A Letter To All Presidential Nominees

What are you going to do to change the country?

Many people in my generation are struggling with
these same types of questions.
"How will I make an impact?"
or even "Can I make an impact?"

I don't know how or even if
I can change this country

What I do know is that the men and women in office
have the power to change this country for the better
but hanen't

What can one person do to change something so big?

We can vote.

By voting I speak for my generation
and I protest the things I hate most, like....

Fear
Discrimination
Terrorism
Violence
A collapsing economy
Privacy invasion
Greed

I can encourage my peers to vote
and together we can see a brighter America
but who can we vote for that isn't obsessed
and driven by money and power?

Who has this country's best interests at heart,
not for the publicity or the achievement,
but for the people?

This is why we're watching you
and questioning you.

Don't ask us for catchy campaign slogans
and don't poll us on youtube and myspace

Show us who you really are
and why you have our best interests at heart

You know what we want,
we want peace and prosperity

We want freedom to live
the best life we can

So, my questions for you are:

What is your plan to save Social Security?

How are you going to change the way America is viewed
and how much money will that cost to do so?

Do you believe America should be the world's moral police?
If so, what is your reasoning behind that?

Are you going to stop illegal immigration
and how do you plan to do so?

Will you protect all human life,
even if it hasn't been born yet?

Will you protect my right to freedom of speach,
even if I don't agree with the goverment's actions?

How do you plan to protect our children
from viloence, school shootings, and drug abuse?
And in doing so, will you protect my right to bear arms?

Are you going to pay women,
the same amount as men?

Will you stop tax cuts for the wealthy and major corporations? (even if they're your golfing buddies?)

Do you support gay marriage
and believe that every American citizen
deserves to live a happy life
as long as it does not invade
on others' rights?

Will you respect our right to privacy
and reform the U.S. Partiot Act?

Will you increase jobs in the U.S.
and stop jobs from going overseas?

Will you lead an honest and open life as our leader?

Will you represent the People and listen to all of our opinions and make the fairest judgemnt based on equality and reason?

Yea, I so Don't Live Here Anymore

Another night again
Another journey without friends
Another fight to wish away the loneliness I live

Another circus show
Another face that I don’t know
Another night of people asking what I have to give

I thought that I would drown
But it’s okay right now

No one knows the way I feel a part of me I have to find
Buried somewhere deep beneath my skin
The emptiness in me is faded
And I can see my life is waiting
Now I know I’m living for who I am
Now I know I’m living for who I am

The fire grows inside
The feeling cannot be denied
And everywhere I turn the size of guys they push me

And all has fallen down
But it’s okay right now

No one knows the way I feel a part of me I have to find
Buried somewhere deep beneath my skin
The emptiness in me is faded
And I can see my life is waiting
Now I know I’m living for who I am

And everything seems great and everyone is fake
No one really knows you
Look into their eyes
Rip off your disguise
Let them see the real you

No one knows the way I feel a part of me I have to find
Buried somewhere deep beneath my skin
The emptiness in me is faded
And I can see my life is waiting
Now I know I’m living for who I am
Now I know I’m living for who I am

A Collection Of Secrets

An Apology

I'm sorry for that post
I'm sorry for the way things have been
I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions
I'm sorry for taking things out on you
I'm sorry for the distance that has grown between us
I'm sorry for so many things....

I think you know I'm sorry
I think we're going to be alright
I'm sorry for ever doubting that

To All My "Fair Weather" Friends

I act as if that I’m ok… But I’m not.
I’m bewildered, upset,
and more unsure now than ever before…
and I don’t enjoy feeling this way.
I’ve never been open with my feelings and thoughts.
Instead I keep them bottled up
and make the world think
that everything is going just fine…
that I’ll be ok no matter what hits me.
But I’m not and why should I
continue pretending to be?
I’m tired of putting on a mask
every time I turn around.

The past few weeks, have really shown me
what REAL friends I have, and which ones
are nothing more than “fair weathered friends”…

I guarantee that they don’t treat
anyone else with as little respect
as they have treated me as of late,
because if they did…
everyone in their lives
would have walked away
without looking back.
They haven’t given a lick
about my emotions,
instead feeling as though
they had the right to bash,
belittle, trash, look down upon,
and treat me literally like shit.
You know what though…
Over the years I’ve grown
and I realize now more than ever before
that I’m stronger than that.
I’m better than that…
I don’t deserve this, and quite frankly,
I’m NOT going to put up
with these “bullshit” friendships any longer.

During my life, I’ve ALWAYS made it a point
to be there for my “friends” that need me.
Whether they be true friends or “fair weathered” ones…
I’ve been there for them no matter what.
When they needed someone to talk to
at 3 in the morning, I was there…
even when I had to be up in a few hours for work.
When they were late with rent
due to something going on, I was there…
even if it meant that I myself had to go without.
When someone died, I was there…
even if it meant taking time off work.
When they laughed, when they cried,
when they won, when they lost,
when they succeeded, and even when they failed…
I was always there for them.
It didn’t matter to me if they were
“real” friends or not… All that mattered
is that they needed me or wanted me
to be there for them… and I was.

No longer am I going to sit on the sidelines,
waiting to be noticed…
Waiting for someone to “pretend” they care,
and only because they have something
to benefit from the “pretending”.
Screw that. I have REAL friends in my life
who need more attention than
they have been getting lately. Why?
Because I’ve been dealing with
these “half-assed” friends
who are only around for nothing more
than their own gain/benefit.

It’s not ok for the games of seesaw
to be played with my head.
It hurts too much, and hits entirely too hard.
Though it hurts like hell knowing
I won’t be around if and when you need me,
I won’t play this part anymore.
The words that weren’t said
(and the piss poor choices of words that were)
along with the things that weren’t done
(or the things that were)
are exactly what has opened my eyes
and set me free.

So now I’ve said all that I desired,
wanted, and needed to say.
If anyone doesn’t like the fact that I have a brain,
the courage to stand on my feet,
and the power to fight back against
things that were done/said
(or as earlier pointed out,
the things that weren’t said or weren’t done)…
You can just kiss my white ass and go to hell.

The above is just the nice way
(aka sugar coating) of saying
what I really want to say…
Which is “fuck you assholes”.

"Sometimes the hardest thing in life is deciding which bridges to cross, and which ones to burn"
-Me

Pay Attention

Deleted

Seeking Balance

doubt ~ verb / noun
1.
To be uncertain about something; be undecided in opinion or belief.
2.
A feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality, or nature of something.

It hits you when you lest expect it. And once it is there, it ingrains itself so that you can think of nothing but IT.

It's destructive. It's manipulative. It's dangerous.

I've gotta get it out of my head.

Honestly

You really don’t know me…
And I really don’t know you either.
I want to tell you right now
not to try and fool me into thinking
that you do any longer,
because I’m not going to pretend either.
The fact remains that I really am
unknown to you just as you really are unknown to me.

This blog was created as a way for me to speak out…
to let my feelings come into the open,
yet because I was trying to not hurting anyone’s feelings,
I shied away from sharing my own true thoughts and feelings.

I’ve tried to put on a strong face
about everything and pretend I’m ok,
but to put it both honestly and bluntly
without beating around the bush…
I’m not. You know what though?
I know you don’t care.
I know you could care less
about what I’m feeling.
My thoughts and feelings aren’t important to you,
and it shouldn’t be like that.
Yet, I put up with it.
I deal with it…
Why? Because I care.

At the same time though,
I’m not going to throw a temper tantrum about it…
It confuses me greatly on many levels…
Because I know lots of things,
and I just don’t understand
how and why on many different…
But maybe it’s because
I just don’t want to understand…
So here I am, trying to be strong about this…
I’m putting on the nice, happy face,
and pretending that I could care less… and that I’m ok.
Deep down, I know you can see past this,
but once again… you don’t care.

Reality check 101
though in case you didn’t know it.
I’m not ok.
And if you don’t realize this by now,
then you never will.

Reasons

Sometimes people come into your life
and you know right away that
they were meant to be there…
to serve some sort of purpose,
teach you a lesson or help figure out
who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be
but when you lock eyes with them,
you know that every moment
that you are with them,
they will affect your life
in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to you
at the time that may seem horrible,
painful and unfair, but in reflection
you realize that without overcoming
those obstacles you would have
never realized your potential,
strength, will power or heart.
Everything happens for a reason!
Nothing happens by chance
or by means of good luck.
Illness, injury, love,
lost moments of true greatness
and sheer stupidity all occur
to test the limits of your soul.
Without these small tests,
life would be like a smoothly paved,
straight, flat road to nowhere.
Safe and comfortable but
dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet affect your life.
The successes and downfalls
that you experience can create who you are,
and the bad experiences can be learned from….
In fact, they are probably the most
poignant and important ones.
If someone hurts you, betrays you
or breaks your heart, forgive them
because they have helped you learn
about trust and the importance of being
cautious to whom you open your heart to.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally,
not only because they love you,
but because they are teaching you
to love and open your heart and eyes to little things.
MAKE EVERYDAY COUNT! Appreciate every moment
and take from it everything that you possibly can,
for you may never be able to experience it again.
Talk to people you have never talked to before,
and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love,
even if it doesn’t seem right
because you are too young or too far,
just follow your heart. Surround yourself
with those who make you smile,
laugh, and make you happy.
Break free and set your sights high.
Hold your head up because you have every right to.
Tell yourself you are a great individual
and believe in yourself, for if you don’t
believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you.

Do you even still notice me?

At times I feel as though no one can see me…
I feel like I’m standing in the middle
of a crowded room shouting…
and yet no one can hear me…
I feel as though I’m crying in front of people,
and yet no one sees my tears…
I feel trapped inside this box…
no one knows where I am,
and at the samt time,
no one cares to try and find me.
I feel lost, uncertain, unsure…
afraid, isolated and alone.
I can’t voice the pain I’m going through
mentally and emotionally because…
when I do voice it, no one hears.

When my friends need someone to listen to
or bounce ideas off of, they come to me…
When they need a shoulder to cry on,
arms to hold them,
someone to give sound advice
without sugar coating the problem,
or someone to just sit with them
and hold their hand… they come to me.
Yet when I need the same… I am alone.
No one is there for me in the way
that I am there for others… and that hurts.

I’m not looking for sympathy…
This blog wasn’t started for that…
It was started in order for me
to be able to share my thoughts
and feelings without having
to answer for my words… and to date,
I haven’t had to answer for any of my words…
Sure, they have brought up questions…
but the questions I didn’t want to answer
went ignored, or more often than not…
I simply told the person
I would not be answering them…
I just want to vent…

Odd as it may sound… despite
the rest of the people that surround me…
I still feel isolated and unsure… I feel alone…
I wish people made as much time for me
as I made for them… or hell… even 1/2 the time
that I made for them will do.
I wonder… would it hit home
if I suddenly wasn’t there for them
as often as they needed me?
How much of a difference would it make
if instead of giving them the time and attention
that I usually do when they are in need…
I backed away from them and started giving them
the same amount of attention as
they showed me in my own time of need?

Quite frankly… that’s all I have to say
on this subject for now…
This post isn’t meant to piss anyone off…
hurt anyones feelings, or upset anyone…
It’s just may own personal way
of venting without doing any of the above.
It doesn’t mean I love you any less…
it just means that some of you guys and gals
need to think of people other than yourself,
because quite frankly… I wonder if you even notice
myself or others anymore… outside of fullfilling
your own emotional wants and needs….

Remember… the world doesn’t revolve around you…
Other people have needs, wants, desires, and problems as well…
and sometimes… they want someone to talk to
just as much as you yourself do
during your time of happiness, sorrow, strength,
pain, or any other emotion you may be going through.

That is all…

To A Guy

I just want you to know
that I'm taking a huge risk with you.
ever since Josh moved,
I've kept myself in a little bubble,
I've allowed myself not to let
anyone get close enough
to really hurt me,
not to let anyone
just dictate my emotions,
and I've never stepped out of that bubble...
but then we just hit it off.
and i don't even know.
and maybe its because
your trying so hard
not to let me in,
that I'm trying so hard to let you in,
because i can sense that somethings there,
the potential, what needs be, is there.
you just have to step out and embrace me.

so I'm trying so hard,
not because I'm scared,
but because I'm scared of
not being able to feel like i once did.
I want to take that chance with you,
because simply, i seem to have
been completely bewitched by you.
I'm not obsessed or anything,
but, its intense,
i really, actually,
completely like you.

And this scares me a lot.

True Love

My thoughts on love

Maybe this time

And again, I am happy.
And maybe this time it will last
And maybe this time I'm not wrong
And maybe this time I will not Change,
only Emerge.
And maybe this time I won't feel trapped
and will be happy where I am
and will be willing to take
what is mine
for what it is
And maybe this time I won't wonder what's missing
because I will know
and not miss it.
And maybe this time
I will allow myself
to be loved.

Abandoned By My Words

Where did you go?
Why did you abandon me?

I remember your presence
but I don't know when you left
you deserted me

Sometimes now I start to cry
but no tears come

Others I find myself trying to cry
because otherwise I feel nothing
and the nothing
scares me more
than the pain.

The nothing
hurts
more than the pain.

Even a good day
I wind up crying
because always
ALWAYS
something goes wrong.

and I am left with
nothing
or pain.

And I start to shake
and I start to cry
or I try to
but cannot
and I scare myself
and I scare myself
and I scare myself

And I feel a need to create
because maybe creating
will take away the pain

But never does it do more
than distract.

So I distract
And I distract
And I try so hard
to avoid the pain
by distracting myself
from my thoughts

But then I find myself
stranded
eluded even by my creativity
because something goes wrong
and doesn't work right.

and it keeps me from doing the things
that keep me from feeling the pain for a while

And I still feel you sometimes
sometimes
but when I reach to hold you
You crumble
into sand
just like
everything else

Why do you abandon me?