Insecure

With people who don't matter,
I'm the most confident person I know.
"This is me. Here it is.
Deal with it, or go away,
that's up to you."

With my inner circle,
I'm scared and insecure.
"Am I good enough?
Is it really me,
or is it just
convenient for you?"

I'm finally learning to stop hiding.
If they stuck around long enough
to make it into the inner circle,
the hiding is what's going
to push them away,
not the honesty.

I know it's silly for a grown man
to need constant reassurance
from the people who clearly
already love him.

But then, when have I ever
claimed to be a grown man?

I'm just a kid.
And a kid needs lots of care.

The people who make it
past that inner wall
-- past the pretence of adulthood --
they are the ones
that I trust with
that little boy self.

They are the ones
that I look to for guidance.

They are the ones who
can hurt me the most easily.
All they have to do is ignore me.

I'm not always sure
how or when
to ask for help.

When it's ok
to ask for the
attention I crave.

How to present that
I need compliments,
reassurance, praise.

I'm just little.
I'm still learning.
I need help with these things.