Tuesday, June 10, 2008
A change is coming
I'm going to only use this blog for my posts that have something to do with "gay". Such as my gay rights posts, and other such things. I'm going to start putting all my non-related posts on my other blog, which you can visit if you wish at http://therisingphoenix.wordpress.com/. Some posts there are password protected. If you want the password send me an email, or leave me a comment and let me know who you are, and chances are I'll send the password to you, unless I have reason not too. Anyways, keep checking this blog, and start checking my other one. Also I'm still wanting help with my "Gay Experience Project", if you've not yet read about, click here and do so. Thanks
Monday, June 9, 2008
Bittersweet Memories
Sometimes this Life
just becomes too much
I wish that I wasn't even born,
I often get to the point
That I feel I can't go on.
I just want to end the suffering
But I know I could never do that,
But suicidal thoughts
run through my head
I want to go back to the point
when I could bare this burden
and my Life wasn't a curse,
I try to remember
how things used to be
but it only intensifies this hurt.
It's like adding gas to flames of a fire
That was already burning bright,
Turning on the switch to a lamp inside
that is a spot light on my Life.
I thought the pain had ended
Or I at least had it under control,
But I was wrong like all times before
It seems I have sold my soul.
Sentenced myself to a life of pain
And stuck with left-overs of what used to be,
Just the memories of a Life once lived
That's all I have left inside of me.
The happiness, the smiles
The joy and the laughter,
That's how it once was
But now my Life is a disaster.
Memories of the past fill my head
And tears begin to form behind my eyes,
But I refuse to let them make that journey
I refuse to let myself cry.
The memories of a Life that was left behind
They seem to only be a tease,
Now I'm stuck with pain and hurt
And left with bittersweet memories.
just becomes too much
I wish that I wasn't even born,
I often get to the point
That I feel I can't go on.
I just want to end the suffering
But I know I could never do that,
But suicidal thoughts
run through my head
I want to go back to the point
when I could bare this burden
and my Life wasn't a curse,
I try to remember
how things used to be
but it only intensifies this hurt.
It's like adding gas to flames of a fire
That was already burning bright,
Turning on the switch to a lamp inside
that is a spot light on my Life.
I thought the pain had ended
Or I at least had it under control,
But I was wrong like all times before
It seems I have sold my soul.
Sentenced myself to a life of pain
And stuck with left-overs of what used to be,
Just the memories of a Life once lived
That's all I have left inside of me.
The happiness, the smiles
The joy and the laughter,
That's how it once was
But now my Life is a disaster.
Memories of the past fill my head
And tears begin to form behind my eyes,
But I refuse to let them make that journey
I refuse to let myself cry.
The memories of a Life that was left behind
They seem to only be a tease,
Now I'm stuck with pain and hurt
And left with bittersweet memories.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Untitled
i thought i could live without you,
i think i was wrong,
everytime i see you,
it looks like you've moved on,
obviously our friendship,
didnt mean that much to you,
because you're willing to throw it away,
with every little thing i do,
you dont even try to talk to me,
you dont even seem to care,
but just in case you didnt know,
im still here,
you gave up way too easily,
you didnt even try,
were not even friends anymore,
and i bet that didnt even make you cry,
your always looking for reasons,
not to talk to me,
if im that bad of a person,
let me know cause i dont see,
i dont see how you can look away,
every time i look at you,
and i dont see how you can just give up,
because of one little thing i do,
friends dont just quit,
and they dont just move on,
so maybe we werent friends,
maybe the whole time we were wrong.
i think i was wrong,
everytime i see you,
it looks like you've moved on,
obviously our friendship,
didnt mean that much to you,
because you're willing to throw it away,
with every little thing i do,
you dont even try to talk to me,
you dont even seem to care,
but just in case you didnt know,
im still here,
you gave up way too easily,
you didnt even try,
were not even friends anymore,
and i bet that didnt even make you cry,
your always looking for reasons,
not to talk to me,
if im that bad of a person,
let me know cause i dont see,
i dont see how you can look away,
every time i look at you,
and i dont see how you can just give up,
because of one little thing i do,
friends dont just quit,
and they dont just move on,
so maybe we werent friends,
maybe the whole time we were wrong.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Internalized Homophobia - Homophobia can come from homosexuals, too
Are you a gay man who wakes up and considerers himself straight? Do you avoid taking your boyfriend or girlfriend around your straight friends so they won't feel uncomfortable or have to see the "gay" part of you? Do you hate labels, but describe yourself as "straight-acting?" Have you heard of internalized homophobia?
If you just came out within the last two years then internalized homophobia, to some degree, is to be expected. I’ve been there, done that, and am seriously disgusted with myself for that period of my life. I hated being around very openly gay people because they embodied what I didn’t want to be. I avoided conversations that may lead to someone asking me about my personal life because I wanted to be accepted and not rejected. I bragged about my straight-actingness and ignored the fact that straight men didn't do the things I was doing privately. I secretly hated part of myself and didn’t realize it until one day, after I had been called a "fag" one too many times, suddenly, I snapped and realized that I am gay! I had been ashamed of who I was and I wasn’t able to see it because I was afraid of people not accepting me.
I realized that my fears were right. There were some people that didn’t accept me, but I realized that I just didn’t care anymore. There would always be those people that didn’t like me because I’m gay. What’s even funnier is that most of those people will always find a reason not to like someone. If it wasn’t because I was gay, then it would be because of some other stupid reason that really didn’t matter. So I stopped pretending that the straighter I acted, the better off I was. I did begin to accept the people that I previously viewed as "flamers" because they were actually cool and more comfortable with themselves than I had ever been.
I started to realize what it was to be gay, at a late point of my life, and while the fact that I am gay is not the main identifying factor of who I am, it is still a factor in who I am. I am many things, but one thing that I am not anymore is homophobic.
While I may not embrace the "gay" lifestyle, I don’t hate it. While I may not embrace the "straight" lifestyle, I don’t pretend I am a part of it. I embrace who I am-- every part of who I am. And if those parts come with a label or make me stand out, that’s okay because I’m not embarrassed of those parts of me anymore and I don’t care who is.
If you just came out within the last two years then internalized homophobia, to some degree, is to be expected. I’ve been there, done that, and am seriously disgusted with myself for that period of my life. I hated being around very openly gay people because they embodied what I didn’t want to be. I avoided conversations that may lead to someone asking me about my personal life because I wanted to be accepted and not rejected. I bragged about my straight-actingness and ignored the fact that straight men didn't do the things I was doing privately. I secretly hated part of myself and didn’t realize it until one day, after I had been called a "fag" one too many times, suddenly, I snapped and realized that I am gay! I had been ashamed of who I was and I wasn’t able to see it because I was afraid of people not accepting me.
I realized that my fears were right. There were some people that didn’t accept me, but I realized that I just didn’t care anymore. There would always be those people that didn’t like me because I’m gay. What’s even funnier is that most of those people will always find a reason not to like someone. If it wasn’t because I was gay, then it would be because of some other stupid reason that really didn’t matter. So I stopped pretending that the straighter I acted, the better off I was. I did begin to accept the people that I previously viewed as "flamers" because they were actually cool and more comfortable with themselves than I had ever been.
I started to realize what it was to be gay, at a late point of my life, and while the fact that I am gay is not the main identifying factor of who I am, it is still a factor in who I am. I am many things, but one thing that I am not anymore is homophobic.
While I may not embrace the "gay" lifestyle, I don’t hate it. While I may not embrace the "straight" lifestyle, I don’t pretend I am a part of it. I embrace who I am-- every part of who I am. And if those parts come with a label or make me stand out, that’s okay because I’m not embarrassed of those parts of me anymore and I don’t care who is.
Face the facts... it's time to take a stand
As a Gay Rights activist myself, and as a gay American citizen. I personally believe that members of the LGBTQ Community (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Questioning) should be treated with the same respect as everyone else. I believe that no mater what a person feels for another person, shouldn't affect how they exist in America. Just because someone doesn't exactly fit into someone else's view of "normal" means that they aren't worthy of the same respect and rights as a human being? It makes no sense. A lot of people will say that in the Bible it is an abomination under the eyes of God for man to lay with another man, but yet, does it not say also in the Bible that Thou shalt not cast judgment upon thy neighbors. I'm not trying to bring religion in on the topic because thats the last thing I want to do. This topic of Gay Rights has been avoided forever. I think it's now time for the people of the LGBTQ Community to take a stand and show the world that we are going to fight in what we believe in.
When America declared their independence from England on the fourth of July in 1776, the American colonies showed Britain that they were going to fight for what they wanted, their own lives. Thats what we should do now. Every time I turn on the news or read the paper, there is always some article about how all these people are getting what they want because they are fighting for it. Back when America was segregated into the "colored" and the "white" people fought for their freedom, they fought for what they wanted... Rights. They fought for their right to vote, and to own land, and to ride in the front of the bus.
Rosa Parks
-December 1, 1955. She became famous for refusing to give up her bus seat. This soon lead to the Montgomery Bus Boycott. Which was one of the largest racial discrimination movements in US history. The African-American people fought for what they wanted. Fair, equal, and justified rights in this country, and as American citizens, all people of the LGBTQ Community should be entitled to those rights as well. The right to marry, the right to vote, the right to adopt, the right to work, the right to speak up, and most of all, the right to co-exist with all of the other thousands of American people living in this country today.
This is an example of discrimination. Except it's not racial discrimination we are dealing with now. It's Sexual Orientation discrimination that we are currently dealing with. People are being murdered and brutally killed and beaten to death just because of their sexual preference. Gay men and women cannot co-exist in this world with other people because all everyone wants to do is be a child and point fingers at something that doesn't fit into their perception of "normal". People are dieing out there. People are being fired from their jobs just because they have a partner of the same gender. How many more lives will be lost before we can put an end to all of this? How many more people will be killed just because they want to love, and care for someone of the same sex. We can't control how we feel. We can't make ourselves change our view on life.
For more information on this topic please visit http://www.humanrightscampaign.com/ or http://www.pflag.org/
When America declared their independence from England on the fourth of July in 1776, the American colonies showed Britain that they were going to fight for what they wanted, their own lives. Thats what we should do now. Every time I turn on the news or read the paper, there is always some article about how all these people are getting what they want because they are fighting for it. Back when America was segregated into the "colored" and the "white" people fought for their freedom, they fought for what they wanted... Rights. They fought for their right to vote, and to own land, and to ride in the front of the bus.
Rosa Parks
-December 1, 1955. She became famous for refusing to give up her bus seat. This soon lead to the Montgomery Bus Boycott. Which was one of the largest racial discrimination movements in US history. The African-American people fought for what they wanted. Fair, equal, and justified rights in this country, and as American citizens, all people of the LGBTQ Community should be entitled to those rights as well. The right to marry, the right to vote, the right to adopt, the right to work, the right to speak up, and most of all, the right to co-exist with all of the other thousands of American people living in this country today.
This is an example of discrimination. Except it's not racial discrimination we are dealing with now. It's Sexual Orientation discrimination that we are currently dealing with. People are being murdered and brutally killed and beaten to death just because of their sexual preference. Gay men and women cannot co-exist in this world with other people because all everyone wants to do is be a child and point fingers at something that doesn't fit into their perception of "normal". People are dieing out there. People are being fired from their jobs just because they have a partner of the same gender. How many more lives will be lost before we can put an end to all of this? How many more people will be killed just because they want to love, and care for someone of the same sex. We can't control how we feel. We can't make ourselves change our view on life.
For more information on this topic please visit http://www.humanrightscampaign.com/ or http://www.pflag.org/
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About Me
- Chris
- I am 23 years old. I'm tall. I have dark hair and "striking" green eyes. I stand up for my beliefes. Im gay. I love to write. I also love to read. I am kind most of the time. I am passionate about a lot of things in life. I care about other people, even though I tend to make mistakes in a lot of delicate situations A friend to anyone who needs me. An enemy to anyone who harms my friends. I am what I am, and I suppose that over the course of time, as I write more and more, all sides of me will come to surface. …… maybe?