Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to

One of these days, I'm gonna completely lose my mind.
My tenuous hold on reality and acceptable behaviour will fade,
and I will truly be a wildcard in society.
Inhibitions lost, respect for authority and civility completely absent,
there will be many victims to my rage and retribution.
Sure, I have a list. There are four names on it, but it is not written in stone.
These four names have an interesting connection,
but we won't get into that right now.
This post is more about complete strangers.

Do you speed in parking lots?

Have you ever honked at someone
slowly backing out of a parking space,
angry that they impeded your progress?

Have you ever entered a building
while someone held the door for you,
but instead of making that fake little put-your-arm-up-to-give-them-clearance-to-let-go-of-the-door gesture,
saying thank you, or even acknowledging their existence in any way,
just walking in as if they were meant to hold the door open for you?

Are you rude to people that work at
gas stations or fast-food restaurants?

Do you tip, like, I don't know, 5% or so?

Do you call to ask where your pizza is 40 minutes after ordering?

Do you give anyone, anywhere, a hard time
even though you know they are just doing their job?

Do you wipe boogers on bathroom walls?

Do you fail to flush the toilet and/or wash your hands in public restrooms?

Do you walk down the middle of a hallway,
no matter how many people are walking with you,
shoulder to shoulder, AND walk slowly?

If someone says "hello" or "how are you doing,"
do you completely ignore them, or just look at them?

Do you take an amount of items that is obviously more
than the allotted limit for items in the express checkout lane?

If anything in the above sounds familiar;
if you've done one of those things ever, or often,
I've got a question for you.
Who the fuck do you think you are?
These are the people who will most feel
my righteous thunder of insanity.
When I no longer care, and consequences are moot,
it will be violators of the guides of common decency
who will most feel my wrath.

I've already started speaking up.
When people walk in a door I've held
without acknowledging me or the door being
MAGICALLY OPEN FOR THEM,
I simply say "Hey, no problem! My pleasure."
When I say "hello" or "how are you" to someone,
and they don't respond, I say something like "hey, me too!"
And you know what? It feels good.

It feels a little too good.

A friend speaks out

This was sent to me from a friend:

I heard this song and thought of you, and I wanted to share the song with you, so here's my thoughts mixed in... I think you will appreciate the style it's wrote in, since it's one you use quite often

From a friend to a stranger
How's your life in your current situation
Did they hold you hostage
Did they tell you lies
Just to add to your frustration

You know it'd be really considerate if you kept in contact more often. I know you're making many choices right now. Just be chary of which one you choose to make. Not everyone who says they are your buddy is. Be careful. Guard your back and protect your heart right now more than ever.

So you drown the whole day in your troubled heart
On the road to change your life
Not to give it all away
But to sing your song
'Cause in the end that's when you arrive

I know you are trying to adjust your life for the better, but you're not looking past the past. Open your lips, grow some balls, and have a in the flesh talk with him. You have so much to offer someone. You need to realize what that is, and go from there. Open your heart up to other things. Listen to what your mind is saying!

Oh, my heart it brings me pain
When I hear them call your name
Oh, to see inside myself
A guy can see what no one else could ever know
The way you'd end up being

It breaks my heart to watch you fight and go down from a distance, with no one there to pick up back up. What hurts me more is seeing people make you fall, only to stand there for the delight of trying to watch you stand back up strong again. They aren't making you stronger by doing this, they are only breaking you down.

So, from a friend to a stranger
How's your life in your current situation
Wish you happiness and freedom
And I wish you life
When you reach your destination

I wish you happiness. Just. Be. Careful. I love you. I'd rather hear smiles in your voice than listen to you try to choke back the tears.

I have something to say

***Sorry if this blog entry is not "correct" in the eyes of many,
but you know what? It's ok. It's my blog,
and I have the right to be pissed every once in a while.***

The hardest thing in life at times
is knowing which bridges to cross,
and which bridges to burn…
So burn baby, burn.

Right now in life, I act as if that I'm ok…
But I'm not.
I'm bewildered, upset,
and more unsure now than ever before…
and I don't enjoy feeling this way.
I've never been out-and-out open
with my feelings and thoughts.
Instead I keep them bottled up
and make the world think
that everything is going just fine…
that I'll be ok no matter what hits me.
But I'm not and why should I
continue pretending to be?
I'm tired of putting on a mask
every time I turn around.

The people who said they were there for me….
are for the most part not.
Well, with the exception of a small number…
In fact, those few who "claimed"
I can come to them with anything,
really mean that I can come to them with anything…
BUT they don't want to hear about it,
they don't want to discuss it,
and it's not "their problem"…
And in a way they are right.
It's NOT their freaking problem…
But as a "friend" you would think
they would care enough
to make it their problem.
I guess that goes to show us
what REAL friends we have,
and which ones are nothing more
than "fair weathered friends"…

I guarantee that they don't treat
anyone else with as little respect
as they have treated me as of late,
because if they did…
everyone in their lives
would have walked away without looking back.
They haven't given a lick about my emotions,
instead feeling as though
they had the right to bash, belittle,
trash, look down upon,
and treat me literally like sheeeet.
You know what though…
Over the years I've grown
and I realize now more than ever before
that I'm stronger than that.
I'm better than that…
I don't deserve this, and quite frankly,
I'm NOT going to put up with these
"bullshit" friendships any longer.

During my life, I've ALWAYS made it a point
to be there for my "friends" that need me.
Whether they be true friends
or "fair weathered" ones…
I've been there for them no matter what.
When they needed someone to talk to
at 2am in the morning, I was there…
even when I had to be up in three hours for work.
When they were late with rent
due to something going on, I was there…
even if it meant that I myself had to go without.
When someone died, I was there…
even if it meant taking time off work.
When they laughed, when they cried,
when they won, when they lost,
when they succeeded, and even when they failed…
I was always there for them.
It didn't matter to me
if they were "real" friends or not…
All that mattered is that they needed me
or wanted me to be there for them… and I was.

No longer am I going to sit on the sidelines,
waiting to be noticed…
Waiting for someone to "pretend" they care,
and only because they have something
to benefit from the "pretending".
Screw that.
I have REAL friends in my life
who need more attention
than they have been getting lately.
Why? Because I've been dealing with these
"half-assed" friends who are only around
for nothing more than their own gain/benefit.

It's not ok for the games of seesaw
to be played with my head.
It hurts too much, and hits entirely too hard.
Though it hurts like hell knowing
I won't be around if and when you need me,
I won't play this part anymore.
The words that weren't said
(and the piss poor choices of words that were)
along with the things that weren't done
(or in one fucking morons case, the things that were)
are exactly what has opened my eyes and set me free.

So now I've said all that I
desired, wanted, and needed to say.
If anyone doesn't like the fact
that I have a brain,
the courage to stand on my feet,
and the power to fight back against
things that were done/said
(or as earlier pointed out,
the things that weren't said or weren't done)…
You can kiss my arse
and know I'll be praying for you,
even as I'm walking away.

The above is just the nice way
(aka sugar coating)
of saying what I really want to say…
Which is "fuck you assholes".

To Whom It May Concern

To Whom It May Concern

I want to thank you for your opinion.
I am glad you felt comfortable enough with me
to express yourself so freely.
I think the phrase you used was,
and I quote, "I'm just keeping it real".

Well, lets do that shall we.
The reality is you did not first gather all the facts.
You have no idea what events led up to the situation
and you don't know the subject matter now.
In fact, the only thing you have is your opinion
and we all know that opinion is not fact.
With that part of reality stated,
what makes you the authority on other peoples lives.
Is there some law that people, including myself,
should think like you think and feel like you feel?
And why does not thinking and feeling like you
make others wrong and you right?

Again, I want to thank you for your opinion
and I appreciate your honesty, but
I must admit I don't remember asking you.
But, when I don't know what to think
or how I'm supposed to feel about something
that is personal to my life
I will remember you and your opinions.
Even if your opinion is lacking all the facts,
I am sure you will not hesitate to give it anyway,
whether you are asked for it or not.

Have a good day.





to those of you that this dose not concern,
thanks for reading my blogs,
and I don't mind comments as long as
they are not meant to harm, or cause bad feelings
towards anyone, myself included...
if you have a nasty comment about anything on my blog,
please KEEP IT TO YOURSELF