on here.

There was a point in my life in which i was really happy.
We used to be together and now i feel as if im losing my best friend,
the one i was able to tell anything to. We had both good and bad times,
but i never imagined we would separate. All i feel in my heart is emptiness.
Such a weird emotion it is. Now it's all ending.
All i wish now is to be loved by someone who is also wonderful.
I must wake from this sad dream and try to achieve a real life.
Another thing i have been wondering about is these dreams that i keep having,
what do they mean and why do they physically hurt me.
Hopefully soon i will find out and maybe even write about it.

And a few weeks after I wrote that I wrote this

I was once told that love helps in everything.
But now all the precious things are slipping away,
so I have learned that there are times
when love cant help.
No matter what happens
giving up should never be an option.
Giving up is the last thing that
should ever be done because
you will lose everything.
You can give up any time,
but once its gone it never comes back.
The memories all of it, gone forever.
I have come to a realization
about happiness that is that
people just don’t realize
what’s really making them happy.
Maybe that’s how everything is,
the happiness is really close by
and we're just not seeing it.
Hope is another thing that
must always be kept.
Sometimes I feel like
there are things that I can’t do,
but I must not let the people
that care for me the most down.
I must be strong no matter
what the situation, for I too
give hope to many people.
Somehow I have managed
to keep many of feelings inside of me,
not because I wish
to keep things to myself but,
because I feel as if I can’t trust anyone.
Deep inside this people that care for me
should know what my emotions are like
and why I try to escape from reality,
one day maybe i will have the courage
to let them know what I think,
till that day I must live on
with everything just kept inside of me.
Certain people might not consider one important,
because if i was that important
she would have held on tightly.
Everything happens for a reason
as they say "you get what you deserve".
My guess is that I am getting what I deserve myself.
I know that happiness comes to those that deserve it;
I know I no longer deserve to be happy
I feel this great sadness all around me,
trying to consume me but I cant do anything to stop,
and it will not stop. I just hope that those that
cared for me will be happy
I also hope they don’t let go of that
important person in their lives,
because they will regret it forever.

Well some of this makes more since now than it did
I have let many people leave my life
some I wanted to go....
and some I just didn't want to fight for
but now I know that I should have tried
to hold on to those ones
but its to late now,
Melissa and I are forever just
Internet pen pals
and Joey and I....
well... I don't know what
him and I are anymore
there are other people whom
have come and gone also...
some I miss alot,
and some I rarley think of
but in Melissa, and Joey's cases
I was replaced by someone
who could give them more than I ever could
who could be there for them like I could not
and as much as it pains me to say this
I know it's for the best
but at least I have found someone
that loves me and is wonderful
and I cherish the time we spend together
even now when its only
a phone call or an email
I know that she loves me
and she knows I love her
and I'll be damend
if I lose her, or let her walk away
without me fighting to hold on
this is something I wanted to do in the past
but thought it would do no good
and maybe i was right
but like i said, its to late now for me and them
but this time with Helen it will be differant
I hope so at least

An old poem, and a new outlook

So I was going though an old book I used to write in
and found this poem, and decided to put it on here.

There was a point in my life in which i was really happy.
We used to be together and now i feel as if im losing my best friend,
the one i was able to tell anything to. We had both good and bad times,
but i never imagined we would separate. All i feel in my heart is emptiness.
Such a weird emotion it is. Now it's all ending.
All i wish now is to be loved by someone who is also wonderful.
I must wake from this sad dream and try to achieve a real life.
Another thing i have been wondering about is these dreams that i keep having,
what do they mean and why do they physically hurt me.
Hopefully soon i will find out and maybe even write about it.

And a few weeks after I wrote that I wrote this

I was once told that love helps in everything.
But now all the precious things are slipping away,
so I have learned that there are times
when love cant help.
No matter what happens
giving up should never be an option.
Giving up is the last thing that
should ever be done because
you will lose everything.
You can give up any time,
but once its gone it never comes back.
The memories all of it, gone forever.
I have come to a realization
about happiness that is that
people just don’t realize
what’s really making them happy.
Maybe that’s how everything is,
the happiness is really close by
and we're just not seeing it.
Hope is another thing that
must always be kept.
Sometimes I feel like
there are things that I can’t do,
but I must not let the people
that care for me the most down.
I must be strong no matter
what the situation, for I too
give hope to many people.
Somehow I have managed
to keep many of feelings inside of me,
not because I wish
to keep things to myself but,
because I feel as if I can’t trust anyone.
Deep inside this people that care for me
should know what my emotions are like
and why I try to escape from reality,
one day maybe i will have the courage
to let them know what I think,
till that day I must live on
with everything just kept inside of me.
Certain people might not consider one important,
because if i was that important
she would have held on tightly.
Everything happens for a reason
as they say "you get what you deserve".
My guess is that I am getting what I deserve myself.
I know that happiness comes to those that deserve it;
I know I no longer deserve to be happy
I feel this great sadness all around me,
trying to consume me but I cant do anything to stop,
and it will not stop. I just hope that those that
cared for me will be happy
I also hope they don’t let go of that
important person in their lives,
because they will regret it forever.

Well some of this makes more since now than it did
I have let many people leave my life
some I wanted to go....
and some I just didn't want to fight for
but now I know that I should have tried
to hold on to those ones
but its to late now,
Melissa and I are forever just
Internet pen pals
and Joey and I....
well... I don't know what
him and I are anymore
there are other people whom
have come and gone also...
some I miss alot,
and some I rarley think of
but in Melissa, and Joey's cases
I was replaced by someone
who could give them more than I ever could
who could be there for them like I could not
and as much as it pains me to say this
I know it's for the best
but at least I have found someone
that loves me and is wonderful
and I cherish the time we spend together
even now when its only
a phone call or an email
I know that she loves me
and she knows I love her
and I'll be damend
if I lose her, or let her walk away
without me fighting to hold on
this is something I wanted to do in the past
but thought it would do no good
and maybe i was right
but like i said, its to late now for me and them
but this time with Helen it will be differant
I hope so at least

A friend is someone who cares about you.
The one that you can count on
in times of troubles, pains,
and sufferings that occur in your life.
The one that you can trust with
all the secrets of your life.
A friend is someone who always
finds time to listen to all
the stories you tell and
the one that is always concerned
in everything that you do.
These traits I found in you,
that's why I really trusted you,
and for all of these,
I know nothing to repay you
but to simply be your friend.
And we share the laughter for years
admitting to each other that
we enjoy being with one another.
But lately little changes
are slowly taking place,
I just woke up one morning
that my feelings for you have changed.
To describe it I don't know of a way,
its just that I have this weird feeling
that I always want to see your cute face,
to hear your sweet voice,
and feel your gentle touch.
And when it's already my chance to see you,
my knees began trembling,
my heart pounding faster than ever,
my mind began to mix up.
No words to say, no stories to tell, nothing.
But I managed to keep my feelings hidden.
I wanted that moment to last forever
but unfortunately, the day is about to end,
and nothing can we do about it,
so we just bid goodbye to each other,
and hope to see one another sooner.
On the next day, I see you
wearing a blue cold face.
I asked, "what's wrong"
while cheering you with all my might,
but inside I too was dying.
You told me it's because of
a guy you like most but despite
the things you have done for him,
he just can't learn how to love you.
My tears started to stream down my cheeks.
You thought I understand you
and that's what causes me to cry.
but, you don't understand,
I wanted this to tell you,
"I was crying because like you,
I really felt something special
for someone and that's you,
but whatever I do, you just can't feel
that I love you too! And now you're telling me
you're in love with somebody! What about me?
What about my feelings for you��
These words I don't have the guts to tell,
so I just chose to be quiet and it's
all a secret for me to keep.
I spent that night crying endlessly.
I can feel that boundless woe
blanketing my lonely soul.
what shall I do now?��
Will I let you know about
my feelings for you?��
These question rolled out of my mind.
But after that, I remembered that
I valued our friendship too much
that I can't stand to loose it
just because of this stupid feeling
they called LOVE. That was my first decision,
but I realized that I couldn't
be your friend without thinking
about my feelings for you.
What will happen to me now?
Now that I can't hide my feelings anymore?
Now I know what to do�色��
I sadly whispered to myself.
I know it will take a long time
for me to do this but I know it't a must.
Many hours passed and I spent it all crying,
for I promised to myself that,
that will be the last time
that I will cry just because of you.
However I was wrong in this.
The next day I met you,
I know I have practiced every word
that I shall tell you.
But I just stop myself from crying
the moment I saw you drawing near.
But I wipe it all dry for
I have a very important message for you.
But before I have the chance
to tell you these words,
you greeted me with a cheerful smile
and a warm hug Ignoring this I told you,
Once again my tears began to fall
because of the deep pain that
I'm hiding inside but I know I must continue.
"Farewell my friend.
For I am not worthy to be your friend.
For a long time, I have betrayed our friendship." I said.
"Betrayed? I can't remember any time
that you betrayed our friendship!" You said.
But in your face I can see
that you're so confused.
I must finish I know for this is
the only way to forget your love,
this is my heart instructing me
for it too was hurt. I took a deep breath
and said, "you don't understand.
I have betrayed it.
I have promised that we will
be friends forever but suddenly
I felt that you already had
a special place in my heart.
I'm sorry. And now I'm leaving
with all our happy and sad memories.
But before I go, I want you to know
that I LOVE YOU MY DEAR FRIEND."
After this, I run with all my might
even though I heard you shout, "wait!"
I can't stand any single moment
that I can hear your sweet
and gentle voice because
underneath that is the fact
that you could never be mine"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
i found this story while i was surfing..
kinda sweet and bitter tho..
isnt love this way, Painful yet
people will still want to try..
love is always ruled by
the heart and not the mind..
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A friend is someone who cares about you.
The one that you can count on
in times of troubles, pains,
and sufferings that occur in your life.
The one that you can trust with
all the secrets of your life.
A friend is someone who always
finds time to listen to all
the stories you tell and
the one that is always concerned
in everything that you do.
These traits I found in you,
that's why I really trusted you,
and for all of these,
I know nothing to repay you
but to simply be your friend.
And we share the laughter for years
admitting to each other that
we enjoy being with one another.
But lately little changes
are slowly taking place,
I just woke up one morning
that my feelings for you have changed.
To describe it I don't know of a way,
its just that I have this weird feeling
that I always want to see your cute face,
to hear your sweet voice,
and feel your gentle touch.
And when it's already my chance to see you,
my knees began trembling,
my heart pounding faster than ever,
my mind began to mix up.
No words to say, no stories to tell, nothing.
But I managed to keep my feelings hidden.
I wanted that moment to last forever
but unfortunately, the day is about to end,
and nothing can we do about it,
so we just bid goodbye to each other,
and hope to see one another sooner.
On the next day, I see you
wearing a blue cold face.
I asked, "what's wrong"
while cheering you with all my might,
but inside I too was dying.
You told me it's because of
a guy you like most but despite
the things you have done for him,
he just can't learn how to love you.
My tears started to stream down my cheeks.
You thought I understand you
and that's what causes me to cry.
but, you don't understand,
I wanted this to tell you,
"I was crying because like you,
I really felt something special
for someone and that's you,
but whatever I do, you just can't feel
that I love you too! And now you're telling me
you're in love with somebody! What about me?
What about my feelings for you��
These words I don't have the guts to tell,
so I just chose to be quiet and it's
all a secret for me to keep.
I spent that night crying endlessly.
I can feel that boundless woe
blanketing my lonely soul.
what shall I do now?��
Will I let you know about
my feelings for you?��
These question rolled out of my mind.
But after that, I remembered that
I valued our friendship too much
that I can't stand to loose it
just because of this stupid feeling
they called LOVE. That was my first decision,
but I realized that I couldn't
be your friend without thinking
about my feelings for you.
What will happen to me now?
Now that I can't hide my feelings anymore?
Now I know what to do�色��
I sadly whispered to myself.
I know it will take a long time
for me to do this but I know it't a must.
Many hours passed and I spent it all crying,
for I promised to myself that,
that will be the last time
that I will cry just because of you.
However I was wrong in this.
The next day I met you,
I know I have practiced every word
that I shall tell you.
But I just stop myself from crying
the moment I saw you drawing near.
But I wipe it all dry for
I have a very important message for you.
But before I have the chance
to tell you these words,
you greeted me with a cheerful smile
and a warm hug Ignoring this I told you,
Once again my tears began to fall
because of the deep pain that
I'm hiding inside but I know I must continue.
"Farewell my friend.
For I am not worthy to be your friend.
For a long time, I have betrayed our friendship." I said.
"Betrayed? I can't remember any time
that you betrayed our friendship!" You said.
But in your face I can see
that you're so confused.
I must finish I know for this is
the only way to forget your love,
this is my heart instructing me
for it too was hurt. I took a deep breath
and said, "you don't understand.
I have betrayed it.
I have promised that we will
be friends forever but suddenly
I felt that you already had
a special place in my heart.
I'm sorry. And now I'm leaving
with all our happy and sad memories.
But before I go, I want you to know
that I LOVE YOU MY DEAR FRIEND."
After this, I run with all my might
even though I heard you shout, "wait!"
I can't stand any single moment
that I can hear your sweet
and gentle voice because
underneath that is the fact
that you could never be mine"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
i found this story while i was surfing..
kinda sweet and bitter tho..
isnt love this way, Painful yet
people will still want to try..
love is always ruled by
the heart and not the mind..
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A friend is someone who cares about you.
The one that you can count on
in times of troubles, pains,
and sufferings that occur in your life.
The one that you can trust with
all the secrets of your life.
A friend is someone who always
finds time to listen to all
the stories you tell and
the one that is always concerned
in everything that you do.
These traits I found in you,
that's why I really trusted you,
and for all of these,
I know nothing to repay you
but to simply be your friend.
And we share the laughter for years
admitting to each other that
we enjoy being with one another.
But lately little changes
are slowly taking place,
I just woke up one morning
that my feelings for you have changed.
To describe it I don't know of a way,
its just that I have this weird feeling
that I always want to see your cute face,
to hear your sweet voice,
and feel your gentle touch.
And when it's already my chance to see you,
my knees began trembling,
my heart pounding faster than ever,
my mind began to mix up.
No words to say, no stories to tell, nothing.
But I managed to keep my feelings hidden.
I wanted that moment to last forever
but unfortunately, the day is about to end,
and nothing can we do about it,
so we just bid goodbye to each other,
and hope to see one another sooner.
On the next day, I see you
wearing a blue cold face.
I asked, "what's wrong"
while cheering you with all my might,
but inside I too was dying.
You told me it's because of
a guy you like most but despite
the things you have done for him,
he just can't learn how to love you.
My tears started to stream down my cheeks.
You thought I understand you
and that's what causes me to cry.
but, you don't understand,
I wanted this to tell you,
"I was crying because like you,
I really felt something special
for someone and that's you,
but whatever I do, you just can't feel
that I love you too! And now you're telling me
you're in love with somebody! What about me?
What about my feelings for you��
These words I don't have the guts to tell,
so I just chose to be quiet and it's
all a secret for me to keep.
I spent that night crying endlessly.
I can feel that boundless woe
blanketing my lonely soul.
what shall I do now?��
Will I let you know about
my feelings for you?��
These question rolled out of my mind.
But after that, I remembered that
I valued our friendship too much
that I can't stand to loose it
just because of this stupid feeling
they called LOVE. That was my first decision,
but I realized that I couldn't
be your friend without thinking
about my feelings for you.
What will happen to me now?
Now that I can't hide my feelings anymore?
Now I know what to do�色��
I sadly whispered to myself.
I know it will take a long time
for me to do this but I know it't a must.
Many hours passed and I spent it all crying,
for I promised to myself that,
that will be the last time
that I will cry just because of you.
However I was wrong in this.
The next day I met you,
I know I have practiced every word
that I shall tell you.
But I just stop myself from crying
the moment I saw you drawing near.
But I wipe it all dry for
I have a very important message for you.
But before I have the chance
to tell you these words,
you greeted me with a cheerful smile
and a warm hug Ignoring this I told you,
Once again my tears began to fall
because of the deep pain that
I'm hiding inside but I know I must continue.
"Farewell my friend.
For I am not worthy to be your friend.
For a long time, I have betrayed our friendship." I said.
"Betrayed? I can't remember any time
that you betrayed our friendship!" You said.
But in your face I can see
that you're so confused.
I must finish I know for this is
the only way to forget your love,
this is my heart instructing me
for it too was hurt. I took a deep breath
and said, "you don't understand.
I have betrayed it.
I have promised that we will
be friends forever but suddenly
I felt that you already had
a special place in my heart.
I'm sorry. And now I'm leaving
with all our happy and sad memories.
But before I go, I want you to know
that I LOVE YOU MY DEAR FRIEND."
After this, I run with all my might
even though I heard you shout, "wait!"
I can't stand any single moment
that I can hear your sweet
and gentle voice because
underneath that is the fact
that you could never be mine"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
i found this story while i was surfing..
kinda sweet and bitter tho..
isnt love this way, Painful yet
people will still want to try..
love is always ruled by
the heart and not the mind..
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~