Breaking News

I Have Breaking News To Tell You All,
Helen and I Are Officially Engaged
We Are Planning On Being Married Next Halloween,
And Moving Out This Coming Feb.
Everyone Wish Us Luck,
I Am Officially The Happiest Man On Earth :),
Helen When You Read This I Love You So Much

Ok New Site

So As Many Of You May Have Noticed, My Old Site Has Went Bye Bye In The Past Few Days... And If You Are Wondering Why, It Has Something To Do With A Virus I Got And I Had To Reinstall Windows And Such, And I Lost All The Pages And Stuff, And Was Too Lazy To Try And Recreate Them, So I Deleted The Acount I Had And Created Something New And Differant.... Check It Out At xxkingdom-heartsxx. Anyways, A Little Update On Me And Helen... Things Are Going Great, And I Must Say I Am Happier Now Than I Have Been In The Past Few Years. Not Sure Why, But Never-the-less I Am. When I Think About Me And Her... "The Future Is So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades" :) Was That Corny... OWell.... Well That Is It For Now, I Don't Feel Real Good And Said I Was Going To Bed About 2 Hours Ago, But Here I Am Working On A New Web Page... But Now I Am Really Going To Go To Bed, So Goodnight Everyone

More About Me

So... Here is some more about me, I would like you all to copy it and fill this and the previose post out for yourself and send it to me :)

(x) smoked a cigarette
(x) smoked a cigar
( ) made out with a member of the same sex
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) stolen
( ) been fired
(x) been in a fight
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
(x) skipped school
( ) slept with a coworker
(x) seen someone die
(x) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire
( ) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
( ) been hxc dancing at a show (hxc? I have no idea what that means!)
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
( ) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
( ) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
(x) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake
(x) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) pet a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
(x) run a red light
( ) been suspended from school
(x) been in a car accident
( ) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
(x) eaten a wholepint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
( ) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
( ) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
( ) played cops and robbers
( ) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
( ) sung karaoke
(x) paid for something with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
( ) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire
( ) crashed a party
(x) gone roller-skating (i failed miserably)
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey
( ) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) screamed penis in class
(x) ate dog/cat food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
( ) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
( ) have a little black dress
(x) had a dream that you married someone
( ) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) kissed a fish
( ) worn the opposite sexes clothes
( ) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didn't take a shower for a week
(x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
( ) climbed a tree
(x) had a tree house
( ) are too scared to watch scary movies alone
(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( ) gone streaking
( ) played ding-dong-ditch
(x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
( ) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
(x) caught a fish then ate it
( ) made porn
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
( ) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
( ) have a Britney Spears CD
(x) forgotten someone's name
( ) slept naked
( ) French braided someone's hair
( ) gone skinny dippin in a pool
( ) been kicked out of your house
( ) ridden a horse bareback
( ) eaten a lobster you caught yourself
( ) killed another human being
( ) I am bisexual or homosexual.
(x) I've consumed alcohol
(x) I have lied to my parents about where I am.
(x) I don't like Bush because from what I hear, he is dumb.
(x) I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
( ) I am for Bush.
( ) I listen to political music.
( ) I collect comic books.
(x) I shut others out when I'm depressed.
(x) I open up to others easily.
(x) I am keeping a secret from the world
(x) I watch the news.
( ) I own over 5 rap CDs.
( ) I own an iPod or MP3
(x) I own something from Hot Topic
(x) I love Disney Movies.
(x) I am a sucker for hair/eyes
( ) I don't kill bugs.
(x) I curse regularly.
(x) I paid for that cell phone ring.
( ) I am a sports fanatic.
( ) I have "x"s in my screen name.
( ) I've slipped out an "lol" in a real conversation.
( ) I love Spam.
( ) I cook well.
( ) I would wear pajamas to school.
( ) I own something from Abercrombie.
(x) I have a job.
( ) I love Martha Stewart.
(x) I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS
(x) I am self conscious.
(x) I like to laugh.
(x) I smoke a pack a day.
( ) I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower.
( ) I loved Go Ask Alice.
(x) I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
( ) I can't swallow pills.
(x) I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
(x) I eat fast food weekly.
(x) I have many scars.
( ) I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
(x) I am really ticklish.
( ) I love white chocolate.(no but I love dark chocolate)
(x) I bite my nails.
( ) I am comfortable with being me.
(x) I play video games.
( ) I'm single
(x) I'm in a relationship
(x) I've gotten lost in my own city.
(x) I've seen a shooting star
(x) Been to any other countries besides the united states
( ) I Had a serious Surgery
( ) Gone out in public in your pajamas
( ) I have Kissed a Stranger
(x) Hugged a stranger
(x) Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
( ) Made out in an elevator
(x) Swore at your parents
(x) Kicked a guy where it hurts
(x) Been to a casino
( ) Been skydiving
(x) Skipped school
( ) Saw a therapist
( ) Done the splits
( ) Played spin the bottle
(x) Gotten stitches
(x) Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
( ) Bitten someone
(x) Been to Niagara Falls
( ) Gotten the chicken pox
( ) Crashed into a friend's car
( ) Been to Japan
(x) Ridden in a taxi
(x) Shoplifted
( ) Stole something from your job
(x) Lied to a friend
( ) Celebrated mardigras in New Orleans
( ) Been to Europe
( ) Been married
( ) Gotten divorced
( ) Had children
( ) Been to Africa
(x) Driven over 400 miles in one day
(x) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
( ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar
( ) Had a one-night stand
( ) Been snowboarding
( ) Been Skiing
( ) Met someone in person from the internet
( ) Gone to college
( ) Graduated college
( ) Done hard drugs
(x) Taken painkillers
( ) Given a lapdance
(x) Had someone cheat on you
(x) Miss someone right now

Life is Random...ask questions

Life is Random...ask questions

Ocean or Lake?
Lake

Pizza or Chinese?
Chinese

Mansion or Penthouse?
Mansion

Have you been on a Jet Ski?
nope

Are you afraid of clowns?
sorda, not like others I know
but they do freak me out a little

How many brothers/sisters do you have?
None, I am an only child

Favorite band/group?
got too many too name

Baseball or football?
basketball

Waffles or pancakes?
pancakes

Do you have an IPod?
no but want one

Bike or scooter?
bike

Ever go in a hot air balloon?
No, but a few landed in out back yard when I was a kid

How will/did you celebrate turning 21?
Went to the boat with a friend from work

What brand computer do you have?
E-Machine

How many times have you been to DisneyWorld?
Once when I was little, Don't remeber much about it

Favorite city?
Well Louisville is really the only one
I have been to and remember well
but I don't think it's my favorite

Ice cream or frozen yogurt?
ice cream

Do you think you are fat?
um... yea

Ever throw up in a public place?
yes, but never been seen by anyone
always made it to the bathroom

Do you have a pool?
nope

Ever drive a car?
Yea, Almost everyday since I turned 17

How many times a month do you go to the movies?
some months a few times, and some months never

Last movie you saw?
Bad News Bears

Who is your hero?
umm.. not sure

What deceased person would you like to meet?
Edgar Allen Poe

Do you chew ice?
sometimes

Have you been to California?
nope never ..

Last book you read?
Harry Potter Year 3

Do you like to go fishing?
Nope, I find it to be boring

How many boyfirends/girlfriends have you had?
5 I think, but only 2 were serious

How many of those do you regret?
one

Favorite professional team?
dont have one

Do you floss?
nope..

Do you have braces?
nope

Do you bite your nails?
when I am nervous

What is your last thought before falling asleep?
nowadays... Helen

Do you fall in love easily?
Yea I tend to

Ever have a crush and they never knew?
yep

Do you babysit?
Yea but only my little cousins

Ever been shot at?
hell no!

Do you work out/exercise?
i go for walks.. does that count?

Do you consider yourself nice?
Yea, sometimes too nice

What movie character would you like to be?
.... thats a hard question

Ever been bit by a snake?
never!

Have you been on a boat?
Yep

Name of friend you have known the longest?
Joey

Do you like jumping on a trampoline?
Nope

Ever break a bone?
Nope

Name of favorite Aunt/Uncle?
Ronnie, He is my moms brother
whom is only a year older than me
but I have not seen him much in the past
4 years or so... but he is my favorite

Do you want to walk on the moon?
Hell Yea!! :)

Can you name the seven dwarfs?
haha no..

Favorite TV show?
got too many but
Boy Meets World
Family Guy
And South Park

are among the top

Apples or oranges?
apples

Favorite color?
blue, red, black, and white

Besides family, ever have someone of the opp sex in your bedroom?
yeh

Ever climb out your bedroom window?
yeh a few times

Do you live in an apartment or house?
apartment now

How many times in the last month have you had the hiccups?
cant remember.. not many

Ever laugh so hard milk came out your nose?
lol no

How many cousins do you have?
way too many..

Do you believe in ghosts?
yeh

If you were a bird, what would you be?
um.. a Falcon

Ever get stitches?
Yea, A few times

If you could, would you want to know what your future was going to be?
umm.. some things

How many kids do you want to have?
2 or 4

If you could change your name, what would it be?
Christian

Dogs or cats?
Cats

Who do you tell your problems to?
depends on what the problem is

Who can your tell your secrets to and know they wont tell?
My close friends, and now Helen

Do you believe in love at first sight?
yeh

Do you go to church?
not very often

Would you marry outside your religon?
um... yeh seeing how I'm not sure
what religon I fit into, but even if
I did, I would marry who I love

regardless of the religion

Volleyball or tennis?
tennis

How many people were at your last party?
cant remember, not many
I don't like being around
alot of people all at once

Ever ride in a limo?
no

Ever drink champagne?
no

Favorite dinner?
chinese food

Rascal Flatts - Bless The Broken Road Lyrics

I set out on a narrow way
many years ago hoping I would find
true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true that God blessed
the broken road that led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true that God
blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

Stars by Switchfoot

Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same
I've been thinkin' maybe I've been partly cloudy
Maybe I'm the chance of rain
And maybe I'm overcast and maybe
All my luck's washed down the drain

I've been thinkin' 'bout everyone, everyone you look so lonely
But when I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars
I see someone else
When I look at the stars, the stars
I feel like myself
Stars looking at our planet,
Watching entropy and pain
And maybe startin' to wonder
How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane
I've been thinkin' 'bout the meaning of resistance
Of a hope beyond our own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent
Began to look like home
I've been thinkin' 'bout everyone, everyone you look so empty
But when I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars
I see someone else
When I look at the stars, the stars
I feel like myself

Everyone, everyone you feel so lonely
Everyone, ya everyone you feel so empty
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars
I feel like myself
When I look at the stars, the stars
I see someone

Interesting quote I got off someone's website

"Fighting for peace is like Fucking for virginity...."

Questions and Doubts...

Do you think sometimes its better
not to know things than to know things?

By not knowing, you'll probably be living in a world
where you think everything is going
to turn out fine and dandy and be happy
and comfortable in self-delusion.

On the other hand, by knowing you can plan
the next step and snap out of the self imposed delusion.
The price for that, however, comes hard and fast
and hurts like a knife being twisted into your gut,
leaving a gaping, bleeding wound in your soul...

So, is it better to not know some things
and continue living in a dream,
fostering false hopes for an event
that is probably not going to come your way?

Or is it better to know these things
and hit the ground hard and fast?

A double edged sword is it not?
Either way, you get burnt...

So, which poison do you choose?
The question burns in my mind for now....

I Missed You

You popped into my head
as I sat alone
in my room, smoking.
Watching the trails
of bluish white smoke
trace random patterns
in the air, I missed you.

A quote i found

So I found this quote today on the blog "A Bit Of That", and it pretty much describes how I feel about Helen

"I wish to beleave in immortality - I wish to live with you forever."
John Keats

You Lie

Don't you just love it
when someone thinks
they've outsmarted you
or have lied to your face
and they believe
that you don't know? D
on't you just...
love sitting back,
watching as they
make complete fools
of themselves?

I do.

And no matter how much
I want to confront them,
I give them the pleasure
of making an ass out of themselves.
I save them the embarassment.
No need for them to learn
from their mistake.
Why do them the favor?
Let em' think they're right.
Let em' think they're
getting the best of you.
Let em' think they're smarter.
Dishonesty cuts to the bone-
-and mine are severed.
They think they've gotten
the best of you... but in reality...
they've just lost all trust.

And once you lose trust in someone,
you can never trust them again.


You think I'm stupid. But I know you are.

My Personality Disorder

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	High
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	Very High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

Dante's Inferno Test

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Third Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

About Tonight

So me and Helen went out tonight, and sat at the park for a lil while, which was very cold, but I enjoyed it very much, cause I was with her... and couldn't think of anywhere else I'd rather be.
Then we went to my place of emploment, so I could see what time I work tomorrow, seeing how I've been on vacation.... I couldn't remeber for sure what time I work, cause my schedual is wrote down on a piece of paper, that is in the pocket of my vest, which is in my locker at work.
Then we went for a drive, and talked... then I took her home, and before she went in we sit in the parking lot of her apartment, and talked some more, then I came home, and on the way home, I thought of a quote that I have heard somewhere, and it fit the way I was feeling

"When You Find Someone
You Want To Spend
The Rest Of Your Life With,
You Want The Rest Of Your Life
To Start As Soon As Possible"

So anyways, all in all today was a great day, even though I didn't get to see her as quick as we had planned, cause I overslept, then I had to fix my computer which wouldn't do anything, so I had to reinstall windows, and all my softwart, then had to wait for mom to get home from work so I could have the car, then me and mom went out to eat at TGI Fridays, which has great food, and I got a mudslide, which by the way rocks. So anyways thats how today went, by far the best day of my vacation, which other than today has more or less sucked. Well I guess thats it for today, I am going to put some lyrics on here real quick and head to bed a lil early so I can get up in the morning, and get a few things done before I have to return to hell... I mean work.

"If Your Not The One"
by Daniel Bedingfield
Watch It Here

If you’re not the one then
why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then
why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then
why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would
I have the strength to stand at all

I'll never know whatthe future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one
I share my life with

I don’t want to run away
but I can’t take it,
I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you
then why does my heart
tell me that I am?
Is there any way
that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you
then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you
then why does your name
resound in my head?
If you’re not for me
then why does this
distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me
then why do I dream
of you as my wife?

I don’t know why
you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one
I share my life with
And I wish that you
could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one
I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away
but I can’t take it,
I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you
then why does my heart
tell me that I am
Is there any way
that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you,
body and soul so strong
that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into
my heart and pray for
the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you,
whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away
but I can’t take it,
I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you
then why does my heart
tell me that I am
Is there any way
that I could stay in your arms

worth reading

A friend had passed on this article on an email. It was interesting so thought of putting it up on my blog...I have no idea who's article it is but never the less ..Good piece of work





Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed…….



Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished………



When a man does not feel needed in a relationship he feels less energized and with each passing day he has to give less in a relationship. If he feels trusted to do his best to fulfill her needs and appreciated for his efforts, he is empowered and has more to give. Whilst a woman does not feel cherished in a relationship she gradually becomes compulsively responsible and exhausted from giving too much. If she feels cared for and respected, she is fulfilled and has more to give as well.


Love motivates……..


When a man is in love he is motivated to be the best he can be in order to serve others. He feels confident and capable and expresses his best self. He begins to care about others as much as himself. He experiences his partner’s fulfillment as his own. Most men are not only hungry to give love but are starving for it. They do not know what they are missing. When his relationship fails he finds himself depressed and stuck in his cave. He stops caring. When a man doesn’t feel he is making a positive difference in someone’s life, it is hard for him to continue caring about his life and relationships. He needs to feel appreciated, trusted and accepted. Not to be needed is a slow death for a man.



A woman is happy when she feels loved and cherished and believes that her needs will be met. It is important to a woman to feel supported by someone who cares. When she is upset, overwhelmed, confused, exhausted or hopeless, what she needs the most is companionship. Empathy, understanding and compassion go a long way to assist her in becoming more receptive and appreciative of his support. Men don’t realize this because their instincts tell them its best to be alone when they are upset. So out of respect he will leave her alone or make matters worse by trying to solve her problems. All she needs is someone to listen and be relaxed.






Blaming…...

When a woman realizes she has been giving too much, she tends to blame her partner for their unhappiness. She feels the injustice of giving more than she has received. When a woman gives too much she should not blame her partner. Similarly, a man who gives less should not blame his partner for being negative or unreceptive of him. In both cases, blaming does not work. Understanding, trust, compassion, acceptance, and support are the solutions, not blaming our partners. When this situation occurs, instead of blaming his female partner for being resentful, a man can be compassionate and offer his support even if she doesn’t ask for it, listen to her even if at first it sounds like blame, and help her to trust and open up to him by doing little things for her to show that he cares. Woman need to share upset feelings with the ones they love. And at the same time she should stop in between and tell him how much she appreciates him for listening.

And instead of blaming a man for giving less, a woman can accept and forgive her partner’s imperfections, especially when he disappoints her, trust that he wants to give more when he doesn’t offer his best. A woman should be sensitive to her listener when she understands his tendency to start feeling like a failure when he hears a lot of problems.



Talking…….

One of the big challenges for men is correctly to interpret and support a woman when she is talking about her feelings. The biggest challenge for a woman is correctly interpret and support a man when he isn’t talking. Silence is most easily misinterpreted by woman. Quite often a man will suddenly stop communicating and become silent. A woman may think that he doesn’t hear what’s being said and that is why he is not responding.


Men and woman think and process information differently. Women think loud, sharing their process of inner discovery with an interested listener. This is perfectly normal and necessary sometimes.



But men process information very differently. Before they talk or respond, they silently think about what they have heard or experienced. They first formulate it inside and then express it. This may take from minutes to hours. To make it more confusing for a woman, if he does not have enough information to process an answer, a man may not respond at all. Women need to understand that when he is silent, he is saying, I don’t know what to say yet, but I am thinking about it. Instead what they hear is, I am not responding to you because I don’t care about you and I am going to ignore you. What you have said to me is not important and therefore I am not responding. She might feel rejected and unloved.



When a woman is silent, it is when what she had to say would be hurtful or when she didn’t want to talk to a person because she didn’t trust him anymore and wanted to have nothing to do with him.




Understanding……..

Women have to learn a lot about men before their relationships can be fulfilling. They need to learn that when a man is upset or stressed he will automatically stop talking and go to his ‘cave’ to work things out. No one is allowed in that cave, not even the man’s best friends. Women should not become scared that they have done something wrong. Just let the man go into his cave and when they come out, everything will be fine.


For a woman it’s different because one of the rules is to never abandon a friend when she is upset. Hence she is concerned about her man and cares for him – wants to come to his cave and offer him help. She may also ask a lot of questions and be a good listener too so that he feels better. But this upsets him even more. Her intentions are good as she wants to support him in the way that she would want to be supported. It’s important to understand to not to get a man to talk until he is ready. Not to be taken personally as it would happen from time to time and it does not mean that he doesn’t love her. But it’s equally important for a man to give some reassurance to his woman that he would be back soon and he still loves and cares for her. This is what a woman needs to hear from time to time.



Listening………

As a man learns to listen and interpret a woman’s feelings correctly, communication becomes easier. At times a man is too stressed or sensitive to translate the intended meaning of her phrases. Instead kindly say that it’s not a good time to talk but then do talk later. Both men and women need to stop offering their method of caring and start to learn different ways their partners think, feel and react.




Lost in waves……..


A woman is like a wave – when she feels loved her self-esteem rises and falls in a wave motion. When feeling really good, she will reach a peak, but then suddenly her mood may change and her wave crashes down. This crash is temporary and again she will feel good about herself. When a wave rises she feels she has an abundance of love to give, but when it falls she feels her inner emptiness and needs to be filled up with love. If she has suppressed any negative feelings or denied herself in order to be more loving on the upswing of her wave, then on the downswing she begins to experience these negative feelings and unfulfilled needs. During this down time she especially needs to talk about problems and be heard and understood. A woman’s ability to give and receive love in her relationships is generally a reflection of how she is feeling about herself. When she is not feeling as good about herself, she is unable to be as accepting and appreciative of her partner. At her down times, she tends to be overwhelmed or more emotionally reactive. When her wave hits bottom she is more vulnerable and needs more loved. It is crucial that her partner understands what she needs at these times, otherwise he make unreasonable demands.



When a man loves a woman she begins to shine with love and fulfillment, which most men think that this shine will last forever and expect her loving nature to be constant. It’s like weather which keeps changing, likewise, in a relationship, men and women have their won rhythms and cycles. Men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others.


A man assumes that her sudden change of mood is based solely on his behavior. When she is happy he takes credit, but when sad he also feels responsible. He may feel frustrated because he doesn’t know how to make things better. The last thing a woman needs when she is on her way down is someone telling her why she shouldn’t be down. What she needs is someone to be with her as she goes down, to listen to her while she shares her feelings, and to empathize with what she is going through. Even if a man can’t fully understand why a woman feels overwhelmed, he can offer his love, attention and support.


Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset. Men want space while women want understanding. By supporting her need to be heard she could support his need to be free.



Art of listening…….



Women too need to learn the art of empowerment. Many women try to help their man by improving him but unknowingly weaken or hurt him. Any attempt to change him takes away the loving trust, acceptance, appreciation, etc. The secret of empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him. Certainly you may want him to change – just don’t act on that desire. Only if he directly and specifically asks for advice is that he is open to assistance in changing. The best way to help a man grow is to let go of trying to change him in any way.


Scoring……..

When a woman keeps score, no matter how big or small a gift of love is, it scores one point, and each gift has equal value. A woman has the ability to heal a man of his addiction to success by appreciating the little things he does. And when he feels unappreciated, he stops giving support. If a man ahs made a mistake and feels embarrassed, sorry, or ashamed, then he needs her love more. The bigger the mistake, the more points he gives. When in a negative state, treat him like a passing tornado and lie low.



It’s always better to share your feelings with one another and get over it. You can share the feelings by writing too. Be true to yourself and to the one you love or cherish and pour out everything carefully and let the other know how much you both mean to each other and how much special is their significance is in your life.



Woman need to receive ............................Men need to receive
1. Caring ....................................................Trust
2. Understanding .........................................Acceptance
3. Respect ................................................Appreciation
4. Devotion ..................................................Admiration
5. Validation...............................................Approval
6. Reassurance ..........................................Encouragement

Updates, well sorda

sorry i have not been posting much here the past few days,
I have been busy working on my web page
which I have made more updates too

so be sure to check it out.

I almost have everything done on it,
so I'll be back to more frequant posts here soon

Todays Horoscope

Aries,
There's a great big difference between friends and lovers, but at the moment, someone you're quite fond of from one group is entertaining thoughts of switching over to the other. Ready or not, here they come ....

I revamped and redisigned my site

It is still being worked on...

but let me know what you think

of the design and stuff

Thanks, and Enjoy

On A Day Like Today

On a day like today I looked at you and I saw something in the way
You stared into the sky I saw you were sick and tired of my wrong turns
If you only knew the way I feel I'd really love to tell you
But I could never seem to say the things I needed to
On a day like today no other words would do
I saw you were sick and tired of my wrong turns
If you only knew the way I feel I'd really love to tell you
But I can never find the words to say and I don't know why
I can't find the words to say and I don't know why

Somwhere Only We Know

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me?
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Might As Well

I don't know your face no more
It's just a place, I'm looking for
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well...
I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier, to be apart
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in another town
We might as well...
We might as well be strangers! Be strangers
For all I know of you now.....

I Miss You

Ok so I had a post all typed out...
one that was much better than this
but then my computer went haywire
and I lost it....
So I tryed to retype it...
but it lost it's original emotion
for now I am filled with anger at my computer
STUPID COMPUTER
anyways, here is what I retyped
like I said its not as good as what
was originally typed...
but the deeper meaning is still there
if you take the time to read between the lines

part of "I miss you" by blink 182

We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, I miss you)

Ok, so yea, its getting close to 4am, and I should be in bed… but I am not
I tried to go to sleep, but all I could do was lay there, thinking
Thinking about all the times we shared… those late night talks
You staying late after work, just so I could take you home….
so we could share a few moments together… outside of work.
Then I start to think of all the things that tore us apart…
All the rumors, and the lies…
the people who worked so hard to bring us together
Are the same ones, who worked so hard to tear us apart…
I wonder if they enjoyed watching us fall…
I wonder if there was any truth to any of it….
Or if it was all just a mean game devised by those
Who were jealous of what we had together
I sometimes think about where we might be now
If things didn’t turn out the way they did
I wonder if we would have broken up anyways
Or if we would still be together about to celebrate one year of togetherness
I wonder if you really loved me, and if you still do…
I wonder if we should give this another chance…
Or would it all just end the same…
A lot of time has passed since we last seen each other
Well besides the other day… and the random encounters at walmart
But a lot of time has passed since we talked… I mean really talked
I am sure we have changed… but I wonder if those feelings still remain
I know that they do in my heart, but I don’t know what you feel
I think we need to get together and talk… about all this
To see where we stand… to see if there is anything left of what once was
I guess only time will tell where fate will lead us…
My only hope is that in the end, we will both find the happiness we deserve

defining love..

I remember someone asked me to define love..
what is love anyway? What is being "in love"?
Of course, I gave the usual answer..
Love, romantic love is the kind of love
that you would go the extra mile for that special someone.
The kind of love that makes you complete.
But to be really honest, I'm just clueless when it comes to love
I'm still finding the real definition of love..
I'm still finding my own meaning..

I tried searching the technical meaning of love online
just to shed some light on the subject and I got
a hundreds and thousands of sites as a result,
but they basically say the same thing...


LOVE
A deep, tender, ineffable feeling
of affection and solicitude toward a person,
such as that arising from kinship,
recognition of attractive qualities,
or a sense of underlying oneness.


Love is indeed ineffable..
Yes, you can write poems about it.
You can write songs, movies and novels about it.
You can write a journal or a blog about it,
but that's just the tip of the iceberg.
No matter how much we try
to contain love in a box
in order to define it,
we can't really be able
to truly capture in words
what the heart really feels..
It just isn't enough..
Words are just not enough..

What I know is that
when love exists,
happiness follows.
then trials..
then pain...
then at this point,
it's upon you
who is loving
to either
a.) let it go..
what the heck,
it's not worth it..
or b.) take it as another trial,
fight for it and
take another chance..
I'd rather prefer the latter
and continue to believe
in love regardless
of how much pain you've endured
to search for the right one,
because probably someone out there
may be going through the same thing,
which means you're not alone in this endeavor..
If I may say, this pursuit of happiness in love
may go on in circles, cycling around
and it could get really tiring, I tell you.
But for the name of the oh so almighty love,
we do it anyway..
We go on and on and on
until we find 'the one'..

This leads me to believe
that love, simply put,
is the desire of the heart to belong..
It is the road that leads us home.
It may be long, winding, and tiring,
but when you find the love
that you've searched for all your life,
it may just be worth everything. :)



The Rose

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless, aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, its only seed
It's the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky, and the strong
Just remember, in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies a seed, that with the sun's love
In the spring, becomes the rose..

MELODIES OF LIFE

Lyrics to a song
from Final Fantasy 9

Alone for a while
I've been searching through the dark,
For traces of the love
you left inside my lonely heart,
To weave by picking up the pieces that remain,
Melodies of life - love's lost refrain.

Our paths they did cross,
though I cannot say just why.
We met, we laughed, we held on fast,
and then we said goodbye.
And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told?
Let them ring out loud till they unfold.

In my dearest memories,
I see you reaching out to me.
Though you're gone,
I still believe that you can call out my name.

A voice from the past,
joining yours and mine.
Adding up the layers of harmony.
And so it goes, on and on.
Melodies of life,
To the sky beyond the flying birds - forever and beyond.

In your dearest memories,
do you remember loving me?
Was it fate that brought us close and now leaves me behind?

Father Forgets

A very sensible story about a father
forgetting his son is just a little boy.
Let us give our love fully and
our attention undivided,
after all, they are our children.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


FATHER FORGETS
W. Livingston Larned
condensed as in "Readers Digest"

Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep,
one little paw crumpled under your cheek
and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead.
I have stolen into your room alone.
Just a few minutes ago,
as I sat reading my paper
in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me.
Guiltily I came to your bedside.

There are the things I was thinking, son:
I had been cross to you.
I scolded you as you were dressing
for school because you gave
your face merely a dab with a towel.
I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes.
I called out angrily when you threw
some of your things on the floor.

At breakfast I found fault, too.
You spilled things.
You gulped down your food.
You put your elbows on the table.
You spread butter too thick on your bread.
And as you started off to play
and I made for my train,
you turned and waved a hand
and called, "Goodbye, Daddy!"
and I frowned, and said in reply,
"Hold your shoulders back!"

Then it began all over again
in the late afternoon.
As I came up the road I spied you,
down on your knees, playing marbles.
There were holes in your stockings.
I humiliated you before
your friends by marching you
ahead of me to the house.
Stockings were expensive-
and if you had to buy them you would
be more careful! Imagine that,
son, from a father!

Do you remember, later,
when I was reading in the library, how
you came in timidly, with a sort
of hurt look in your eyes?
When I glanced up over my paper,
impatient at the interruption,
you hesitated at the door.
"What is it you want?" I snapped.

You said nothing, but ran across
in one tempestuous plunge,
and threw your arms around
my neck and kissed me,
and your small arms tightended
with an affection that God had set
blooming in your heart
and which even neglect could not wither.
And then you were gone,
pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards
that my paper slipped from my hands
and a terrible sickening fear came over me.
What has habit been doing to me?
The habit of finding fault,
of reprimanding-this was my reward
to you for being a boy.
It was not that I did not love you;
it was that I expected too much of youth.
I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.

And there was so much that was good and fine and true
in your character. The little heart of you
was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills.
This was shown by your spontaneous
impulse to rush in and kiss me good night.
Nothing else matters tonight, son.
I have come to your bedside in the darkness,
and I have knelt there, ashamed!

It is feeble atonement;
I know you would not understand
these things if I told them to you
during your waking hours.
But tomorrow I will be a real daddy!
I will chum with you,
and suffer when you suffer,
and laugh when you laugh.
I will bite my tongue
when impatient words come.
I will keep saying as if it were a ritual:
"He is nothing but a boy-a little boy!"

I am afraid I have visualized you as a man.
Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled
and weary in your cot, I see that you
are still a baby. Yesterday you were
in your mother's arms,
your head on her shoulder.
I have asked too much, too much.

when in love

ok so i am bored

[x] skipped school
[x]seen someone die
[x]been in love
[x] been dumped
[x] shoplifted
been in a fist fight
snuck out of your parent's house
[xxx] had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
gone on a blind date
[x]been to Canada
been to Mexico
[x] been on a plane
eaten Sushi
been snowboarding
been moshing at a concert
[xxx] taken painkillers
[x]love someone or miss someone right now
[x] laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
made a snow angel
had a tea party
[x] flown a kite
built a sand castle
gone puddle jumping
played dress up
[x] jumped into a pile of leaves
[x] cheated while playing a game
[x] been lonely
[x] fallen asleep at school
[x] watched the sun set
felt an earthquake
touched a snake
[x] slept beneath the stars
[x] been tickled
[x]been robbed
[x] been misunderstood
petted a goat
won a contest
[x] had a parent run a red light
[x] been in a car accident
had braces
[x] felt like an outcast
[xx] eaten a whole box of ice cream in one night
[x] hated the way you look
witnessed a crime
squished barefoot through the mud
[x] been lost
been to the opposite side of the country
[x] swam in the ocean
[x] played cops and robbers
recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
sung karaoke
paid for a meal with only coins
[x] made prank phone calls
laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
[x] caught a snowflake on your tongue
[x] danced in the rain
[x] written a letter to Santa Claus
been kissed under a mistletoe
[x] watched the sun rise
[x] blown bubbles
crashed a party
gone rollerskating/ rollerblading
had a wish come true
worn real pearls
[x]ate dog/cat food
[x] sang in the shower
have a little black dress
had a dream that you married someone
glued your hand to something
got your tongue stuck to a freezer
kissed a fish
sat on a roof top
screamed at the top of your lungs
done a one handed cartwheel
[x]talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
[x] stayed up all night
picked and ate an apple right off the tree
climbed a tree
[x]had a tree house
are scared to watch scary movies alone
[x] believed in ghosts
have more than 30 pairs of shoes
worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
[x] been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
broken a bone
[x] been easily amused
caught a fish then ate it
caught a butterfly
[x] laughed so hard you cried
[x] cried so hard you laughed
[x] cheated on a test
have a Britney Spears CD
[x] forgotten someone's name
French braided someone's hair
[x] been to any other countries besides yours
had serious surgery
gone out in public in your pajamas
kissed a stranger
[x] hugged a stranger
[xxx] had alcohol
[x] pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[x] swore at your parents
kicked a guy where it hurts
gone naked just because
[x]been close to love
[xxxx] been to a casino
skinny dipped
saw a therapist/counsellor
done the splits
played spin the bottle
[x] gotten stitches
[x]drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
bitten someone
gotten the chicken pox
[x]crashed into a friend's car
[x] ridden in a taxi
been fired
[x] lied to a friend
had a crush on a teacher
lost a child
[x] had a crush on someone you shouldn't
own an mp3 player
[x] kissed a girl
kissed a boy
[x]fainted
purposely set a part of yourself on fire
[x] questioned your heart
[x] cried yourself to sleep
[x] done something you told yourself you wouldn't
jumped off a bridge
kissed a mirror
[x] been told you're hot by a complete stranger
danced around in public
[x] failed a test
wagged school
[x]eat until you threw up
[x]made a cake
sung at the top of your lungs to a complete stranger
[x] been to a concert
[x] moved house
[x]have a job
[x] been to a funeral
[x]been to a wedding

THE GREATEST ADVICE

Don't date because
you are desperate.
Don't marry because
you are miserable.
Don't have kids because
you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because
you think you are irresistible.

Don't associate with
people you can't trust.
Don't cheat.
Don't lie.
Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because
you are smarter.
Don't demand because
you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because
you think you are
old enough and know better.

Don't hurt your kids
because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself,
your family,
or your ideals.
Don't stagnate.!

Don't regress.
Don't live in the past.
Time can't bring
anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold
for possibly Mr/Mrs Right.
Don't throw your life away
on absolutely Mr/Mrs Wrong
because your biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won.
Only a price to be paid
for some of life's more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness,
reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts,
care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies,
get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world
for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy,
pursue your passions a
nd be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life.
Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements:
abusive friends,
nasty habits,
and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities
but don't overdose on duty.

Don't live life recklessly
without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip.
Don't postpone it.
Say those words.
Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to,
even at society's scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself.
Don't wait for someone
to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself
to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.

It is true that life
does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid.
Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue ! your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in your God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time,
you are giving them a portion
of your life that you'll never get back.
Your time is your life.
That is why the greatest gift
you can give someone is your time.
Relationships take time and effort,
and the best way to spell love
is T-I-M-E because the
essence of love is not
what we think or do
or provide for others, but how
much we give of ourselves.

sigh

I just read
her blog and now.
I want to shoot myself.

And we hung out today

There is a hidden beauty
in meeting a remnant of your past.
The rough edges are smoothed over.
The ugly bleakness of past trials
and tribulations are sugar coated
by the sepia-tinted glasses of our nostalgia.
Mistakes become jokes.
Tragedies become oddly-shaped
cushions of comfort.
Sore points become touchstones.
This is what it is like to be human.
This is what it is like to be in denial.
Yes, I do not deny seeing her again
brought me some small measure
of comfort and joy within the black gloom
that has enveloped me for a while now.
With the distance between us removed,
the warmth of her laughter and smiles
were all so much easily absorbed.
Appreciated. Believed.
The chit-chat was more animated.
Positive. It was all so light,
as though our words were
being floated upon soft breezes.
The conversation seemed
alive in its own right,
independent of our own
clumsy attempts at communicating.
As always, it didn't end that way.
It always ends in tears.
Everything with me does.

Bohemian pillars of belief.

Idealistic notions, borne of a time
when humanity embraced
the underlying virtues
that were the bedrock
of all that was good
in this world.
Truth.
Freedom.
Beauty.
Love.
*sigh*
Where have you all gone?
Why have you disappeared,
oh pillars that I have believed in
for the better part of 21 years?
Have you deserted me now,
when my faith, my belief
in idealism is at its weakest?

My eyes are almost dry now.
I can feel the streaks
they have left on my cheeks.
Downwards, they went,
burrowing a furrow
through my layered being,
piercing me to my core.
Unbidden. Uninvited.
Coarseness rubbing up
against the gentle fragility
of my weary soul.
They serve a biological function, no doubt.
But I just think it's God's way
of letting you know,
without any shadow of a doubt,
what you are feeling, at that very moment.

I hate them, and love them
at the same time.
I love the fact that they
portray the honest me.
And I hate them for that fact too.
I love them because
they are at times,
my only outlet.
Again, I hate them
for that very same reason.
I embrace my tears,
and shun them.
And that is the fundamental
simplicity of the ideal of Truth.

We look for it, yet
find ourselves afraid to embrace it.
We revel in it, yet feel the pinch
of its consequences.
And have the audacity
to complain about it afterwards.
Truth has always been impactful.
Either in the here and now,
or further down the line.
Be it painful, or otherwise.
The lesson? Simple.
We can never run away
from what is true.
Turn around.
Embrace it.
Deal with it.
It is always better,
than pretending it is not there.
The trials of today
will serve you in better stead for tomorrow.
And you will never outrun pain.
Never.

We mollycoddle ourselves
with the safety nets we put up
for contingencies that may
or may not affect our lives.
Insurance schemes.
Refunds.
Warranties.
God parents.
Wills.
Maps.
Directions.
Handbook Guidelines.
Laws.
All are restrictions.
All are barriers.
Barriers to what?
To freedom.
True freedom.
That in itself is
a dirty lesson
that no moral teacher
will broach with you in school,
or would even leave
a professor of philosophy hesitant.

Freedom, absolute true Freedom,
scares the shit out of humanity.

Imagine yourself alone.
In the middle of a forest.
No mobile phone.
No wallet.
No map.
No directions.
Nothing. Just you.
What are you?
Marooned, obviously.
All alone.
Trapped.
With no rescue forthcoming,
nor any sense of where to even begin.
Yet within this sphere
of your own existence,
you are FREE.
Free to go where ever
your legs can take you,
where ever your mind wants you to.

You are not bound by
your identity card
to stay on that piece of land.
You are not bound by laws
that say you cannot cut down a tree,
and make some space for yourself.
You are not bound by the constraints
that people around you would impose.
You can be as loud as you want,
whenever you want.

You are free, from the hope of rescue.
You are free, from being dependent on other people.
That is what Freedom is.
The freedom, to be yourself.
Doesn't that scare you? To be free,
absolutely, unabashedly, irrefutably free,
is to be alone.

Yoda famously said,
Luminous beings we are.
Not this crude matter.
Souls, as you would call them.
Everything else in life, is artificiality.
Nature, is artificiality.
Thnigs that are not made
by man's hand, are in themselves, artificial.
Constructed, put together, built, grown.
It does not matter. They are artificial.
How so? Because they are made up of other things.
They are not what they originally were.
And anything that has been changed
from what it originally was, is artificial.
Glorious sunsets.
Gigantic mountain ranges.
Sprawling green forests.
Beautiful, are they not?
But they are not true beauty.

Beauty has often been said
to come in many forms.
As the saying fondly goes,
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
But who is the 'beholder' exactly?
Each and every individual?
You? Me? None.
For we are all the same.
Humanity is the 'beholder',
for we all 'see' beauty the same way.
True beauty transcends any boundary.

Any. Boundary.

Be they literary. Physical.
Cultural. Economical. Genetic. Conditioning.
When we see a sunset, and say it is beautiful,
it is not mere colours nor
our lone Star that brings us
to this profound realisation.
It is the soul of what we see.
When you look into the eyes
of someone you love, is she beautiful?
She is, isn't she? And you knew it,
without even needing to see the rest of her.

The word 'beauty', and all its other forms,
have been abused and bloodied in spirit and meaning.
We have come to associate beauty
with what we can tag with our eyes,
with merely what our sight can tell us.
But doesn't true beauty transcend
anything, and everything?
You will know beauty when you see it.
You will know beauty when you feel it.
Touch it. Understand it. And to do that,
must we not embrace the truth of our own lies?
Cut ourselves free of our own inhibitions?
Once you realise that beauty
is so much more than we could
ever hope for it to be,
then you will have taken
your first steps into a world
far removed from
the one you live in now.

A world of love.

Love is neither pain, nor suffering.
Neither is it joy, or happiness.
Love does not entail trust,
nor does it encourage jealousy and suspicion.
Love is not appreciation, nor care.
Neither is it sacrifice, or risk.
It is not anything, nor any single one thing.
All these things, they are
the artificiality of human emotions.
The constructs of human minds.
Grown from our dying need
to use words on everything we have.
The love we are so fond of describing,
and so outward it may seem
in appearance, is a lie.
And we are guilty of
propogating it beyond measure.

Truth.
Freedom.
Beauty.
Love.

I don't understand any of them.
But I believe.

Breakdown of the soul

Life is a dance.
It is the end of year school prom.
It is the first waltz at a wedding reception.
It is the first tenatative steps of a hopeful ourtship.
Footballers dance past defenders.
Tennis players dance across courts.
Daredevils dance between life and death.
Everyone dances. Everyone has a partner.
But it seems that I am dancing along

The friendship we had
started out great.
Don't they always?
The talks.
The kindness.
The love.
There is a wonderous elegance afoot
when the heart makes its choice.
When mind and soul are in rare collusion.
Harmony. Compromise
was always easy to reach.
Forgiveness was always
there to be found.
Happiness was but
a phone call away.
What else could it have been,
other than pure joy?
Other than love?

They rarely, if ever,
end that way.
I have never been fortuntate.
I can never seem to keep friends.
They fade away.
They disappear.
As you are.
Loneliness.
Anger.
Bitterness.
A slow, mad descent into hate.
Obstacles appear where
there once open fields.
Unlocked doors
are sealed shut.
Intimacy gives way to distance.
Aloofness.
Arrogance.

A stubborn, mind-numbing refusal
to be open minded.
To admit... to being wrong.

How could we have survived?
How could we have stayed friends
when we were both participants,
in what was pulling us apart?
Happy times grew few and far between.
The arguments were getting frequent.
Nasty. Heart-breaking.
More and more,
tears were my bedfellows,
sadness my only companion
as I navigated sleepless nights
and lightless days.

I know now now, as I
should have known then,
that it should have stopped.
It should have ended.
But I soldiered on,
enamoured in my belief in love,
strengthened by my faith in humanity.
Yet it all came to nought.
The pure disdain
that became a greeting
wounded my soul deeper
than any mere physical harm.
The contempt for emotion
tore me into pieces.

What more could be done?
I finally let go,
worser for the wear,
Scarred. Forever marked.
An emotional burden I shall carry
for as long as I am unable to deal with it.

Memories are bittersweet.
The sorrowful eloqunce of their subtlety
would be lost on closed hearts
and hardened souls.
It is hard to live like this.
Each day is a struggle,
the vagaries of life presenting
alternating degrees of insurmountability.
When will it all end?
When will the simple pleasure
of enjoying the sun's rays
and the shine of the moon,
become more than excercises
in conquering the demons of the past?
Demons, that threaten to haunt my future?

Life is a dance.
And it seems without you my friend
I have forgotten the steps.

Ranting About Forwards

I am warning ya folks...
I am using BAD language today..
so maybe you wanna do the X
in the corner while you still can.

Hello, my name is William and I suffer
from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion
fucking chain letters sent to me
by people who actually believe that
if you send them on, a poor six year old girl
in Queensland with a breast on her forehead
will be able to raise enough money
to have it removed before her
redneck parents sell her
to a travelling freak show.

And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates
is going to give you, and everyone
to whom you send "his" email, $1000?

How stupid are we?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page
and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model
I just happen to run into the next day!

What a bunch of bullshit.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will
come into my house and murder me in my sleep
for not continuing a chain letter that was started by
St Peter in 5AD and brought to this country
by midget pilgrim stowaways on the Endeavour.

Fuck 'em.

If you're going to forward something,
at least send me something mildly amusing.
I've seen all the "send this to
10 of your closest friends, and this poor,
wretched excuse for a human being
will somehow receive a nickel
from some omniscient being"

I don't fucking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about
what you're actually contributing to
by sending out these forwards.
Chances are, it's our own unpopularity.

The point being? If you get some chain letter
that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless
for the rest of your life, delete it.

If it's funny, send it on.

Don't piss people off by making them
feel guilty about a leper in Botswana
with no teeth who has been tied to the arse
of a dead elephant for 27 years
and whose only salvation is the 5 cents
per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know.
Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear
will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.


Have a nice day.

P.S: Send me 25 bucks and then fuck off.

we can't escape

"Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them."
-- Orison Swett Marden

We can’t escape problems and negativity. Escaping just brings denial and suppression - we continue to carry the problem with us. Ironically, it is our lack of acceptance and resistance to the problem that creates the pain. Resistance builds up an energy wall or block that, if not discharged, gets suppressed into the body. These blocks identify places where we have not enough understanding or love.

For health, we must work through what we seek to avoid. How do we do this? We can love parts of ourselves that we don’t like. We can seek the lessons we are being invited to learn through the problem. We can examine our beliefs and seek to see different perspectives and a bigger picture. As our perspectives grow, more of life makes sense and has meaning.

"The Lord is a good psychologist: he knows the way our minds run. Turmoil can be the Lord's way of tapping us on the shoulder and saying, 'Don't forget me.'"
-- Eknath Easwaran

I've got nothing on my mind: Nothing to remember,
Nothing to forget. And I've got nothing to regret,
But I'm all tied up on the inside,
No one knows quite what I've got;
And I know that on the outside
What I used to be, I'm not anymore.
You know I've heard about people like me,
But I never made the connection.
They walk one road to set them free
And find they've gone the wrong direction.
But there's no need for turning back
`Cause all roads lead to where I stand.
And I believe I'll walk them all
No matter what I may have planned.
Can you remember who I was? Can you still feel it?
Can you find my pain? Can you heal it?
Then lay your hands upon me now
And cast this darkness from my soul.
You alone can light my way.
You alone can make me whole once again.
We've walked both sides of every street
Through all kinds of windy weather.
But that was never our defeat
As long as we could walk together.
So there's no need for turning back
`Cause all roads lead to where we stand.
And I believe we'll walk them all
No matter what we may have planned.
~ Don McLean

.....

Do you really
know me at all?
Would you take
the time to
catch me
if I fall?

you say you understand

you say you understand but you don't...
you weren't the one who was in love

and you aren't the one who still is

what could have been

have you ever made a mistake in your past

that you regret months and years later?

Like breaking up with someone

that you cared for deeply....

All because of rumers at work

that may or may not have been true?

Well I have... and to this day I regret it.
But that is in the past,

and we have both moved on...

but I still wonder what could have been

poem from a friend

Sent to me by a friend

Why is it that people are only beautiful,
While they are hiding behind a mask?
And why is it people want, Only what you lack?
Why do people seek comfort in places so cold?
Lose depression from a deppresant, or so I am told.
Don't they realize they are being fed lies,
And when the morning comes they will have less to survive?
When I look at you, you never look back,
I've come to the conclusion I'm invisible, in fact.
Ihave ripped off my mask, I refuse to fake,
My life and how I feel, at least while I'm awake.
I can't understand why you still caress the shadows,
And hide alone in a dark room without candles.
If I could make just one wish for you,
It would be for yourself to be true.
And while the light flashes red in my face,
Rationality has never been my place.
Rip off your mask and see the light,
Fakeness and torture have never been right.
Stop searching for corners to hide your soul,
And sing a song that only you know.

The Road I've Been Walking

I walked the road alone,
in hopes of finding truth.
Instead I found that the place
I had known so long had changed.
Its appearance frightened me.
When did all this happen?
Had I been missing
from the world that long?
Or had it all merely been
a mirage created
by the eyes of childhood?
Strange sounds surround me,
and I wonder if I should head back.
A bolt of lightning flashes as if in reply.
But the highway ahead calls my name.
Its dark voice almost soothing.
I fear I have been mislead.
Meerly pulled along
by an unseen force
through my destiny.
The flash of light is closer now.
It feels like a storm.
But I can't run home at this point.
For I no longer belong.

Truths, Tears, And Walls

He fears the moments alone,
he fear the moments with others,
he’s scared to let go, yet,
he is scared to hold on.
his choices not usually the best,
his decisions seem so wrong.
he lies to himself to keep his sanity,
he lies to others to keep his safety.
His truths would kill if realized,
his truths would expose too much,
no one can see him cry,
no one can hear his sobs.
His tears so pure and full of emotion,
creep down his cheeks
but he hides behind his smile,
his wall built around his insecurity,
no one is allowed past it,
for they would see the real me....

A dying breed

The gullible are a dying breed.
There are few who walk along the street
and give money to a bum because
they really believe they can’t find work.
More and more of us want
to find things out for ourselves.
We are further down our spiritual paths
than every other generation before us.
Mental takes precedence over physical,
and physical over material.
Capitalism is our enemy
and we are no longer amused
with our politics.
Whether we have come full circle
or have advanced to a place
we’ve never been before,
no one can say for sure.
But we are on the brink
of another revolution.
Marketing,
fashion,
entertainment,
humor,
music,
they have all advanced.
We perplexed the media
and marketers as youth
and continue to be
a difficult group
to target as adults
and prime consumers.
The sarcastic are admired
over the genuinely sweet.
A place where “keeping it real”
means doing everything
you can to appear “cool”
and impressing anyone
becomes harder
and harder all the time.
Our time is one that picks apart
the politics and the famous
rather than adoring them.

I Must Not Fear

I've spent a lot of time
over the past 24 hours
thinking about my past.
I've thought of all the mistakes
I thought I made,
all the wrong turns I'd taken,
how much more fun I could have had,
and what I would do differently.
It all boils down to one thing though;
I would not have done anything differently
even knowing what I know now.
There are things I've left
unsaid for far too long, though.
I've never been forward enough
with my true emotions and thoughts.
I've always existed in front of a great facade.
I've never been allowed to fully pursue
any of the things I truly love;
I've never allowed myself to, that is.
I've never been willing to deal
with the ramifications of publicizing
my more eccentric interests
or in telling people the real truth
about why I often act the way I do.
I never tell anyone that
I'm a scared little boy
that never learned to stop
hiding under the covers.
I never learned to stop running away.

Fear consumes me, on a regular basis.
My mental health has gone into
a steady downhill spiral
over the last few years.
as it's hard for me to even
figure out who I am anymore.
The relationships I have
with my friends are falling apart.
Several of them I fear
are on the end of an
indefinite termination.
Once more, I fear that they are.
I'm afraid, that's all I am.
I'm afraid to face the truth
of passion that I see in certain places;
I'm afraid of pointing out
what I am afraid of.

When I was in fourth grade,
I gave up fear for Lent.
That sounds absolutely ridiculous,
but for some reason at the point
in my life I had the will power to pull it off.
I actually learned to stop being afraid of *anything*.
Mind you that affect has drastically worn off
and my self-discipline is essentially
worthless at this point,
but I think it may be time
for me to return to the old adage
"I must not fear." or
"The consequences don't outweigh the risk of gain."
Exercising that other part of my brain,
the clumsy part that causes me
to fall in love at a moment's notice,
I often times become consumed in that fear.
That's where I've been for the last few years.
The one most of my friends
have come to know and love
is the left-brained asshole
that has a solid retort to any
bullshit you throw in his face.
The one I've been is
the right-brained pussy
that can't even look a girl in the eye
for more than an eighth of a second.
The only way to recover from this
in the way that I really should
is to use my left brain to discipline my right brain.
I've tried yelling at myself,
all of those other crazy things
that make me lose any
remnant of sanity
I may have once held
within my feeble grasp.
But the way it turns out
is that that idea just doesn't work.
I'm still not sure why,
but I know that a new approach
is exactly what I need.

First of all - if ever I fear a thing,
then I must now do that thing.
I must modify my reflexes
as I learned to when I was younger
to be the reverse of nature.

Secondly - it is time that I stop
caring whether or not I do
a thing the correct way.
No matter what, certain things
need to be done and there is nothing
that will change that fact.
So then shall they be done.

Thirdly - My volition for
the strength to get through the day
must continue to grow
exponentially to overcome
the onset of difficulties to come.

Lastly - I must be fervent
in the studies that interest
me the most.
If I am ever to make anythying of myself,
that is the thing that I will be made of.
Those "eccentric interests"
are exactly what define me
as an individual,
exactly the means that I can
be differentiated from
others like myself.
The number of people
really like me becomes
fewer in number
by the moment
and by the day.

so then I tell you that this
is the truth of myself.
No matter where I go
or what I do,
I will be afraid of it,
and so then I shall do it
in the only name that I know:
the name of courage.
In the morning I will find myself
wondering what the hell
I was ever thinking
the night before,
and I will be unable
to hold up to the standards
I have set forth here tonight.
Nonetheless, the progress I make
each day to change my mind itself
will be aided by what
I have just written.
No stone will be left unturned any longer.
I must not fear.

Not Normally The Desperate Type But I Am Begging For One More Chance With Someone From My Past

God, please I've never wanted
something (someone) like this before.
Please, I just ask for another chance.
Just let me show her how
important she is to me.
Please just let me show her
how much I love her.
I just want her to know,
even if she can't ever
return the feeling.
I just want her to know.
Please just one last chance,
and I promise not to waste it.
PLEASE. I just love her so much.
Let her know. Please let her know.
PLEASE GOD don't let me lose her
without her ever knowing
just how much she means to me.
PLEASE. I'd do anything
I'm not normally the desperate type
but right now... I'm really desperate.

I should have never let her go before
and I didn't realize how much
I still love her, until she moved back

... All I want is one more chance