I find this page magnetic at seemingly random intervals. I nearly forget it exists, then, usually in the dead of night, I recall opening the mental floodgates on a glorified web-based Notepad.

So here I am. Once more, I have an Entry open with absolutely nothing specific to say, yet the fingers type. Words never seem to really mean what I need them to mean when I find myself here, but all anyone can do is try.

I don't really know why these things happen. I can't go about specifically mentioning what 'these things' may or may not be, but it's safe to say that it's a topic we've all dealt with or will have to deal with.

It's like a lightswitch. I know it's me, but is it my fault? Just one day it is as if I wake up, and I realize my jigsaw puzzle is together, just not what I expected.

Maybe the problem is that either my expectations of things are wrong. Maybe I don't really know what it is I want. Would it be considered "shallow" of me to want some things in my life to be "shallower"? Some times life is too serious, I realized that I don't want things to be that way, and I naturally try to take a step or two backwards.

The problem is that life doesn't care much for attempted rewinding.

It's just that... life is a series of jobs with all-too-many work-related injuries. Don't get me wrong, I love my line of work... but some things shouldn't be a job. Some things, like eating ice cream, playing a video game, being with friends, etc, shouldn't require me to... feel leashed.

It's cliched, I realize that, but possibly for good reason.

It's really not that those things aren't everything that I'd want in that area. Honestly. It's just... you know, I really like hiking, but despite my love for it, sometimes you need to stop and take a break along the trail, or just not start a trail at all. And it's not that you don't want to hike anymore, it's just that you get tired. You're tired of having to exert yourself physically to enjoy the experience. You just want to do something simpler for a while, to perhaps recuperate. Or just do something new, to keep things fresh.

I can't be the only one who feels this way. And it's difficult when more than one person is involved in things, but it's not always a matter of choice.

I would love to have a quality medium steak daily. But sometimes... just sometimes... I'd want a hot pocket, or french fries. I know what's good, what's more refined and worthy, and maybe some people could live exclusively with that... but at this point in my life... I'd feel like my dining options were too narrow, even if they were great.

Maybe that's not the best analogy.

...Maybe I'm just being selfish.