"The truth is... I don't care as much as you think I do"

Have I Mentioned?

We do all remember that
when I love, it is forever, right?

I'm not doing well. I want him.
I want him so much every inch of me aches.
But I'm hiding it. Why?
Because I can't have him. .

Anyway. Just thought I'd throw that out there,
since I've been so quiet.

Writers Block

The rapid taps
Of the fingers
Capitalize
Rat-a-tat-tat
On the keyboard,
Frustrating the flap
Of the brain,
Making it crack
Wide open,
Like a map
That is
Flat with ideas,
Empty of sap;
Especially when
Remnants of Jack Daniels
Wrap around each step
By step; his stairway to heaven;
Causing each thought to snap,
That heavy tapestries droop from his brows
And his back bow low with respect
To his sore muse, his shoulders
Paperweight solid;
Trapping the writer at his desk,
Slowly breaking his neck.

Never Have I Ever

Here we present a list. Highlight those tasks that you have accomplished in your life. And then add a new task to the list of something memorable that you've done that isn't on the list yet.

(The Things In Italics Are Things I Really Want To Do)

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s nappy
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten tipsy on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse of both the sun and moon
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had/Have amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted a river
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Gotten flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in a Rocky Horror Picture Show
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a TV game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept 30 hours in a 48 hour time frame
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read “The Iliad”
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life
151. Organized a HUGE event!
152. Seen something you can't explain with science.
153. Had a book published.

And my addition...
154. Fallen in love with your best friend


Seems there's still a lot to be added to my Bucket List... although there are many things on there I have no interest in accomplishing!

Secrets

Ask and you shall recieve

Lying here with you, listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face

For the better part of the day, and the whole of last night, I have been stuck in a place inside my head. A place that was both happy and sad at the same time.

Looking in your eyes, seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me

What was once a grey area, has either 1) gotten murkier or 2) gone clear. I can't decide which it is, though 24 years of living tells me it's gone the way of the latter only to reach the infamous Chris dam.

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life

It wasn't suppose to go this way. Well, there was hope but there was also the negativity. And now that we are there, I do not know what to do with it. If I was an actor, the critics would write it up as a severe case of stage-fright. He's writing it off to me being me.

These are the moments I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true

I also got the Question! Well, not the question that all of you are probably thinking, but it doesn't fall into the definition of "nice and easy" ones as well. And I think I aced that one, given it was THE MODEL answer, except that it was the model answer for a different examination board.

I could not ask for more than this time together with you
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you, here with me

So yeah... grey area is not quite so the grey anymore. Doesn't mean I am pure happy and accounted for. And it doesn't mean I am any less frustrating, to both him and my own reflection. I'm exasperating I know. But if you have made so many mistakes in life, you really don't wanna make another. And so we sit and do nothing. Say nothing. But hope and pray that we're showing everything that's gone un-said.

Maybe I should just make life easy. Not say anything but do what I have always done before with the men in my life - send them a letter and let em read all about it! Cos I really can't think of any other way or a possibility where I could sit down, look him in the eye and say the right answer to the right question....

I found all I've waited for
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

I think I shall go to bed and sleep on it... And yes, I can hear what you're saying - I'm thinking too much!

... Eventually, I'll round to not doing that and listen to you, kays?... but not right now.

Doing Nothing

I've forgotten, and maybe quite conveniently too,
that i signed up to receive a newsletter
from Oprah Winfrey's website.
Now to be honest,
I've never actually opened
one of these newsletters
and really looked through them.

It's quite a packet of information, really.

Sometimes, we get reminders
about what to cherish and value
from the oddest of places.
I got mine today from a quote
from Oprah's newsletter. it said:

Yes there are many things
that need to get done,
but at this moment
I have nothing to do.

I think it's important for us to remember
that we should take the time to be quiet
and to appreciate moments when we're alone
and there is a moment of stillness in our lives.
We sometimes live lives that are too busy
that we forget to give ourselves a moment
to quiet our spirits and center ourselves.

I'm thankful for this moment of stillness.
The worrying and the problems can come later.
For now, I'm sitting here
just appreciating that right now,
I don't have to do or say anything.

Misunderstood

There is something
in the heart of man kind
that longs to be needed,
longs to do something
that will make a difference,
to be great, to feel fulfilled,
or to go out on a limb
and become a butterfly.
But to be great
is so often misunderstood.

Particularly in the small things
that we do that affect the whole.
Sometimes it's the little things
that make a bigger impact.

For things to flow in all areas of our lives...
we have to allow the energy to flow
in our thoughts, our actions...
and that each thought and action, and idea
expresses greatness, abundance,
freedom, and love!
Which means- not putting limitations on it
by a certain person,
a certain way it has to come,
a fear that it can't come.

Because every limitation
is only from within
and it can be changed BY us.
We aren't stuck just because
the limitation is there,
it's only illusion that it's there permanetly...it is not!
Anytime we can say
--"I am worthy of more"--
love yourself more
and accept only the best
and highest for yourself!

Anything that affirms what you want,
is always stronger than the limitation!

"To be great is to be misunderstood"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Update

So, this isn't really an update at all, it's just to say that with the power being out, and the cable being off, I've not really have a chance to blog. I do have alot to blog about though, and hopefully in the next few days, I will be able to make a real post. Hope all is well with everyone.

A clean slate

Welcome to my new little piece of the world wide web. Hope you enjoy it here.