Leaving Routine

You suggest a day to see each other again.
I suggest a time.

You hop into your car and start the engine.
You turn and wave. I wave back.

I watch to make sure you pull out onto the highway okay.

I wonder what it would have been like to kiss you again.
To hold you once more, if only briefly.

To be the guy you're driving to,
instead of the guy standing out here alone.

You wanted the long slow forever
and I live my life in blazing moments.

A little less bright each time.

sometimes when missing someone gets to be too much, just remembering the great times gets me through. then i start smiling and the separation pangs ease a little bit.

A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.
~Author Unknown

"Love Song" by The Cure

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Whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like
I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
you make me feel like
I am whole again

Whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like
i am young again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like
I am fun again


However far away
i will always love you
however long i stay
i will always love you
whatever words i say
i will always love you
i will always love you


Whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like
i am free again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like
i am clean again


However far away
i will always love you
however long i stay
i will always love you
whatever words i say
i will always love you
i will always love you

Analyze This

we all have several sides to our personalities.
we all have different dimensions.
that's what makes the human being dynamic.
today, i've discovered that house was right:
everybody lies. and bearing in mind the other lessons
i've learned from watching house, i didn't stop there.
i wrote a pro and con list.
and from that list i tried to come up with conclusions.

these conclusions are:

1. in every situation, no one is purely altruistic.
   everyone has a vested interest.
2. it is a human compulsion to protect one's territory.
   it's instinctive.
3. when one is not exposed to a certain culture,
   it will be alien and therefore, it won't make sense.
4. when one has megalomania,
   one will always think one is always right
   and there is no cure for that.
   maybe except for humiliating,
   life-threatening failure.
5. feeling pretty is one thing,
   being vain can have its benefits;
   being narcissistic benefits no one.
6. sometimes, when one thinks too much,
   one sees things that aren't there.
7. i over-analyze things sometimes.

all that being said, Chris, the over-analytic, is signing out.

I AM

A son
A grandson
A cousin
A friend
A young boy
and a grown man
I am confident and scared
terrified and excited
I am loving and caring
and shy and friendly
and careful and careless
I am misunderstood
misguided and misled
I am hardworking and determined
I am a little scarred on the inside
I wish on stars and dream my dreams
I pray to God and cry my tears
I smile on the outside
while I'm dying on the inside
I listen to others who won't listen to me
I wal on eggshells, and I walk on fire
I believe in passion but not true love
I love you and I push you away
I want you but not so close
I am everything and nothing all at once
and all I want is for you to

LOVE ME

I really wish you would stop trying to fix me

lessons from gregory house, md

i'm currently addicted to watching how house unfolds.
you gotta hand it to hugh laurie.
he's got that dour, sour, sarcastic,
i'm-an-arse-i-know-and-i-don't-care-if-you-hate-me
attitude down to an art. no wonder he's won emmys.

one lesson i've learned from watching that show
is not about everybody lying. while it's true that everybody lies
-- anywhere between a teensy-weensy-minutely-microscopic lie
to the great grand daddy of all lies,
everybody will at some point in their lives lie,
that wasn't the lesson.
the one lesson i learned is to never stop asking why.
to never stop trying to solve the puzzle.
while the lying is never excused, at least, after all that digging,
conjecturing and figuring out, when you do find out,
it at least helps you understand why the lying happened in the first place.
it may or may not make you feel better.
but at least you understand.
it doesn't matter whether the understanding
is cerebral or emotional. at least you understand.

that, to me, is what matters.