I always felt that if change were to occur it should always be for the better of things to happen. But there seems to a piece missing in a puzzle I put together.
Could it be that piece has changed? Or am i just putting my pieces together wrongly?
But if it did change did i accidentally disfigured it or it was always that way?
I just hope that the error would be solved I wish god really existed i really do,
at least i would have someone to seek knowledge and guidance from
a superior being so i could solve things in this short time that i have
on the face of this place where i live. I would know if i was wrong
or if something was not correct. I would cry an ocean for someone
that would answer my questions.

Ok so I decided to change the place around, and I thought it would be an easy enough task, but MAN i forgot how much I hate HTML, its such a pain. Owell, hope you all enjoy the new look

Isn't It Ironic

Life really is ironic if you think about it.
So many aspects of our lives contain irony
that is either sent by fate or man-made.
Sometimes irony slaps us in the face
and other times it tickles the funny bone.
Whether it be a lesson in life
or a lesson in laughter,
irony never ceases to be perplexing.

Case in point--my migraine medicine;
after reading the side effects I learn
that this product may cause headaches
in some people; if so, discontinue use.
Ironic, huh?, that a headache medication
may cause headaches--wonder who thought that one up...

Deer crossing signs--hello?
The deer never cross where they're supposed to;
that's why we see them sprawled out on the road everywhere.
And to think we were kind enough to use pictures
on the signs instead of words since we know they can't read. gawd!

Contemplating now...why do we pay more respect
to the memory of people we loved and lost
than actually giving them that same respect
while they were with us...hmmm?

No Smoking signs at a Pool Hall--isn't that one
of the reasons people go to pool halls--to choke
on smoke upon entry--it's like an initiation of sorts. (cough, cough)

In a hurry to get somewhere and you'll hit every red light.
Plenty of time on your hands and you'll cruise right through them. (road rage!!!!)

Getting what you need instead of what you think you want;
and finding out over time that what you thought you wanted
you didn't want after all. (did I confuse you?!)

Waiting in line for hours for a popular toy for your child;
only to find them playing in the discarded
refrigerator cardboard box and having the time of their lives! weeeeee!

In my case--loving the smell of coffee; but not a coffee drinker.
Hating the smell of eggs; but loving to eat em. Yummm...

When you look too hard for answers they are difficult to find;
and then when you're not looking at all--the answer appears. (poof!)

Yes, life is full of irony.
Sometimes the lesson is a bitter pill to swallow,
sometimes confusing, and sometimes hilarious.
But ALWAYS one step ahead of us keeping us on our toes...

Where Am I Going?

Don't Wanna Believe

NoRmAl

To My Future Love

I realized today. I am looking for more.
More than what I have been offered.
I am looking for my life-long partner.
I don't want to date. I don't want to deal with heartache.
I want to know that everything will be "ok."
Where are you? I am waiting with a bleeding heart and you're the cure.
Please come home. I love you. I promise I love you.



To my future: (Where Ever You May Be)
I am looking for you, I won't stop searching until I find you. I promise I won't stop. If I found you tomorrow, would you be ready? I am ready to show you how deep love can go.I am ready to die for you to live. I will show you how great love can be if you give me the one full opportunity I deserve. I'll prove it to you. I want to show you that you are meant for me. To be with me, for eternity. I've tried to hard to fight the feelings that aren't controlable. It makes for sleepless, restless, lonely nights. I want all of you. Don't hold back, I won't. Give me your all. Promise not to dissapoint me. Promise.I can't wait until I get to hold you in these loving arms. Warmth in your touch will heat my heart. You're my fuel for this fire inside me. The feeling of your breath on my neck as you embrace me, will help me breathe. Your eyes are amazingly calming. The way you look in me, not at me. That will let me know that its ok to mess up. Your lips, amazing as well. The kiss that feels like you will never let go. Hold onto my lips, please. I want our first kiss to never end. Your dedicated to me like I am your drug. I am your weakness, and you are mine. Free my mind. Be my backbone. My support. My heart, eyes, and tears. If I told you that I couldn't live without you, would you believe me? Don't take this the wrong way but I wish I knew the day you would die.So I could die one day before you, because when I find you I will never want to live a day without you.I am ready to experience true love. I deserve to be loved unconditionally.I am looking for you. We will comlete each other in every aspect of love and freedom. Freedom from the past. We are better than our past will ever be. We will show each other our past is a past for a reason. We can use this reason as a reason to break free from the past. I am your future. We are our future. This was written to you. For you. I love you.

Smile Empty Soul

Millions of smiles each and everyday, Yet twice as many cries inside in a million different ways.At the end of the night He falls asleep only to wake up in the morning to beautiful morning lightWho could ever understand? When even he couldn’t comprehend.How can such a happy person, Have such a sad soul. It’s like an open wound or holethrows smiles in every which way. Still at the end of the day his heart has nothing to say.Who would ever know? That this happy boy could hold inside the very saddest soul

Happy??

i don't like making eye contact with people.i'm not scared of what i might see in other people, rather what they will see in me.they say that the eyes are the windows to the soul.i don't want people looking into my eyes and discovering that my soul isn't really there, that im like the walking dead, living without a soul.maybe it's why i feel so empty inside. im a strange person. at times i feel like im slowly slipping away, at others i feel so alive and happy. i live two lives. the one on the outside, that everyone sees, happy and funny. and the one on the inside, the private one, where im crying and heartbroken. i dont know why im like this.i know that at one point i decided that i was going to be happy on the outside no matter what. i guess this is the price i pay for that.

What does it mean to be a best friend?
Maybe it means you’ll be there till the end?
Perhaps it means you’ll have a hand to lend?
Or does it mean you’ll be there to defend?
If that’s a best friend, then what’s that make you?
You never spoke a word that was true
But I never seemed to have a clue
That it was you that was making me so blue
I used to think that you would be there
That our friendship would never tear
How can one person be so wrong?
How could I think we were that strong?
You have gone and shown we aren’t
I have gone and proved we can’t
Why do you go and make me feel pain?
Tell me, what the hell do you gain?
I just sit back and don’t complain
As my heart is one left with the stain
All those times you turned your back
Compassion and loyalty are things you lack
You knew that I would always be there
People like me are very rare
But your chance has flown out the door
Because I ain’t going to be here anymore
Why do I care what’s on you mind?
Maybe it’s because you “seem” real kind
With our friendship I am just plain blind
With you I’m always one step behind
I have had enough of you
And enough, of not having a clue
Today is the day that I move on
The day where I’ll be forever strong

Everything and Anything

when your cold and lonley lean on me when the world is against you come to me when you feel like your nothing ill make you feel like your something when your kicked out feeling sad, lonley at your last grip ill be there to be your hip when life has slammed the door in your face when everything and everyone you love has left you for a special place ill be there to erace your memory when its pouring rain and your alone..scared call out my name my sprit will guide you hard times tough times any times ill be there beck and call ill be your everything your anything at all ill be your blanket when your cold ill be your light when its dark ill be your everything D'ont worry about the little things they will pass keep focused on the bigger things they dont pass as fast when you lost the love of your life ill hold you in my arms when your scared to die ill show you the light to fight when your fighting all your battles ill be with you dont forget im your shadow ill be here when the weather sucks ill be here when everything has gone wrong i'll be the one who sticks around forever and ever as long so dont be scared because im your everything and anything at all

Quote

You cannot gain anything without first giving something in return.
To obtain anything, something of equal value must be lost.

Cry For You

At the end of the day
Before I go to sleep at night
Right after I shut off the light
I will cry a tear for the boy or girl
who is made fun of everyday
They are lost yet nobody
will help them find their way
I will cry a tear for the homeless people
who have no where to sleep besides a bench
I will cry a tear for the elderly people
who have no one to tell them that they love them
I will cry a tear for the children that don’t have a dad or mom
I will cry a tear for the single mother who has no help
no body could understand the hurt she’s felt
I will cry a tear For the lonely people in this world
I will cry a tear for the people who are shallow
because their hearts are hollow
I will cry a tear for the person who has not one true friend
sinking in water because it seems that the ocean doesn’t end
I will cry a tear for the person in love but the other doesn’t love them back
you’re being thrown aside so your one-track mind only sees the color black
I will cry a tear for the soldiers away from their loved ones
your heart is weighed down by 50 million tons
I will cry a tear for the person who falls down and needs help in the street
and cry a tear for the people who wont help them back on their feet.
I will cry a tear for all of the pain in this world
And cry because there’s not much I can do
But if you’re in pain I will cry a tear for you too.

Venom

Somewhere deep
Inside myself
There sits a boy
With a mask.
Made of blood
And tiny blue
Drops of tears.
he cries tonight
Screaming out
From his agony.
he dreams of
Yesterday And
all he Could have had.
he fears tomorrow
And what will be.
he wants to hide

Behind the mask
Forever.
he wants to be
The guy everyone Will like.
Although they Won't
really be liking him.
he could handle
Not truly Being liked.
Because while he's
Behind the mask.
he's at least
Somewhat loved.
he's screaming out why?!
Why can't I just
Be the mask?
But he knows
That the mask is
What's killing him.
But that doesn't matter
Because all he knows
How to be
Is the boy
Behind the mask.

Silent Watcher

Silent Watcher I am a watcher. It's what I am. I enjoy watching people. No, I'm not a voyeur. Not that kind of watching. I am an observer of people. I enjoy being on the sidelines, watching people walk by and imagining their individual lives, stretched out in front of them like threads. Some threads are interwoven, some shining, some frayed at points, and some abruptly cut off. I enjoy watching the expression on a person's face, listening in to conversations, not so much the subject matter as the intonation in the individual's voice. Watching body language and how people interact. Sometimes I get so caught up in a conversation that I forget I am not merely a person watching in the audience, I am part of the play and it is as if I am an actror who has forgotten his lines. Smiling, I participate, so I can return to listening. I enjoy hearing what people have to say, and how they say it, and it seems like the conversations of life are exactly like the conversations from a sitcom, except for the fact that they are indeed real, and that I am part of them. Perhaps it affects who I am, and how I relate to people. Sometimes I feel separated, as if I am an audience member watching my own self interact with others around me, like a separate entity and the person I am watching is going through the natural motions of yet another person. Sometimes walking down the street seems surreal, as if the blue of the skies are much too bright to be a reality, the greens and reds and yellows of the world seem too vibrant, too daunting, too beautiful to be part of the world, and I am instead in some artificially constructed environment. And sometimes my separation leads to distractedness and somestimes to an added rationality to certain circumstances. I'm pretty sure I'm sane. Reality is such a fragile construct, a reality based on personal experiences and thoughts and ideas. Being too sensitive, too involved, to the lives of others, those who I know and those who I don't, definitely takes its toll on my reality. It's a playground for my imagination. I know it is my imagination, but it is a game I enjoy playing. Rationality is a very fine line we all tread; the difference between madness and sanity is very little. Sometimes I have difficulty relating to this reality. And sometimes I have problems connecting to emotion. And sometimes, I wonder if I am losing touch of reality entirely.

Torn Apart; When The Mind Overrules The Heart

It's always easier seeing situations when you're removed from them. Not involved. Not when your head's not entirely all there, when your heart and body seem to be responding a whole lot more than they should, and when heart and head seem to be at loggerheads with each other's wants and needs. Torn apart. One wanting to throw caution to the winds, to take advantage of the situation, to indulge in its inner desires despite the risks involved, despite the probability ofbecoming bruised and broken, but it doesn't care for risks, the heart strives to fly, to soar and reach those limits, and should it die, it will do so in all its blazing glory, knowing it has given all it has to give. The other is cold logic, weights that control those baser impulses, like shackles that stop them from taking that potentially deadly plunge, but it is right to do so, for without it those flights of fancy would cause the individual those extreme highs and lows, like a slave to their whims and desires. The mind keeps it grounded in reality, knowing that it is right to do so. Then again, sometimes there's always a situation when the mind is right to exert all its cold, hard reason, and yet, you wish so much to follow the heart's lead, and throw yourself into the situation headfirst, unrestrained, and all logic be damned. When love enters the equation. And knowing logic is deserved in those circumstances, you reluctantly follow it. And then the backlash of the decision implodes, and you feel like you're dying inside, despite knowing you've made the proper ethical decision, but it cuts like a thousand shards of glass, and the pain seems deserved. And then the tears fall.

Where Have All The Leaders Gone?

These are times of peace. At least for most of the developed world. Wars are fought in front of computer screens. People walk on, engrossed in their personal lives whilst reading about the fate of the worlds in the news, the Internet, through mediums, becoming more and more removed from the harsh realities of the world. No longer able to truly relate to the struggles of the world. In these times of so-called peace, people grow fat and weak and content, wrapped up in the trivialities of their own lives, content with mediocrity. People losing their sense of community, becoming more and more focussed on a sense of individuality, chasing aspirations and dreams with little regard to the betterment of society. Science starting to disregard ethics. People hoard their wealth while their children grow greedy and unscrupulous and the gap between the rich and poor becomes larger than it ever has before. And while all this happens, social constructs are advancing and red tape starts becoming a whole new dimension, and means start justifying lies, and all sense of goodness is becoming a lot more lost in the whole plastic generation we are becoming, and the people who have core values and their head screwed on straight are content on becoming good people in their lifetimes while politicians smile fake smiles and continue building this strange, new, corrupted world. As I walk these streets, I scan the faces of the crowd, wondering what their characters are like. Who will crack under the pressure? Who are those souls with strength ingrained in themselves, those who, given the chance, reveal the ability to command armies into battles, to make tough decisions under pressure, to be respected by whole communities and nations, but instead continue to walk the paths of their lives as time passes them by.We need leaders. Those heroes of old, the knights that would lead their armies, emblazoned with nothing less than a sense of patriotism and courage and justice. We need leaders who will change the fate of the world, not run it into its grave.

Move Forward

How can we intend to move forward when all we do is look back?
Look at what could have been what might have happened and what hurt so bad
Hoping that the good times will never end, the bad will just disappear
When we look back it brings you down and it only makes you sad,
It makes you regret what you haven’t done, what you wish you were.
But why then do we do it? is it to make us look at what we have done wrong?
Or to give us hope to stand above and taller then we once were in the past
or to show us that we will never be able to be ourselves and never go on?

Who Am I

who am i ?
i am me
i am the clouds
and i am the sea
i am you
and you are me
so why judge me so differently?
I am the trees
and i am the rain
I am the one who always complains..
i am the sadness
and i am the love
I am the one you come to for comfort
and innocent love
I am the child the laughs and plays
and i am the adult that is having a bad day
and i am the elder that is dying today..
i am ..
I am the flower waited down by the dew
and the spring
summer winter
and fall to...
I am the thunder and the rain
I am the fire and the wind..
i am the truth and i am the lie
I am the season..
o yes I am the sky
I am the words..
and I am the book
I am the colors
care to take a look
I am the vision
I am the light
i am ...
I am a friend that is leaving
i am a guy loved by some
hated by some..
i don't care for some
and i really like some..
I am want you want to kiss
I am what you want to miss..
I am that too..
I am illerate..
I am dumb
and to sum i am smart too...
I am a kid
I am a adult
I am a teen
I am grown up..
My eyes are like deep pools
and my words flow like water..
my mind is as of cobwebs in a barn
and my heart Mysterious as the night...
I am me and it is all i can be...
I am happy
I am sad..
i am depressed
I am mad..
i am tired
I am weak..
catch me.. please..
I ask of you
and you of me..
hold me now
softly..
i am Love
and i am fate..
i am.....
I am nothing...

Never

I have never felt so sad..
I have never felt this bad Before
i have never felt so insecure
I have never felt so isolated
so closed in.. so inside myself Before
I have never felt so depressed
I have never felt such a mess
I have never felt so unhappy..
as i do this day..
Crying helps but not today
it doesn't wash my fears away
I have never felt this lonely
I have never felt so alone..
i have never felt so unloved..
all i want is a home
Some were i belong
I have never felt so out of place..
I have never felt like a disgrace
I have never felt this dumb
i have never felt so undone
Never....................

Friend.... Human is all I Am

if everybody knows me... would everybody see inside me.. ...
when trust is something that you are taught not to share..
when the battle is fought,.... and your left standing there..
was it worth the fight.. was it worth loosing everything insight..
for the loved .., for the pain.. for your soul to be able to fly free again..
and if everybody knew who i am .. would they try to care..
when love is something that is very rare..
when the night consumes me through deeper eyes..
when the battle is fought ... and alone .. you are there..
if everybody listened to these words..
would they realized that they made a grave mistake..
for the person i am and the person i was..
and the person that i am ever going to be.. it isent me.......
when your mind sleeps at night....
..... when alone is your favorite place.....
...... when you find your self crying inside....
...... and afraid of what fate might bring..
... don't look at me for answers..
... I cannot guide you to a perfect destination..
thought i wish i could .. .. . . .
but i can give you my shoulder..
and a pretty good fight..
a laugh or 2.. I'll do it for you.. .
if you knew me.. if you understand me
... if you took the time to listen to me..
you would see... ...... you would understand..
that i could try and be a hero..
I could try and be like superman...
but i cannot come close..
Human... that's all that i am ...
If you could see inside me..
o .. how beautiful it is..
the outside may be mysterious and vague
but the inside.. a ray of light..
friend...human is all i am......

Death

Death comes for us all,
young and old,
So I look for something
solid to hold,
Something that'll remain intact,
Unlike this life so fragile,
in fact, I often wonder
what they'll remember of me,
So many things
I've done and seen,
struggling, To leave it all behind,
so many times I find,
Myself wandering through
past times in my mind,
Wake up in the middle of the night,
it's dark, Hearing just thoughts,
and my beating heart,
And with every breath I take,
memories make me shake,
And for hours in the dark
I lay wide-awake,
My vision goes blurry,
I'm anxious, I worry,
Don't know where I'm going,
but still I hurry,
To my destination unknown,
when will I be called home,
Where will I be in five years,
consumed by fears,
Or prospering knowing
I've overcome some tears,
Awaiting the day we're all
together to toast a cheer.

More Quotes

Ok So You Will Learn That I Like Quotes So I Am Sure There Will Be Alot Of Quote Posts

"Life's journey is not to arrive
at the grave safely in a well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways,
totally worn out,
shouting 'holy shit,
what a ride!'"

I know what it's like
to want to die.
How it hurts to smile.
How you try to fit in
but you can't.
How you hurt yourself
on the outside to try
to kill the thing on the inside.

~*If you look into my heart
you'd see how much I really cry,
you'll find secrets hidden,
best friends & lies,
but what you'll see the most
is how hard it is to stay strong
when nothings right & everything's wrong*~

it's the days we sit around and do nothing
it;s the moments we laugh so hard we cry
it's the way we look at each other
and know whats going through our heads
it's the stupid pictures and inside jokes
they're the reason we're iNsEpErabLe

When I first saw you I was afarid to talk to you
When i first talked to you I was afraid to like you
When i first liked you i was afarid to love you
Now that I love you I m afraid to lose you

I always knew looking back
on the tears would make me laugh,
But I never knew looking back
on the laughs would make me cry

§omewhere There'§ §omeone
Who Dream§ Of Your §mile,
And Find§ In Your Pre§ence
That Life I§ Worth While,
§o When You Are Lonely,
Remember It'§ True:
§omebody, §omewhere
Is Thinking Of You

A Quote

"that's the thing about life. one second you're up, the next your down, the next second you're the only one around because you were too busy being down. take the bad with the good. learn from your mistakes. and most importantly, don't dwell, don't regret a thing, because everything you've done has made you what you are, and if you regret who you are, then you've already lost, you can like it or love it, it is what it is."

Welcome

Ok, So Welcome one and all to my blog. I hope you enjoy your stay. Please comment on posts, and add a little something to the tag board and let me know that people actually come here and read this. Well Take care, and have a great day.