A friend had passed on this article on an email. It was interesting so thought of putting it up on my blog...I have no idea who's article it is but never the less ..Good piece of work
Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed…….
Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished………
When a man does not feel needed in a relationship he feels less energized and with each passing day he has to give less in a relationship. If he feels trusted to do his best to fulfill her needs and appreciated for his efforts, he is empowered and has more to give. Whilst a woman does not feel cherished in a relationship she gradually becomes compulsively responsible and exhausted from giving too much. If she feels cared for and respected, she is fulfilled and has more to give as well.
Love motivates……..
When a man is in love he is motivated to be the best he can be in order to serve others. He feels confident and capable and expresses his best self. He begins to care about others as much as himself. He experiences his partner’s fulfillment as his own. Most men are not only hungry to give love but are starving for it. They do not know what they are missing. When his relationship fails he finds himself depressed and stuck in his cave. He stops caring. When a man doesn’t feel he is making a positive difference in someone’s life, it is hard for him to continue caring about his life and relationships. He needs to feel appreciated, trusted and accepted. Not to be needed is a slow death for a man.
A woman is happy when she feels loved and cherished and believes that her needs will be met. It is important to a woman to feel supported by someone who cares. When she is upset, overwhelmed, confused, exhausted or hopeless, what she needs the most is companionship. Empathy, understanding and compassion go a long way to assist her in becoming more receptive and appreciative of his support. Men don’t realize this because their instincts tell them its best to be alone when they are upset. So out of respect he will leave her alone or make matters worse by trying to solve her problems. All she needs is someone to listen and be relaxed.
Blaming…...
When a woman realizes she has been giving too much, she tends to blame her partner for their unhappiness. She feels the injustice of giving more than she has received. When a woman gives too much she should not blame her partner. Similarly, a man who gives less should not blame his partner for being negative or unreceptive of him. In both cases, blaming does not work. Understanding, trust, compassion, acceptance, and support are the solutions, not blaming our partners. When this situation occurs, instead of blaming his female partner for being resentful, a man can be compassionate and offer his support even if she doesn’t ask for it, listen to her even if at first it sounds like blame, and help her to trust and open up to him by doing little things for her to show that he cares. Woman need to share upset feelings with the ones they love. And at the same time she should stop in between and tell him how much she appreciates him for listening.
And instead of blaming a man for giving less, a woman can accept and forgive her partner’s imperfections, especially when he disappoints her, trust that he wants to give more when he doesn’t offer his best. A woman should be sensitive to her listener when she understands his tendency to start feeling like a failure when he hears a lot of problems.
Talking…….
One of the big challenges for men is correctly to interpret and support a woman when she is talking about her feelings. The biggest challenge for a woman is correctly interpret and support a man when he isn’t talking. Silence is most easily misinterpreted by woman. Quite often a man will suddenly stop communicating and become silent. A woman may think that he doesn’t hear what’s being said and that is why he is not responding.
Men and woman think and process information differently. Women think loud, sharing their process of inner discovery with an interested listener. This is perfectly normal and necessary sometimes.
But men process information very differently. Before they talk or respond, they silently think about what they have heard or experienced. They first formulate it inside and then express it. This may take from minutes to hours. To make it more confusing for a woman, if he does not have enough information to process an answer, a man may not respond at all. Women need to understand that when he is silent, he is saying, I don’t know what to say yet, but I am thinking about it. Instead what they hear is, I am not responding to you because I don’t care about you and I am going to ignore you. What you have said to me is not important and therefore I am not responding. She might feel rejected and unloved.
When a woman is silent, it is when what she had to say would be hurtful or when she didn’t want to talk to a person because she didn’t trust him anymore and wanted to have nothing to do with him.
Understanding……..
Women have to learn a lot about men before their relationships can be fulfilling. They need to learn that when a man is upset or stressed he will automatically stop talking and go to his ‘cave’ to work things out. No one is allowed in that cave, not even the man’s best friends. Women should not become scared that they have done something wrong. Just let the man go into his cave and when they come out, everything will be fine.
For a woman it’s different because one of the rules is to never abandon a friend when she is upset. Hence she is concerned about her man and cares for him – wants to come to his cave and offer him help. She may also ask a lot of questions and be a good listener too so that he feels better. But this upsets him even more. Her intentions are good as she wants to support him in the way that she would want to be supported. It’s important to understand to not to get a man to talk until he is ready. Not to be taken personally as it would happen from time to time and it does not mean that he doesn’t love her. But it’s equally important for a man to give some reassurance to his woman that he would be back soon and he still loves and cares for her. This is what a woman needs to hear from time to time.
Listening………
As a man learns to listen and interpret a woman’s feelings correctly, communication becomes easier. At times a man is too stressed or sensitive to translate the intended meaning of her phrases. Instead kindly say that it’s not a good time to talk but then do talk later. Both men and women need to stop offering their method of caring and start to learn different ways their partners think, feel and react.
Lost in waves……..
A woman is like a wave – when she feels loved her self-esteem rises and falls in a wave motion. When feeling really good, she will reach a peak, but then suddenly her mood may change and her wave crashes down. This crash is temporary and again she will feel good about herself. When a wave rises she feels she has an abundance of love to give, but when it falls she feels her inner emptiness and needs to be filled up with love. If she has suppressed any negative feelings or denied herself in order to be more loving on the upswing of her wave, then on the downswing she begins to experience these negative feelings and unfulfilled needs. During this down time she especially needs to talk about problems and be heard and understood. A woman’s ability to give and receive love in her relationships is generally a reflection of how she is feeling about herself. When she is not feeling as good about herself, she is unable to be as accepting and appreciative of her partner. At her down times, she tends to be overwhelmed or more emotionally reactive. When her wave hits bottom she is more vulnerable and needs more loved. It is crucial that her partner understands what she needs at these times, otherwise he make unreasonable demands.
When a man loves a woman she begins to shine with love and fulfillment, which most men think that this shine will last forever and expect her loving nature to be constant. It’s like weather which keeps changing, likewise, in a relationship, men and women have their won rhythms and cycles. Men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others.
A man assumes that her sudden change of mood is based solely on his behavior. When she is happy he takes credit, but when sad he also feels responsible. He may feel frustrated because he doesn’t know how to make things better. The last thing a woman needs when she is on her way down is someone telling her why she shouldn’t be down. What she needs is someone to be with her as she goes down, to listen to her while she shares her feelings, and to empathize with what she is going through. Even if a man can’t fully understand why a woman feels overwhelmed, he can offer his love, attention and support.
Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset. Men want space while women want understanding. By supporting her need to be heard she could support his need to be free.
Art of listening…….
Women too need to learn the art of empowerment. Many women try to help their man by improving him but unknowingly weaken or hurt him. Any attempt to change him takes away the loving trust, acceptance, appreciation, etc. The secret of empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him. Certainly you may want him to change – just don’t act on that desire. Only if he directly and specifically asks for advice is that he is open to assistance in changing. The best way to help a man grow is to let go of trying to change him in any way.
Scoring……..
When a woman keeps score, no matter how big or small a gift of love is, it scores one point, and each gift has equal value. A woman has the ability to heal a man of his addiction to success by appreciating the little things he does. And when he feels unappreciated, he stops giving support. If a man ahs made a mistake and feels embarrassed, sorry, or ashamed, then he needs her love more. The bigger the mistake, the more points he gives. When in a negative state, treat him like a passing tornado and lie low.
It’s always better to share your feelings with one another and get over it. You can share the feelings by writing too. Be true to yourself and to the one you love or cherish and pour out everything carefully and let the other know how much you both mean to each other and how much special is their significance is in your life.
Woman need to receive ............................Men need to receive
1. Caring ....................................................Trust
2. Understanding .........................................Acceptance
3. Respect ................................................Appreciation
4. Devotion ..................................................Admiration
5. Validation...............................................Approval
6. Reassurance ..........................................Encouragement
Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed…….
Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished………
When a man does not feel needed in a relationship he feels less energized and with each passing day he has to give less in a relationship. If he feels trusted to do his best to fulfill her needs and appreciated for his efforts, he is empowered and has more to give. Whilst a woman does not feel cherished in a relationship she gradually becomes compulsively responsible and exhausted from giving too much. If she feels cared for and respected, she is fulfilled and has more to give as well.
Love motivates……..
When a man is in love he is motivated to be the best he can be in order to serve others. He feels confident and capable and expresses his best self. He begins to care about others as much as himself. He experiences his partner’s fulfillment as his own. Most men are not only hungry to give love but are starving for it. They do not know what they are missing. When his relationship fails he finds himself depressed and stuck in his cave. He stops caring. When a man doesn’t feel he is making a positive difference in someone’s life, it is hard for him to continue caring about his life and relationships. He needs to feel appreciated, trusted and accepted. Not to be needed is a slow death for a man.
A woman is happy when she feels loved and cherished and believes that her needs will be met. It is important to a woman to feel supported by someone who cares. When she is upset, overwhelmed, confused, exhausted or hopeless, what she needs the most is companionship. Empathy, understanding and compassion go a long way to assist her in becoming more receptive and appreciative of his support. Men don’t realize this because their instincts tell them its best to be alone when they are upset. So out of respect he will leave her alone or make matters worse by trying to solve her problems. All she needs is someone to listen and be relaxed.
Blaming…...
When a woman realizes she has been giving too much, she tends to blame her partner for their unhappiness. She feels the injustice of giving more than she has received. When a woman gives too much she should not blame her partner. Similarly, a man who gives less should not blame his partner for being negative or unreceptive of him. In both cases, blaming does not work. Understanding, trust, compassion, acceptance, and support are the solutions, not blaming our partners. When this situation occurs, instead of blaming his female partner for being resentful, a man can be compassionate and offer his support even if she doesn’t ask for it, listen to her even if at first it sounds like blame, and help her to trust and open up to him by doing little things for her to show that he cares. Woman need to share upset feelings with the ones they love. And at the same time she should stop in between and tell him how much she appreciates him for listening.
And instead of blaming a man for giving less, a woman can accept and forgive her partner’s imperfections, especially when he disappoints her, trust that he wants to give more when he doesn’t offer his best. A woman should be sensitive to her listener when she understands his tendency to start feeling like a failure when he hears a lot of problems.
Talking…….
One of the big challenges for men is correctly to interpret and support a woman when she is talking about her feelings. The biggest challenge for a woman is correctly interpret and support a man when he isn’t talking. Silence is most easily misinterpreted by woman. Quite often a man will suddenly stop communicating and become silent. A woman may think that he doesn’t hear what’s being said and that is why he is not responding.
Men and woman think and process information differently. Women think loud, sharing their process of inner discovery with an interested listener. This is perfectly normal and necessary sometimes.
But men process information very differently. Before they talk or respond, they silently think about what they have heard or experienced. They first formulate it inside and then express it. This may take from minutes to hours. To make it more confusing for a woman, if he does not have enough information to process an answer, a man may not respond at all. Women need to understand that when he is silent, he is saying, I don’t know what to say yet, but I am thinking about it. Instead what they hear is, I am not responding to you because I don’t care about you and I am going to ignore you. What you have said to me is not important and therefore I am not responding. She might feel rejected and unloved.
When a woman is silent, it is when what she had to say would be hurtful or when she didn’t want to talk to a person because she didn’t trust him anymore and wanted to have nothing to do with him.
Understanding……..
Women have to learn a lot about men before their relationships can be fulfilling. They need to learn that when a man is upset or stressed he will automatically stop talking and go to his ‘cave’ to work things out. No one is allowed in that cave, not even the man’s best friends. Women should not become scared that they have done something wrong. Just let the man go into his cave and when they come out, everything will be fine.
For a woman it’s different because one of the rules is to never abandon a friend when she is upset. Hence she is concerned about her man and cares for him – wants to come to his cave and offer him help. She may also ask a lot of questions and be a good listener too so that he feels better. But this upsets him even more. Her intentions are good as she wants to support him in the way that she would want to be supported. It’s important to understand to not to get a man to talk until he is ready. Not to be taken personally as it would happen from time to time and it does not mean that he doesn’t love her. But it’s equally important for a man to give some reassurance to his woman that he would be back soon and he still loves and cares for her. This is what a woman needs to hear from time to time.
Listening………
As a man learns to listen and interpret a woman’s feelings correctly, communication becomes easier. At times a man is too stressed or sensitive to translate the intended meaning of her phrases. Instead kindly say that it’s not a good time to talk but then do talk later. Both men and women need to stop offering their method of caring and start to learn different ways their partners think, feel and react.
Lost in waves……..
A woman is like a wave – when she feels loved her self-esteem rises and falls in a wave motion. When feeling really good, she will reach a peak, but then suddenly her mood may change and her wave crashes down. This crash is temporary and again she will feel good about herself. When a wave rises she feels she has an abundance of love to give, but when it falls she feels her inner emptiness and needs to be filled up with love. If she has suppressed any negative feelings or denied herself in order to be more loving on the upswing of her wave, then on the downswing she begins to experience these negative feelings and unfulfilled needs. During this down time she especially needs to talk about problems and be heard and understood. A woman’s ability to give and receive love in her relationships is generally a reflection of how she is feeling about herself. When she is not feeling as good about herself, she is unable to be as accepting and appreciative of her partner. At her down times, she tends to be overwhelmed or more emotionally reactive. When her wave hits bottom she is more vulnerable and needs more loved. It is crucial that her partner understands what she needs at these times, otherwise he make unreasonable demands.
When a man loves a woman she begins to shine with love and fulfillment, which most men think that this shine will last forever and expect her loving nature to be constant. It’s like weather which keeps changing, likewise, in a relationship, men and women have their won rhythms and cycles. Men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others.
A man assumes that her sudden change of mood is based solely on his behavior. When she is happy he takes credit, but when sad he also feels responsible. He may feel frustrated because he doesn’t know how to make things better. The last thing a woman needs when she is on her way down is someone telling her why she shouldn’t be down. What she needs is someone to be with her as she goes down, to listen to her while she shares her feelings, and to empathize with what she is going through. Even if a man can’t fully understand why a woman feels overwhelmed, he can offer his love, attention and support.
Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset. Men want space while women want understanding. By supporting her need to be heard she could support his need to be free.
Art of listening…….
Women too need to learn the art of empowerment. Many women try to help their man by improving him but unknowingly weaken or hurt him. Any attempt to change him takes away the loving trust, acceptance, appreciation, etc. The secret of empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him. Certainly you may want him to change – just don’t act on that desire. Only if he directly and specifically asks for advice is that he is open to assistance in changing. The best way to help a man grow is to let go of trying to change him in any way.
Scoring……..
When a woman keeps score, no matter how big or small a gift of love is, it scores one point, and each gift has equal value. A woman has the ability to heal a man of his addiction to success by appreciating the little things he does. And when he feels unappreciated, he stops giving support. If a man ahs made a mistake and feels embarrassed, sorry, or ashamed, then he needs her love more. The bigger the mistake, the more points he gives. When in a negative state, treat him like a passing tornado and lie low.
It’s always better to share your feelings with one another and get over it. You can share the feelings by writing too. Be true to yourself and to the one you love or cherish and pour out everything carefully and let the other know how much you both mean to each other and how much special is their significance is in your life.
Woman need to receive ............................Men need to receive
1. Caring ....................................................Trust
2. Understanding .........................................Acceptance
3. Respect ................................................Appreciation
4. Devotion ..................................................Admiration
5. Validation...............................................Approval
6. Reassurance ..........................................Encouragement
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