I have some form of relationship with each person on that list, some considerably more or less than others. Some more caring, some more spiteful. Some more apathetic, some more passionate.
It's as if a line is drawn between me and each one of these people (just as there is between me and anyone else within my life). Each line is drawn just a little bit differently.
I wonder about some of them. I don't talk to a lot of them anymore, but I keep them there.
Nostalgia? Maybe some sort of love for these people I don't yet have the age and wisdom to understand? Some of these people I've grown up with. I've felt close with at one time or another. Maybe it's a futile attempt at holding onto Yesterday whilst reaching for Tomorrow, all the while balancing on the stepping stone that is Today.
What strikes me, each and every time I see a few of these contacts, is how different things could be.
What if I had said those things to one, instead of the other person? What if I had done things just a little different, took you up, turned you down, showed interest or a lack thereof...
What if you picked up each of those individual, slightly-different lines and swapped them all.
Where would I be? Would I still be where I am now? Would I still be sitting alone in my bedroom on my computer, with music screaming in my ears and Comedy Central on in the background?
...or would I be anywhere else in the world? Listening to something different, watching something else, and being somebody other than me.
I feel as if it's almost unfair that I'll never know.
Fate is our dispositional choices.
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