Down And Out

I started out the new year with tears.
Hours worth of tears.
I have been feeling rather down lately,
for no apparent reason.
Generally more needy
of attention and affirmation.
I know the people who love me
have been trying, but it's not enough.

I am more insecure than
I ever let anyone know. Ever.
I have more guilt, self-doubt,
and fear than I show.
Somehow everyone believes
I am confident.
I must be pretty good at faking.

I am suffering one of my periodic depressions.
Knowing what it is doesn't help much.
They are less frequent than they used to be,
but I do wish they would stop altogether.

I know what I want.
I don't believe it exists.
I might change my mind
on that belief when
my heart comes out of this fog.
I'll let you know.