Sadness

I am exhausted.
Not physically,
but mentally
and emotionally.
And today was not a good day
to be in such a state.

I read somewhere
that a person's state
does not normally last beyond minutes.
I have defied that law today.
And it has drained me just as

A friend of mine said
I really shouldn't be in this state.
We had always known that said bitch of the year
(pardon the French but as you can see,
there is still residue rage going on)
was not worthy to be in my life.
Family or not, no one has the right,
to talk to me the way she has my entire life.
And he is right.

Last night, before I closed my eyes,
I whispered something to the wind
and in it there was the thought that if I died,
that I could be done with my problems.

Perhaps I am just sad.

But I'm going to give myself
to the end of this blog
to feel something besides sadness,
for as I spent pacing the house,
or laying in bed feeling sad,
my world turned as it usually does,
like any other day.
So why should I carry this weight
aroud me any more ?

I have done enough.
Enough with that entire episode.
I had drawn to the tip of my tongue
a retort that if I thought,
really thought and believed
that by dying myself, right now,
could go back and undo
all the wrong decisions I had made,
I would do it.
But no, I don't really think that way,
nor believe it to be true.

And so, I shall take the advice of a poet:

Welcome and live sadness intensively
for a determined amount of period.
Be completely submersed in this feeling.
Once you’ve let sadness pay you a visit,
then kindly ask it to leave.
Sadness is then satisfied and leaves.

Sadness,
I have welcomed and embraced you today.
I allowed you to follow me around
like a shadow everywhere.
It was a fruitful day
and I hope you had a blast.
But the sun has set
and the moon has risen.
In hours, a new day will begin,
and I would like it to be my own.
With that, I am asking you politely
to leave me now.

Thank you.