....

I'm feeling alone. But this is a different alone than usual. I've been alone my whole life. The oddball, the loner, the strange kid that didn't fit in with his family, with his peers, with his friends. But this alone is so much harder to take.I finally fit in. I've found people who completely accept me. And I feel loved, truly loved, by my friends for the first time ever. Mind you, the family department is quite slacking, but for the most part, I'm content with the people around me. But when I'm surrounded by people, I've been getting these feelings that I'm not really there. Like I'm watching these people. And I'm imagining myself talking. And it's like no matter who's around me, half of my soul is looking for someone who feels alone like I do, that wants to be with me on some other plane of reality that I haven't found, because that's when I can finally feel at ease. My physical and mental being is fine, but part of me is restless, there's something huge missing. And at little times, I feel that it's there, I'm complete. But I can't place what that is, and can't seem to figure out how to keep it. I've just felt so damn miserable and alone, and I'm sick of watching everyone else "have" something, while I'm so fucked up that I can't even see what it is that's wrong. I just wish I could be normal. Even if that means being as ignorant as 90% of the people my age. Because I'd be happy, and content with what I know, and what I see, and what I feel. And they don't have to think any deeper than that. Oh fuck it all.