...

Ok so while reading an old friends blog, I came across something that said something was said about me or something... and she took up for me... I think.. anyways, I just wanted to tell her thanks, and wondered what was said, and who said it... anyways, I am going to bed now, I am going to try to get up early and go get my check and do some stuff before I have to go to work.

I'm Sick... and that sucks

i'm sick like awfully sick right now. urgh.
i had a splitting headache when i woke up
and I had it most of the day....
after about 14 exedrine pills
and about 2 hours in my room
no lights... no sounds.. it finally went away
and now i have a freaking bad sore throat.
and my nose hardly lets me breathe properly.
been breathing through my mouth. urgh.
I hope I feel better tomorrow, cause I have to work
and I feel bad when I call in.. so again...
I really hope I feel better tomorrow when I wake up

what could you expect....

what could you expect from someone...
someone you barely knew...
someone, who is a friend...
someone...
no matter who this someone is,
all you can expect is nothing...
never would you try to expect that someone
to be able to know what you are thinking
or what you want to them to do...
it always has been a common notion
that if you have a friend you would be able
to expect something from them,
just because they are your friend...
is it really true that friends know who you really are...
then why do our enemies know what to do...
and our friends can't do anything...
is this how friendship really is...
how then can you say that your friendship is true...
what is your reason for staying as friends...
or are we just fulfilling the saying that
"No Man is an Island"
or is it our nature to socialize like the animals
for we too are animals...
no matter what,
no matter how,
no matter when,
no matter why,
there will always be a sense of belongingness
or the need to belong...
is this the role of friendship
to be able to think and feel that
you belong to some kind of organization or group...
then friendship doesn't neccessarily have to be real...
then what is the basis of real friendship...

Why are you here

life is full of challenges
life brings so many things
gives us so much
let us experience a lot
gave us a good lesson and a beating
life could never be fun
without its unpredictablity
life may also be at your side
and against you
you may not like it or not but you have a life
a life of your own,
at first we depend too much on our parents
then we depend on our siblings and friends
when will we learn to stop on relying to
other people and not just ourselves...
why is it that we say that we live separate lives
yet we could not exist withouth each other
we could never be us with out each other
life has its end but will we know when our time is up
or how long do we really have to live
why waste your time finding out how long
you would want to live
why not just live your life the way you want it
so you'll have no regrets before the end
never will you waste another time of your life
on such small worthless thigns that seemed
to matter to you so much
not all things will come your way
you may not be able to do the things
you want...
but endings things with a happy
and meaningfull sure beats a life
kept in a box...
you started in a womb..
an enclosed safe place...
you live your life in a world..
full of challenging things...
a part of a bigger whole...
you end up in a box..
a glass window for everyone to see you
for the last time...
buried 6 feet under...
incinerated at 3000 C...
no more goodbye..
just the life your liveing..
that is the final goodbye...
so are we here to prepare
for our last goodbye...
or are we here to create
a difference in this big big unniverse...
what is your purpose???
what are you???
who are you???
why are you here???

just me speaking

is there such a thing as
a piece of heaven on earth???
why do people always feel
so high when they're so happy
yet when their sad its as if
they cant get any lower
what with this world??
why do things always have to happen???
why can't things just go the way we want them to...
or is is it to much too ask for...
but life sure is pretty interestting...
i can't imagine life without the choices that we make,
either good or bad...
life's question WHAT IF,
the greatest question that one
might ask after or before
he chooses a choice in life...
it may either be life altering
or just plain old decisions...
why do we even bother to think about
the other choice that we could have choosen??
what more can we do? its done...
the same circumstances would never arrive again...
isn't it just a waste of time...
or are people just too damn stupid
or hooked up to the past
the things they should have done
or shouldn't have done...
the hell with all this WHAT if!!!!
you have to stand up to your desicions!!!!
ALL OF WILL DIE SOONER OR LATER...
its a fact...
so why should we stop ourselves
from living life to the fullest???
is it because where just human???
the hell with that kind of reason...
we have a mind yet we let our hearts
tell us what we should do...
isn't it that the mind is the one
controlling the heart
not the other way around...
this is just me speaking...

what are you doing?
waht are your plans for the future?
what are you doing for your future?
what can you do to achieve your future?
what is in life?
why are you so ignorant?
why are you lazy?
why are you wasting your time on foolish things?
why are you throwing away the opportunities?
why can't you understand life?
what is life? isn't life the thing
that makes us move and do what we do..
is life the source of all things?
is life the true source of everything?
why do we exist in this world?
why were we given minds to think?
why were we given hands?
why were we given feet?
why were we given eyes?
why are we what we are right now?
isn't it that we have a purpose why we are here
what is our true purpose?
are we meant for each other?
are we meant to live alone?
are we meant to die alone?
are we supposed to love?
are we suppposed to ask questions?
whats in this world for us?
why?

there are things that i wish
i could have done in a different way...
but theres no turning back time...
living this life full of regrets
is like living with out a purpose..

...

Ok So I Am Slacking On Updating :), I Will Try To Update More Today Since I Am Off, But That All Denpends On If And How Long Helen And I Do Something Today.

Life And Math

i have known a lot of people;
i know a lot of people;
i have met a lot of people;
i would still meet a lot of people;

is it destiny that brings us to meet other people,
is it just pure coincidence,
is it just the result of our actions,
choices we have made,

an equal reaction for the action we have made,
a variable that we never could quantify,
an infinite number of chances,
a continous cycle of movement,

countless number of possibilities,
unmeasurable amount of time,
a void,

why do we know the people we know,
why are we friends with our friends,
why are we enemies with our enemies,
what was the chance of meeting them,

was it because we wanted to,
was it because it was neccessary,
was it purely by chance,
or is there such a thing as destiny...

who would i be without them,
what would i be without them,

in an equation every thing has a value,
a numerical counterpart,
a quantifiable value,
a measure of a unit,
a predictable outcome...

like an equation it has its purpose,
what then is my purpose...

good, bad, indiferrent...

A Few Quotes

Just a few quotes from my new favorite movie "Good Will Hunting"

Sean: "Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself. "

Will: "I'm afraid? What am I afraid of? What the fuck am I afraid of? "

Skylart: "You're afraid of me! You're afraid that I won't love you back! Fuck it, I wanna give it a shot! At least I'm honest with you."

Chuckie: "Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way. In twenty years, if you're still livin' here, comin' over to my house to watch the Patriots games, still workin' construction, I'll fuckin' kill you. That's not a threat. Now, that's a fact. I'll fuckin' kill you."

Will: "Oh, come on! What? Why is it always this? I mean, I fuckin' owe it to myself to do this or that. What if I don't want to?"

Chuckie: "No. No, no no no. Fuck you, you don't owe it to yourself man, you owe it to me, 'cause tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be 50, and I'll still be doin' this shit. And that's all right. That's fine. I mean, you're sittin' on a winnin' lottery ticket. You're too much of a pussy to cash it in, and that's bullshit. 'Cause I'd do fuckin' anything to have what you got. So would any of these fuckin' guys. It'd be an insult to watch if you're still here in 20 years. Hangin' around here is a fuckin' waste of your time."

"stars" by Switchfoot

Maybe I've been the problem, maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself, the outcome feels the same
I've been thinkin maybe I've been partly cloudy, maybe I'm the chance of rain
Maybe I'm overcast, and maybe all my lucks washed down the drain
I've been thinking 'bout everyone, everyone you look so lonely
But when I look at the stars, when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I see someone else
When I look at the stars, the stars, I feel like myself
Stars lookin at our planet watching entropy and pain
And maybe start to wonder how the chaos in our lives could pass as sane
I've been thinking bout the meaning of resistance, of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent begin to look like home
I've been thinking bout everyone, everyone you look so empty
But when I look at the stars, when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I see someone else
When I look at the stars, the stars, I feel like myself
everyone, everyone you feel so lonely
everyone, yeah everyone you feel so empty
When I look at the stars, when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I feel like myself
When I look at the stars, the stars I see someone...

Psionics is your specialty.
You seem to know every thought that comes to
everyone's minds and every word before it comes
out of anyone's mouth. You know the answer
before the question, and can at some times
detect the truth from the lies. You are a
mysterious person, an enigma many people find
puzzling. However, they tend to stay away from
you, due to the fact that you know what they
are thinking. Only a selected few, who can
brave your all-knowing mind actually befriend
you. You are loyal only to those who actually
made the first move to becoming your friend. To
them, you share some secrets, but you still
remain an enigma.


Everyone has a secret ability. What is yours? (7 answers with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

CLOSED EYES

You have Closed
Eyes!
Positive Traits: Intelligent,
Creative, Imaginative, Loyal,
Honourable
Negative Traits:
Depressed, Withdrawn, Pessimistic, Fatalistic,
Avoidant


Your eyes are the windows to your soul. What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Lyrics Of Christmas Song By The Little Stinkers

Mom made beans for dinner you know i ate em all
said come get your coat on going to the mall
gonna visit santa and sit apon his knee
but all that I could think about was how not to cut the cheese
waiting there for santa thought that id explode
the gas bubble grew bigger with every ho ho ho
try my best to hide that I was doing swell
but when Isat down on santas lap he hollard whats that smell !

I farted on santas lap now Christmas is gonna stink for me
I farted on santas lap now ill get poop under my Christmas tree

I asked him for a baseball I asked him for a bat
I asked him for some ice skates but I'll get none of that
I asked him for a lot of things I'll have to do with out
when i sat down on santas lap I let one slip out

I farted on santas lap now Christmas is gonna stink for me
I farted on santas lap now ill get poop under my Christmas tree

On Christmas eve I snuck out of my bed with out a sound
went down to the living room to take a look around
and then I saw santa next to the Christmas tree
his arms were full of preasents and they were all for me
put them in a pile got up to turn around
then blew a fart with such great force our tree all most
so I'll always charish that speacial moment when
I realized even old saint nick rips one now and then

"She Will Be Loved"

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

[in the background]
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

Lyrics Mania :)

Ok, So I Was Going To Go To Bed, But I Started Listening To The Radio And Heard Some Songs I Wanted To Put On Here So The Last Few Posts Are Lyrics To Those Songs, I Hope You Like Them, Anyways, I Am Going To Go To Bed This Time For Real :), Unless I Don't Cause Sometimes I Won't... Random Dr. Sues.... Anyways, Goodnight

Right Here

I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break
and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all
and throw them in my face

But you always find a way
to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say
to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away
I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say
to keep you right here waiting

I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending
it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend
so I keep bending till I break

But you always find a way
to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say
to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away
I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say
to keep you right here waiting

I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you

Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive
all the mistakes
I've made along the way
But I always find a way
to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say
to keep you right here waiting

But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say
to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away
would you be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say
to keep me right here waiting

'til kingdom come

Steal my heart and hold my tongue.
I feel my time, my time has come.
Let me in, unlock the door.
I've never felt this way before.

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummer begins to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know which way I've come.

Hold my hand inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come.
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come, and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

In your tears and in your blood,
In your fire and in your flood,
I hear you laugh, I heard you say,
"I wouldn't change a single thing."

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummers begin to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know what I've become.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come,
Until my days, my days are done.
Say you'll come and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

Fix You

When you try your best
but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want
but not what you need
When you feel so tired
but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come
streaming down your face
When you lose something
you can’t replace
When you love someone
but it goes to waste
Could it be worse

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something
you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And i…
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will
learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And i…

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

what i want for christmas

I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care about the presents
underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
I don’t want a lot for Christmas
there is just one thing I need
And I don’t care about the presents
underneath the Christmas tree
I don’t need to hang my stocking
way above the fireplace
Santa Clause won't make me happy
with a toy on Christmas day
And I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Oh baby all I want for Christmas is you,
I wont ask for much this Christmas
I wont even wish oh I wont even wish.
I wont even wish for snow.
I’m just gonna keep on waiting
underneath the mistletoe
I wont make a list
and send it to the North Pole for St Nick
Wont even stay awake to hear
the magic reindeer play
Cause I just want you here tonight,
Holdin on to me so tight
What more can I do
Oh baby all I want for Christmas is you,
Oh our lives are shinin surrounding everywhere
Where the sounds of children’s laughter fills the air
And everyone is singin' oh I hear those sleigh bells ringin'
Santa wont you bring me the one I really need
Wont you bring back my baby to me
Oh I don’t want a lot for Christmas
This is all I’m askin for
I just want to see my baby
standing right outside my door
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you,

can't think about anything else

now i dont even need to see you.
i just hear your name,
and my heart jumps.
i can't concentrate at work.
and i even manage to forget why.
but then i think back,
and i remember it was you.
that i am always thinking about.

I love you

Lyrics for an old friend

Another turning point,
a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist,
directs you where to go
So make the best of this test,
and don't ask why
It's not a question,
but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable,
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs,
and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf
in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth
it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable,
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

10 things to describe myself:


10.) i'm a dreamer!!
i want to dream big things..
some of them may sound impossible
but who know's right...
when i'm down,,
dreaming is my consolation...

9.) i appreciate simple things in life..
besides,, those things are free, right.. =)

8.) i'm a nature lover..
i like the feeling of
being in the outdoors...
i wanna be near a body of water..
its soothes me.. i could stay all afternoon
just hanging out by the lake..
and i love the color of water..
bLuE... my fave..

7.) i could be sensitive sometimes..
i just hate it when i'm trying
to do my best and the people around me
just can't appreciate the effort
i put on things i accomplish..
it seems that what i do is always
not enough to satisfy them..

6.) i'm not much of a fan of confrontation..
i just stutter out the words i wanted to express,,
although there are many things in my head
that wanna come out of my mouth..
i'm more of a writer than a speaker..
when i have things to say
or feelings that i wanna share,,
i do it better thru writing..

5.) sometimes,, i'm afraid of changes
because i feel that there is something
that i'll lose one way or another..
but othertimes,, when i feel
that my life is a bit monotonous,,
i like to go out there and just
experience new things...
u could call me moody,,
if that's what it is...

4.) i'm a sucker for romantic movies..
o well,, it's just fun to watch a feel-good movie..
it makes u forget about reality for a while..
i'm a hopeless romantic.. i believe in destiny,
in fate,, in soulmates,, and all those mushy love stuffs..
i believe that there is THE ONE for everybody...

3.) i believe in my Lord,, of course..
He is why i'm here in this worLd..
He put me here on purpose..
i'm not just an additional decoration
that just serve as an eye-candy for people passing by..
i am here because i could make a difference
even in just one living soul or many more out there..

2.) i wanna go to different places..
i wanna see the world thru my eyes,,
not just thru somebody's experience..
i wanna have my own story to tell...

1.) i'm happy with my life,, although sometimes,,
there are more down's than up's but that's
what makes life a hell of a ride..
sometimes i could go cynical but then
there's always a part of me to pacify things up
and make me realize that things aren't
always as bad as we think they are..

Wise Man Said

Man and Woman

Man is the most elevated of creatures,
Woman the most sublime of ideals.

God made for man a throne;for woman an altar.
The throne exalts, the altar sanctifies.

Man is the brain, Woman, the heart.
The brain creates light, the heart, Love.
Light engenders, Love resurrects.

Because of reason Man is strong,
because of tears Woman is invincible.
Reason is convincing, tears moving.

Man is capable of all heroism, Woman of all martyrdom.
Heroism ennobles, martyrdom sublimates.

Man has supremacy, Woman, preference.
Supremacy is strength, preference is the right.

Man is a genius, Woman, an angel.
Genius is immeasurable, the angel undefinable.

The aspiration of man is supreme glory,
The aspiration of woman is extreme virtue.
Glory creates all that is great; virtue, all that is divine.

Man is a code, Woman a gospel.
A code corrects, the gospel perfects.

Man thinks, Woman dreams.
To think is to have a worm in the brain,
to dream is to have a halo on the brow.

Man is an ocean, Woman a lake.
The ocean has the adorning pearl, the lake, dazzling poetry.

Man is the flying eagle, Woman, the singing nightingale.
To fly is to conquer space. To sing is to conquer the Soul.

Man is a temple, Woman a shrine.
Before the temple we discover ourselves, before the shrine we kneel.

In short, man is found where earth finishes, woman where heaven begins.

photograph

So this is a new Nickelback song, but it says alot as to how I feel right now

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head

And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out

And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times

I wonder if It's too late
Should i go back and try to graduate
Life's better now then it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in

Oh oh oh
Oh god I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin' out
They say somebody went and burned it down

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel

Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since god knows when

Oh oh oh
Oh god I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

I miss that town
I miss the faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it

So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it

If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
Everytime I do it makes me

Some things left unsaid

So in my last post I was angry from the words I read. I guess this whole thing has been a long time coming. There were things in the last post that I meant to say, but didn't because I was blinded by anger. I did say that it dosn't matter who is to blame... what I meant by that is that we have both grown up, we have changed, we both have diffeant lives now, and we have both moved on from things in our past. Sometimes that happens in friendships, and I don't think either person involved is to blame, it just a part of life.
I said that when you find new friends you forget about old ones, and again this was out of anger... I know that Ann is a better friend to you than I could be now. Thats not to say that she is a better friend than I was back then, but maybe she is, who knows... thats not for me to say. And I am happy that when the time came for us to grow up and to change and to move on, that you found a friend as good as her... and I'm sorry that I am no longer a friend, but again thats ok, its a part of life.
I said so much in my last post but meant so little... and I left so much unsaid, and I am sorry. What I failed to say, is how much it meant to me when we were good friends. I didn't mention how thankful I still am for all the help you gave me along the way. I didn't say that I am grateful for the teachings you gave either... the lessons of innocent love, having hope even when things look the worst, having faith in a higher being... even when I didn't want to believe... all those in so much more... were than as they are now, huge things in my life... and again I want to say thank you.
When my home was no longer a home anymore, you were one of the few people, I could count on to help me. You helped by giving me food when we didn't have money to get any, you helped by looking for furniture for us. But more importantly, you helped by allowing me to come over, spend time doing whatever, and for however long, not having to think about all the shit that was wrong in my life, not having to stress over my family falling apart, just being able tha enjoy the moment, to have fun... to be a kid.
I would never lie about you... I may have in the past, but I was young then... I have changed... I just wish you could see that. I have so much respect for you... I could never say anything bad about you. Unless out of anger, but when it is that way, I don't realize what I am saying. I know that is not an excuse for the last post, but at least I am trying to make it right. It's ok that we are no longer friends, I respect that, cause like I said we have both changed so much from who we used to be. I just don't want any ill feelings towards either of us... What I want is for us to look be abel to look back on things that happend and laugh... not get angry... or sad. I know the memories of me and you, and of another friendship that has fallen apart due to things beyond our control (me and Joey), those are memories that keep me going, keep me looking forward to tomorrow, they keep me warm on the coldest nights.... and they remind me of all there is to be thankful for in life.
In closing, I want to say again that I am sorry for all that has happened, for all that came undone. At the same time I have so much to be thankful for.... and I hope you feel the same. So I guess this is something that I have needed to do for a long time, for me, and probably for you also... this needs closure, so we can fully move on... this is the last post I will ever make about you, and since I am planning on emailing it to you also, this is the last email I will ever send.... and as hard as these next words are to say, I know its time they are said... thank you for everything from the bottom of heart, and goodbye my ol' friend.

Crying Wolf

Ya know what, you say its over now, its fucking been over. We both know this... its been over for a long time. Things didn't change this past june or so... thats not when all this happened, like you seem to want to think. And this big climax you are making, isn't the end of it all again like you seem to think. Just like last time, you get a new friend, and sunddenly you have no time for other people, you start hanging out less and less with others, you start talking to people less and less... and you turn everything back to where its there fault you don't hang out or talk to them anymore. I did tell Sandra that you said you were going to be a nun, did you not say that? I then told her well she can't blame me, cause I gave her 7 years to have a chance to be loved. But I forgot its only your side of the story that matters, when you go around screaming don't judge me, well when you only care about one side of the story, you are making assumtions about thigns, and o what is an assumption.... o my its a judgement, so if you won't want people judging you then don't go around judgeing others. I never told anyone you were bi or gay, I respect you enough not to go around telling people that. Be it true or untrue, its not my place to say, or to tell others. It's your story to tell... not mine. So where ever you got that from, who knows... but again your side of the story is the only one that matters. Whatever the reasons are that we no longer talk, I don't care where the blame lies, be it me or you, but one of us is adult enough to just walk away from it, and not keep thorwing around the blame, making us seem like we are the victom. I have been a victom about alot of things in my life but this is not one of them. I have never seen the end of our friendship as either of us being a victom, but you on the other hand say I judge you, I lie about you, I do this, I do that, be a big enough person and just walk away all together, and leave it be. Stop being a victom of it... it happend it ended its over, just leave it be.

All We Ever Find

Say exactly how you feel right now you’re free to say it all
There is no one here to judge you I only love you
You’re free to close your eyes and fall You can trust me,
this is real Say exactly how you feel
Tell me all your dreams And what you think love means
We’ll lock the world outside Embrace the gift of time
Promising forever Knowing that this moment Might be all we ever find
Every breath of who you are Tells a story that I love
I have finally found the truth In what I see in you
And what I feel with every touch The simple beauty
of your heart In every breath of who you are
Tell me all your dreams And what you think love means
We’ll lock the world outside Embrace the gift of time
Promising forever Knowing that this moment Might be all we ever find

Oh life.. Don't just pass me by.. Take me with you.. :)

To do (if possible) before I die:

- go bungee jumping
- go sky diving
- win the lottery :P
- lie down on the grass in a star filled night with a loved one
- count the stars
- shout from a mountain top
- go to egypt and see the pyramids
- travel by train and explore europe for a couple of months
- experience christmas and new year in a foreign country
- capture special moments in a photograph and let time stand still
- kiss in the rain
- learn how to play a guitar and be good at it
- compose a song
- watch the sunrise and sunset on my wedding day
- have a family with kids and build a home someday
- watch a meteor shower
- travel in space (i know.. too farfetched! :P)


These are the things that came to mind as I type this entry.
I don't want to sound neurotic thinking of death every minute
but these are the things that I want to fulfill before I die..
Some are simple.. some are in betweens.. and some
are just outright too farfetched, but it's the possibility
of it happening that keeps me going. Maybe someday,
when I look back to this day, I can say to myself,
"Yeh! I've done that..and that.. and that too..",
and then smile.. I may have my whole lifetime ahead of me
but I still hope in the end, I wouldn't be running out of time
and in the end realize that I have done nothing.
That's one of my greatest fear, you know.. that the things
I want the most will remain a wishful thinking, just a fantasy.. never a reality..

Time For A New Look

Ok So Its Almost 3am, And I Really Should Be In Bed, But As You Can See I Decided To Change The Looks Of The Place, I Decided To Do Away With The Zelda Stuff Since I Lost My Web Page And All, But Anyways I Am Still Working On A New Website, So I'll Keep You All Up To Date On That, And Nothing New Happened Today, I Cleaned My Room A Little, But Didn't Get Done, Cause I Was Being Lazy, And Also I Called Helen And Talked To Her While She Was Walking Home, And Then I Talked To Her Online For A While, Then I Called Her Again Cause She Wanted To Tell Me A Few Things And We Talked For Awhile, Her Son Justice Was Cracking My Up, First He Was Playing With Some Coins She Found, And Kept Saying It Was His Money, And Then He Put Baby Powder On Helen And On Everything Else In Her Room... I Couldn't Stop Laughing, I Am Sure She Has A Mess To Clean Up And I Do Feel Bad, But It Was Still Funny. Anyways, Her And I Are Going Out Tomorrow. And I Guess I Will Update More After That.